Son can't decide on college

[user1493298243]

Hi what would u mums do? My son is 16 and left school July. He never goes out just spends the day on his Xbox or on you tube. He's driving me nuts never leaves his room and it's a struggle to get him motivated to fi anything. He has no idea what so ever what he wants to do in college or as a job. It's almost oct and he still can't decide on anything. I'm getting increasingly frustrated with him, I'm close to losing my temper with him and making him get a job in anything. I try to get him to make himself useful and have left him lists of things to do but I can't get him away from his stupid Xbox. So today I've pulled the plug on the internet and got annoyed with him. What would u mums do as I'm feeling lost and a failure. I'm on my own with 2 younger boys.

He is aware that he has to be in education, employment or training? An apprenticeship might be a good option but he needs to organise it asap. Colleges have already started back too. Did he get sufficient gcses?

He sounds a bit depressed and unable/unwilling to climb out of it.

Some thoughts: this is hard for him so help him take small steps in the right direction. I don't think he'd be capable at the moment of just getting up, investigating college, finding work.

Do something unusual and enjoyable to take him out of the zone for a day. Is there an active day trip that he'd love, Xbox convention in London?? Or something. Get his serotonin up and anxiety low.

He is expecting to be nagged so shrinks from interaction. Ask him what his fears are, what can't he face?. Then work with him from where he's at.

Reading that back, it sounds like I think you need to pander to a lazy, entitled boy. Pandering isn't healthy, but understanding where someone's at and helping them move on might be best if you want to see a change.

As Liza asked, how did he do in his GCSEs?

Hi. I have been really patient with him. Sat looking for courses at a few different colleges. I have applied for an apprenticeship for him. But there aren't many he would b interested in and he's too shy to travel.

I have never heard of an Xbox convention but I'll look into it.

He's so difficult to get engaged with anything. He's such a shy boy.

I've done my best to chat with him etc.

Are you claiming child benefit for him? Does he have any additional needs?

No
It's stopped at the moment until I can prove he is in education. I'm more bothered about getting him into something. But he's struggling with knowing what to do. I'm finding it frustrating and so is he

What were his best gcses? There are some general btecs like Applied Science, or Sports Coaching for example if he is that way inclined

IT courses at FE colleges are stuffed full of boys like this, are used to supporting students with social and emotional difficulties and often take late applications. I would take him down to your nearest one and ask to see one of the Information, Advice & Guidance staff. He'll only be committing for one year, not the rest of his life. I think he just needs to be doing something/anything "for now" and maybe the big decisions about his future don't need to be made right now.

At this point personally I would look at a college course in anything that he is interested in. Focus on keeping him doing something. It doesn't have to be his long term career. My son was/is similar and college has increased his confidence/independancestors and social circle.