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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How cross should I be?

22 replies

CopperSpoons · 21/10/2017 00:07

Arranged to pick DD and her new boyfriend up from a Halloween night at a local theme park at 11pm. I stood at the entrance in the wind and rain for nearly half an hour before they finally wandered out.

Neither answered their phones or replied to my texts until literally 2 minutes before they came out.

I was very short with DD when they came out and there was an awkward silence in the car home. Her new boyfriend seems very nice and he did apologise when I dropped him home. DD has also grudgingly apologised but kept stating that it didn't finish until 11.30 and deliberately ignoring that we agreed a 11pm pick up.

How annoyed would you be? I'm tempted to ground her for the rest of the weekend.

OP posts:
INeedNewShoes · 21/10/2017 00:10

I think it was inconsiderate but grounding would be OTT in my view.

I'd just point out that it was very nice for you which means you'll think twice before picking her up late at night in future, that she must appear at the agreed time and communicate with you if there's a problem with the specified time and that if she does that again she'll need to use her own money to get a taxi home.

INeedNewShoes · 21/10/2017 00:11

'wasn't very nice', not 'was very nice'...

steppemum · 21/10/2017 00:15

well, natural consequences, I wouldn't be giving her any lifts anywhere for a while, except school/college.
I would make it just long enough so that there is someting she has to fork out for a taxi/misses so that point is made

MyBabyIsAWerewolfAhwooooo · 21/10/2017 00:19

What has she got on this weekend? Is there something you could refuse to transport her to that would be inconvenient? ID be tempted to ground but not if it meant missing anything really significant

Migraleve · 21/10/2017 00:23

Sorry but you stood outside in the wind and rain why??

In this situation I would make an educated guess that the thing hadn’t ended yet and just wait in the car. I mean how many times have you been to things that have over run?

I say give her a break

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 21/10/2017 00:26

Ground her? Seriously?

What will you do if she's really pushing it? Why didn't you wait in the car and let them ring you?

MyBabyIsAWerewolfAhwooooo · 21/10/2017 00:37

They had an agreed pick up time. They deliberately ignored their phones / lost track of time / misled her

Floofborkboopandsnoot · 21/10/2017 01:45

Why did you arrange to pick her up at 11 when it finished at 11:30? Surely half an hour wouldn’t have made much difference.

Okay fair enough you agreed a time and she didn’t stick to it but don’t over react. Grounding would be a massive over reaction.

TheShaniaTwainExperience · 21/10/2017 02:05

Just tell her if she does it again then no more mum taxi.

LoveDeathPrizes · 21/10/2017 02:50

Faff around and make her half an hour late for her next social to make a point, then drop it.

Cavender · 21/10/2017 03:45

What Shania said.

Teenageromance · 21/10/2017 04:14

Unless they had no mobile connection in the park (always a possibility) they have ignored your texts so that they could stay a bit longer. That is the bit that needs to be discussed until your dd gets into her head how selfish that was. I would sit her down and ask her how she would feel if she had been on the receiving end of that treatment. Why do you have her new boyfriends mobile number? I also would have sat in the car and waited for them.

callmehannahbaker · 21/10/2017 04:21

Wait in your car next time/ask her to text the finishing time once she's there in future.

Not a big deal with the whole 48hr disappearing trend going on at present.

Ploppie4 · 21/10/2017 05:32

She wasted half an hour of your time. So she can give you half an hour of her time. She can clean the car or hoover

blueskyinmarch · 21/10/2017 05:33

That’s pretty normal behaviour for a teenager I would say. I have picked my DDs up from numerous events over the years and always expected to wait a bit until they came out. Half an hour is fine in my opinion but maybe I am lenient.

newdaylight · 21/10/2017 05:52

Not particularly cross. Make the point that it was inconsiderate and you don't expect it to happen again. If it happens again she'll have to sort something else out for her next journey

ifcatscouldtalk · 21/10/2017 05:59

I would probably say to my daughter if she wants the lifts, she needs to stick to what was pre arranged and if anything does change she needs to text/call. I think that's a reasonable expectation.

Sundance2741 · 21/10/2017 07:59

Depends whether she deliberately ignored your texts or was just careless of the time. I wouldn't blame a boyfriend I'd never met. I'd just explain it was inconsiderate and in future expect her to be on time or let me know. No sanction required - give her another chance first.

creepingbuttercupdrivesmemad · 21/10/2017 08:08

They probably couldn't hear their phones during the event.

fairyofallthings · 21/10/2017 08:16

At a theme park, especially a halloween event, it's going to be noisy and they almost certainly didn't hear their phones. It's one of those things, accept their apology and move on. How old is she? I've never grounded my children/teenagers - home is somewhere they should want to be rather than a place they are forced to be.

Original poster
CopperSpoons · 21/10/2017 12:35

Okay, originally she had wanted to stay until the very end which was 12, but I didn't want to be out that late so offered to collect at 10.30pm. The compromise was 11pm and she was happy with that.

Mobile signal is poor there so we agreed a definite meet at 11pm with her promising to keep an eye on the time and to make sure her phone was charged so she could keep an eye on the time.

I waited outside because mobile signal is poor so it would have been pointless sitting back in the car waiting for her to ring to let me know she'd finished.

I have her boyfriend's number just as a back-up if I need to get hold of her if she's with him as the signal isn't great around here. She is 15 and has been going out with him for 6 weeks and I have met him several times already.

I'm not grounding her, but will get her to tackle a couple of chores before she goes out this afternoon.

OP posts:
forcryinoutloud · 22/10/2017 19:03

I don't think this is worth that amount of punishment. She was a half hour late and as apologised (ok not in the most gracious way) but if you were having a good time in her shoes your first thought is not going to be to shorten your wait, wind, rain or shine. Just typical teenage thoughtlessness, indded have a word about it but then let it go. Perhaps discuss a better way of organising things in the future so you are not stood waiting so long.

I'd keep the groundings for much worse behaviour - hopefully you'll never have to use it!

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