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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD missed the bus...again - did I do the right thing?

55 replies

JufusMum · 12/09/2017 11:29

Ok, so DD15 is not a morning person, pretty bad at getting up. I do her lunch, her breakfast etc. She is responsible for getting up, dressing, packing her school bag and getting to the bus.

She has missed the school bus a number of times and I have always driven her to school (2.5 miles, rural). Today I decided that no, I would not make myself late for work again and she could stew in her own juice.

I went off to work just as the public bus (which would get her to school, albeit 15 mins late) pulled into our village. I called her to tell her to get on it but I got a mouthful of abuse, and she told me that I don't care and she was walking to school across the fields where "I will probably get attacked" and then she hung up on me.

This was at 8.45am and school rang em at 10.35am to say she had just arrived.

Of course, I now feel like the worst parent on earth - did I do the wrong thing?

OP posts:

Whisky2014 · 12/09/2017 11:31

I think you did the right thing:)

Whosthemummynow · 12/09/2017 11:32

Maybe she'll make sure she gets up on time! Why are you still making her breakfast/lunch? She's not a baby!

rizlett · 12/09/2017 11:33

I did this with my ds op when he was about 13. I explained that I wouldn't be responsible for waking him up every morning and that he needed to rely on using his alarm clock.

He was late the following two mornings but I just left him to it and by the third morning he was on time and never late again.

Orangebird69 · 12/09/2017 11:33

No, you did just fine. Little moo!

Marthasbox · 12/09/2017 11:34

You did the right thing. I'm also having this battle atm.

Groovee · 12/09/2017 11:34

No, you did the right thing. She needs to learn to organise herself!

HarrietVane99 · 12/09/2017 11:36

It shouldn't have taken her nearly two hours to walk 2.5 miles. What was she doing all that time?

And yes, at 15 she's old enough to take responsibility for getting herself to places on time.

Longdistance · 12/09/2017 11:37

At 15 she needs to make her own breakfast too, as well as lunch. You help her too much tbh. My dd's are 6 and 7, they can make their own breakfast, and help make lunch (eventually will make their own). Hopefully she'll learn to get a diddle on it wake earlier.

PinkFluffiUnicorn · 12/09/2017 11:38

I think you did the right thing, possible prepare for your dd to same again a few times again, before she realises it's just easier to get bus. And I would be tempted to let her do all morning things, as a reminder of the things you do for her.

ijustwannadance · 12/09/2017 11:39

You did the right thing. She was daft enough to walk instead of getting on the bus.
She will never bother to get out on time if she knows you will give her a lift.

MrsJayy · 12/09/2017 11:39

Totally the right thing she has to get herself sorted. Dh did this with dd2 she was a lazy moo and were always waiting on her getting ready she was going out with her dad her dad said im leaving at 10am you need to be in the car by 10 he drove off at 10.05 she never took the piss again.

lougle · 12/09/2017 11:41

At 15 I could do 2.5 miles in under 45 minutes. Google maps says 45 minutes, but that's standard walking pace. So she's walked at less than half of normal walking pace, or she left much later than you told her to.

steppemum · 12/09/2017 11:42

you did absolutely the right thing.
Only differnce I would do is phone school and tell them she will be late as she missed the bus due to not getting out of bed.
(and I would mention to school that I am happy for them to issue follow up consequences for being late)

ds cuts it veyr very fine for his train. I am waiting for the phone call to say he has missed it. But he knows he will have to get the next one and walk the walk of shame into his class late.

mrsRosaPimento · 12/09/2017 11:44

I was researching online about what to do with teenagers and the advice was logical consequences. So missing your bus and walking to school is the logical consequence of not getting up early enough. It teaches them responsibility.

MrsJayy · 12/09/2017 11:45

Of course she left later she was expecting mum to come back for her after she had her little joke ,then she would have been fumming and walked at snails pace cursing her mother for leaving her out in the wilderness to fend for herself and it is her fault she got to school so late.

ShotsFired · 12/09/2017 11:49

A lady I worked with had a rule with her teenage children that she would give a last minute (overslept) lift in/drop off a forgotten item/similar a maximum of three times a year.

It was entirely up to them how and when they used this "service" but after 3 strikes, that was it. Tough luck for whatever disaster next befell them...

Could be an idea for OP's daughter.

Kazzyhoward · 12/09/2017 11:49

She almost certainly just sat at home waiting for her to come back for her, and then only when she finally realised you weren't, she set off, probably much later!

Yowser · 12/09/2017 11:55

My DS is 16 and is really annoying in the morning. I would love to be able to do this to him but we live a 30-35min drive away from school and there are absolutely no options for him to get there on public transport.

Every morning we're supposed to leave the house at 07:35. We lift share with another family whose house we're supposed to be at by 07:45.

I first go into his room at 06:45 (he doesn't hear alarms). He won't get out of bed until about 07:25. This morning he got in the shower at 07:29. Then he was wondering around looking for clothes, packing his bag etc. We finally got in the car at 07:42.

It drives me nuts and he couldn't care less. In his mind we go to school too early. However, I want to be back so I can start work by 09:00. Our lift share actually wants us to be at their house for 07:40 and I've pushed it back to 07:45. I've told him how he is inconveniencing 4 other people every time he does this - me, his sister and the 2 other kids in the car who all manage to be on time.

I encourage him to get his clothes ready the night before and to have his bags packed but he's hell bent on NOT doing it.

I can't leave him at home. It would just mean I have to drive him back in later and I think he'd refuse to go.

I'm hijacking your thread now.

Anyway, I think you did the right thing!

TonySoppyrano · 12/09/2017 12:01

Definitely did the right thing.

I was a complete bastard for not getting up on time as a teenager and it used to stress my mum out more than it stressed me out.

One day, bored of calling me for ages and then rushing around like mad, she came into my room on the third call and tipped a cup of freezing cold water on me.

I sulked, I cried, I ran away from home for about an hour but I most definitely didn't ignore her calls ever again.

gallicgirl · 12/09/2017 12:01

You absolutely did the right thing but as another poster said, call the school and warn them she's late and you don't support it. 2 1/2 mile walk really isn't significant.

I used to be that teen (without the attitude!), hating to get out of bed, unable to function in the morning. Knowing there was a fallback option of a lift would have made me go slower. My stepdad took me once or twice but when he started refusing, I knew I had to get my act together.

I'm still not great in the mornings but I've learned to be organised because I know there's consequences to tardiness.

Theimpossiblegirl · 12/09/2017 12:02

There's no reason not to do your DD's breakfast/lunch- she is still your child and it's a nice thing to do. As for letting her walk- well, you told her to get the other bus, she chose not to, so totally her decision. I bet she doesn't miss the bus again for a while.

My DD is not a natural morning person, so I do the same as you to support her (breakfast, lunch, reminder to sort bags the night before). But she has to catch the bus, there is no public bus, school is 8 miles away and I have usually had to leave for work before her. I do have a secret back-up plan (nearby friend works from home would do it in an emergency) but it's never been needed. Probably because DD doesn't know about it.

JonSnowsWife · 12/09/2017 12:03

Not at all! You did just fine! She needs to learn that she needs to get up to get there in time. She'll be ready for the world of work in a couple of years. She won't last very long if she just strolls in when she feels like it. I would have been a bit more lenient if she was a Yr 7 still finding her feet but at 15 she's simply taking the piss, and relying on you to bail her out again.

Don't feel too bad OP. They have a lovely knack of making us feel like the worst parents ever. My DD only has one school bus going there and back. She knows there's no chance of me bailing her out as I'm busy doing the school run for DS at the same time her bus comes.

Make yourself a strong cuppa when you've got chance. Teenagers eh?

Fink · 12/09/2017 12:05

I really like the three strikes idea. I might be using that in the future!

Maya12 · 12/09/2017 12:06

Did you warn her this would happen? Or did she rely on the bailout as you've always done it and she couldn't have known you wouldn't today? If I get offered a convenient lift every time I can't be bothered to get up, I might find that quite attractive too!

Either way: Just tell her now that you're not taking her in future, and stick to it, and she'll quickly sort herself out.

Pandsbear · 12/09/2017 12:08

Yes you did the right thing well done. She will have to sort herself out and she will (eventually). My DTDs, 12, walk 2.5 miles in 40 mins (ish) on the way to school, longer to get home but that is ok.

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