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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should I let 16 year old DD drink vodka?

94 replies

singingdeborah · 18/08/2017 23:39

So I may not be doing this correctly, as last time I mentioned the name of my daughter and everyone got all up in arms about it talking about how I was 'breaching her privacy'. There are thousands of iother kids with her name, I seriously doubt she actively searches her name on this site considering she's 16 and probably has much better things to do with her time, but hey.

Anyway, DD is 16 years old, she's a very sensible girl with a good knowledge of what's wrong and right. DD and her best friend want to have a sleepover in my house where they will be drinking vodka. The vodka is supplied by DD's friend's mother, who is okay with her drinking spirits as long as she is safe.

We've never had a problem with DD drinking before, but I'd be lying if I said such a strong spirit didn't concern me a little. She has promised me that it will just be the two of them, staying at home and not going anywhere else, and they'll be safe together.

Should I stop her from drinking this altogether? She has had vodka before, but no more than a shot, and apparently they are sharing a bottle, though DD says it's likely they won't even finish it all.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 19/08/2017 07:47

A vodka and Coke maybe. Two giggly 16 year olds with a bottle of vodka, absolutely not.

Sittinginthesun · 19/08/2017 07:51

No - so it's not a party, just two teenage girls sitting in a room drinking vodka? Encouraged by their parents? It doesn't sound right to me.

Yes, I drank spirits at 16. I had a single g & t at my boyfriend's brother's wedding. I had a single rum and coke at my parent's friend's 25th wedding anniversary. I drank cider or lager at parties. We thought kids who drank spirits were losers.

Interestingly, ds and his friends also seem to have a similar attitude - "they're the sort who drinks vodka at *'s house" is not a compliment.

Original poster
singingdeborah · 19/08/2017 07:57

Yes, I do realise if she does get merry then her sensibility will disappear. It's happened to us all before, and so I realise it will most likely happen with a 16 year old. I think the only reason they want to do this is so they can just experiment as safely as I can (I'm aware that there is never a 100% safe way with alcohol) so if they do go to parties they will know their limits better; I hope they are not doing it 'just because'!

I have texted friend's mother, and she has replied this:
'I wasn't expecting them to drink the entire bottle haha😂 if your concerned, I am happy for you to only give them a few shots and then keep the bottle away from them xx'
I think this is a good idea. How much of the drink should I give them?

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 19/08/2017 08:00

I don't have a problem with 16 year olds drinking a bit but there is something wrong about two kids sharing a bottle of vodka. It seems to be sowing the seeds for a lifetime of binge drinking. Strong spirits which they will no doubt mask with fruit juice, go down way too easily.

NeonFlower · 19/08/2017 08:01

I think plenty of 16s will drink that amount, but it seems odd to condone it as some sort of planned activity for a quiet night in.

RaininSummer · 19/08/2017 08:02

Just seen latest post. Maybe get this juice etc to make a couple of nice dilute cocktails. They will feel all sophisticated and hopefully won't get ratarsed and puke everywhere ☺

Stillwishihadabs · 19/08/2017 08:11

I think Neon Flower has it. It is normalising drinking at home during a quiet night in. That is no good thing and has what has resulted in 33 (yes33) year old women being admitted to hospital for liver failure!!! The medical evidence about regular drinking has changed, please don't encourage your teens in this.

Yogagirl123 · 19/08/2017 08:22

No wouldn't dream of encouraging my DS1 who is also 16 to drink alcohol in any form. By encouraging I mean agreeing too it, surely that's giving the green light, why would you?

Helenluvsrob · 19/08/2017 08:23

I don't know why you all assume this is 70 cl vodka for them to drink between them in an evening ?

Some vodka , preferably long with mixers - why not. I'd suggest to my dd they both need to be aware of their units. I might even give them a measure and suggest they at least start measuring it out. 30 units approx in 70cl. So half a bottle between them would be quite a lot but not dangerous.

I'd give them this infor, keep an eye and remove it it I thought things were getting out of hand.

They are in your home and you are in control. Letting them experiment a little is a good thing , though nerve wracking.

Remember they could be in the park nicking it neat without telling you - and would probably do quickly as well so not to be " late home" that would be a recipie for alcohol poisoning.

TestTubeTeen · 19/08/2017 08:27

I would let them have 2 single shits, with a mixer/ in a cocktail.

But it still seems weird to be so conscious and deliberate about it. To me allowing teens to drink in a safe home environment means including them, gradually, in a drink with meals, a celebratory toast or whatever, alongside adults.

It doesn't mean a teen 'let's experiment with alcohol' session.

Is this for a social study on how parents view teen drinking??

TestTubeTeen · 19/08/2017 08:28

Haha, SHOTS, obv...

Helenluvsrob · 19/08/2017 08:28

" normalising drinking on a quiet night in" umm yes..... does the poster of that live a teatotal sober life?

This is a legal drug. If you are going to drink it then you need to know what it does to you and your tolerance for it.

One night in the holidays with some vodka and tonics and a movie isn't always the beginning of the road to liver failure at 30.

To me, this is another point at which loosening the apron strings is appropriate , but you have the capacity to do it safely. Banning stuff that is a part of normal life doesn't work.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 19/08/2017 08:30

It seems so weird that this is a planned activity, as a pp has said.

DS (14) has just had his mate staying over - am trying to picture his mum's face if the planned activities had included giving them a bottle of vodka and seeing how shitfaced they could get Hmm

Stillwishihadabs · 19/08/2017 08:35

I'm not a teetoler (yet-seriously considering it). As I said the research on regular drinking is not good-a glass of wine, with food, fair enough at 16. But I wouldn't want my 16 year old to think it was normal or ok to stay in drinking spirits with a mate. That my opinion and anyone is free to disagree. We have a huge problem with alcohol with people in their 30s,40s and 50's it's a ticking time bomb. We as a society need to recalibrate our attitude to booze and where better to start than with the young.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/08/2017 08:42

Having been at an after prom party recently I'm aware that vodka does seem to be a very popular drink for this age group.

I was amazed at them strolling around with bottles of Grey Goose and Ceroc, it's not cheap!

I don't mind my 16 year old taking a small bottle of vodka to parties to share with friends but I really don't like the idea of booze at sleepovers and have said no to this in the past.

Rainatnight · 19/08/2017 08:48

You don't sound like you're entirely in control of this. It sounds like it's being driven by the other mum, but will take place in YOUR house. As MN is so fond of saying, your house, your rules.

And when you say, 'I think the only reason they want to do this is to experiment as safely as they can', I'm sorry, but you just sound naive.

Two 16 year old friends don't need vodka for a night in.

Perfectly1mperfect · 19/08/2017 16:52

I would make a jug up with maybe 4-6 shots in mixed with coke or whatever and tell them to take it slowly. Give them a film to watch and some food, then it will be more of a fun night rather than just the aim being to finish the alcohol. Pop in on them every so often to make sure they are ok.

They will do it anyway if you don't let them, just somewhere you can't keep an eye on them. It's part of being a teenager. I think it's best it's planned, much safer this way.

It will also strengthen the trust between you and your daughter. I know my kids talk to me because I am fair and not strict for the sake of being strict. If I can let them do something, I will. They then accept it more easily if I say no to something because they know there is a reason.

FrenchRoast · 19/08/2017 17:32

I don't get the the anti vodka but pro alcopops - surely it's the amount of alcohol units consumed that''s the issue.

specialsubject · 19/08/2017 21:27

Saddo central as the object is clearly to get stinking drunk. Do they bore each other when sober?

If this ends up in a and e then please leave a large payment.

applesareredandgreen · 23/08/2017 21:31

Frenchroast the difference between meat vodka and alcopops is the amount you have to drink to get the unit of alcohol. If one unit of vodka is 25 ml then you have approx 5 units in a 125 ml glass but this would be less than one unit of a 1.4 units bottle of alcohol.

I buy my 16 year old alcohol to take to parties but this is a pack of small cans 4% cider. I wouldn't dream of buying him neat vodka or any other spirit

FrenchRoast · 23/08/2017 22:15

But who drinks neat vodka!!!

Wormulonian · 24/08/2017 15:12

maybe they want to test their reaction and limits in a "safe" environment. However, a whole bottle is way too much

candlerings · 30/08/2017 17:12

hell yes

Travelledtheworld · 01/09/2017 13:48

You can't stop them drinking at that age. But you can try to teach them to drink responsibly. If you forbid the alcohol they are more likely to want to try it.

I would give them a lecture about the dangers of drinking, both immediate and longer term. Make sure they only have a smallish bottle Give them plenty of mixers. Take the bottle away when they get halfway down. Make a point of giving them something to eat first.

My normally very sensible DS 16 polished off eleven shots of vodka at a party last year ( no adults present) and said he will never do anything as stupid again. He felt very ill for 24 hours.

SunshineAndSmile · 01/09/2017 15:04

What I would be concerned about is the fact that this is not a party or a social event just a sleepover with 2 girls and a bottle of vodka. There's no social aspect, it's just them and alcohol in their bedroom. The culture of drinking in this country is just not good. I get they want to try it at this age but it should be done in the context of social situations like sharing a meal or a party not sitting in your bedroom with a bottle of vodka.