mobile phones at night time

[lostlilly]

I am certain there have been a hundred threads on this but please advise as to your rules on this. My dd who is 14 this week is totally obsessed with her iPhone. Id say 80% of our arguments are around her being on this and not talking to me, not handing it over at night, being rude and stopping ME from going to be because I won't go to bed and leave her on it!
Its crazy! she says most of her friends think I am ridiculous as they don't hand their phone in at night at all...

It's a massive problem with most teens I think, as the vast majority are obsessed with their phones/insta/snapchat/FB .... whatever.

I managed to persuade mine to leave gadgets downstairs at night until after their GCSEs this summer, there were a few rows but they generally accepted it was needed.

However since then I have given them free reign as they're approaching 17 and I think they should learn to self regulate, I can't micro manage them. It's not working though, one of them is still on her phone at 2am some nights and needs to be up by 6.30. She's exhausted and irritable.

Your DD is younger though so can you agree on school nights she hands it over and be a bit more flexible at weekends/holidays? Very difficult and I think a lot of her friends will be on phones late at night but certainly not all. Good luck!

What Sandy says.

Phone downstairs every night.
Rudeness would lose the phone for a while.
Mine is 14.

It is likely she will be annoyed and rebel if you just straight out take her phone.
Distract her from the phone in the evenings by giving her better things to do and she will learn herself to not be so dependant on the phone and she will sleep better, so will eventually
My 9 year old Dd has a phone but it’s isn’t used past 7 o’clock but it’s not a set rule, I just sneak the rule in and keep her occupied elsewhere.

My DS is 13 and the rule is that the phone is plugged outside the bedroom when he goes to bed. We have always had that rule and I look back and feel relief as I think I would have a right battle now with introducing it

Persevere now OP as it will get more difficult if you don't

You wouldn't allow anything else so potentially disruptive and anxiety provoking in her room - make a rule and stick to it, she will thank you one day.

Our rule is all devices off and on charge an hour before bed, any arguments and phone privileges are revoked. Teen certainly sleeps better from not being on her phone all night. Rules are relaxed on a Friday and Saturday night only.

Yes hand phone in at night! I am terrible for it but need to stop. It’s so addictive and reduces sleep quality even if it doesn’t keep them awake all night (which usually it does). No tv or computer either.

Definitely no phones or tablets in rooms at night. Our kids keep them on charge on the landing so they can get to them the second they wake up, mind. But they are on silent overnight so they can’t be disturbed by notifications.

I used to make mine leave theirs downstairs until they were about 15. It used to cause no end of arguments, but if I didn't they were in them all night.

No phones in bedroom at night. DS (14) accepts this as its always been the rule. Need to practice what we preach so same rule for me and DH. As he gets older he’ll have to learn to self regulate his use, but hoping it’s something that sticks with him. Sleep is far to precious to us as a family!

I used to work with year 10 & 11 teens who were at great risk of dropping out of education, and the reason the majority of the time was because they couldn’t get up in the morning or concentrate in class. Further probing would always uncover mobile phone use through the night being the main reason they wouldn’t/couldn’t sleep... FOMO.

My eldest is 14. She has to hand her phone & iPad to us at 9.30pm every night as otherwise she’s on it constantly.
She also tells us that no one else has to give their phone in at night 🙄.

I wonder if anyone can help me...We keep an eye on dd’s instagram / messages...recently she deleted the Instagram app from her iPad and it is as though if has completely disappeared. She is able to download it and delete it whenever she wants, but we can’t find it anywhere on the iPad or in the App Store - Baffled!

Ours (ds’s aged 13 and nearly 16) aren’t allowed phones in their rooms on school nights, but are allowed them at the weekends. I reckon they stay awake for around 30 mins with phones on weekend nights but no longer - they love their sleep!

Nothing wrong with banning phones after a certain time and restrict usage. A generation ago most parents did the same with TV. It's a parent's job to restrict those things that are unhealthy/can end up being unhealthy if used for too long or too much.

Why would you care what other parents do?

Treat toddler behavior with toddler punishment. Take the toy away for longer periods at each whine. Too many whines and it gets sold.

I use our pact. You install it on theirs and yours phone and can block/grant access and apps and use a schedule. It automatically shuts down an hour before bed and if there's kick off I block all apps apart from text/phone calls so he can still get hold of me if need be. Saves all the arguments trying to get them to hand it in/turn it off.

No phones in rooms overnight here either. Middle dd is nearly 15. Phone is left charging in kitchen at 10pm.

Oldest is 16 and away at boarding school, the wifi is turned off at 11pm.

I'm actually quite judgy of parents that don't have rules. Some kids are sending messages into the small hours, don't their parents care?

I say to our dc that whilst they are under 18 and we pay their phone bill, the rules apply.

OP I could have written your post. I have a DD14 and a DD15 and every night I’m up after my bed time asking them to hand it in. I recently caved in to begging and made the handover time later (10.30pm) which I am now really regretting (as it’s usually nearer 10.45) but as someone else said, it’s so difficult to go back once you’ve made a change.
Hammertofall, I tried Our pact, I thought it was fantastic apart from the fact that occasionally it wouldn’t reconnect to the internet at the time I set it meaning panic in the morning, trains to school being missed etc, after about the third time I ditched it but it may have improved since then (it was new at the time I think) might give it a go again. Definitely stops most of the rows....

Both of ours ages 11 and 15 have to come off phone 1 hour before bed. I have ap on phones (screentime) to limit total daily usage.
As others say it's parent's job to encourage healthy use. Otherwise school work, sleep and social skills suffer. Any moaning and usage next day is limited.

I used to let mine ( 12 & 14 ) have them in their rooms as i thought it was important they could learn to self regulate. Pah! A year later they have to hand them in at bedtime 9.30 and I deliver them back like some pusher in the am on waking them. They were too young or it’s just too hard to resist but either way i think they’re glad to have the temptation removed and get some sleep!

Turn the wifi off before you go to bed. There comes a time where it's easier to leave it on but at 14 with school etc it is really hard to regulate yourself in terms of phone time!

the realisation will come soon enough!

What is the app help?

It was so easy with ds to distract from his phone when he was younger, but it gets much harder after 12/13. As someone says above if the rule is no phones in bedroom or after lights out then not following, arguing or rudeness gets a further phone restriction.

He generally understands the reasons why it’s not to be touched after bedtime but still doesn’t like it.

DD is only allowed to charge her phone overnight downstairs, away from her room. Wifi is turned off before 9pm anyway. She's 15, yr 10.

I've no idea how much longer we can continue with this - I'd like her to grow up and be able to self-regulate, but how do you train them?! I certainly don't want to be doing this when she's 18 and on the verge of leaving home.