Help - ds stood up on first ever date - what can I say?

[qashqai]

My first posting on here for years, I hope someone can help me with this.

DS is 17, quite shy, lacks self esteem and thinks himself unattractive :( despite all our efforts to help him.

Anyway, he was supposed to meeting up with a girl this evening to go to the pictures and/or a bite to eat. meet at about 5:00 for early film.
This morning she said she had a shift to work in a cafe, wasn't sure what time she would finish, but would message him when she was free between 5 and 6. He went into town for about 5, has been hanging about since then, she hasn't contacted him, hasn't responded to the 2 messages he has sent her.

It's looking a bit like she's bottled out - fair enough her prerogative I guess, but he's getting the bus back home now. He's going to be really bothered by his, it'll reinforce his poor opinion of himself.

What do DH and I say to him ???

Oh your poor DS. I think the best advice is to tell him she's clearly not worth it (assuming she doesn't contact him with an explanation) but that he mustn't be too bothered by it. I have a teenage ds (now 19) and I think a lot of them are very casual about arrangements. It was different in our day - no mobile phones etc so you had to make very clear arrangements. Now, they all seem to be very vague. Ds has gone out this evening but until about 10 minutes before he left he didn't know if he was going, didn't know which friends were free etc.

If she really hasn't got a good reason not to at least tell him.why she wasn't coming, then she is rude and thoughtless. Hopefully he won't have his confidence knocked too badly.

So she said she was working but would message between 5 and 6 if she was free. Your DS went to town for 5 anyway.

Doesn't sound like he was stood her, her plans changed and she had to work, she told your DS she'd message when she was free but hasn't message meaning she isn't free yet.

If she works in a cafe then likely not allowed to use her phone. She probably wants to get ready and not go out straight from work too so lots of reasons that she's not contacted him yet. Equally she could be really shy and have bottled out too.

Tell him not to be disheartened, it's not a reflection on him as they hadn't had a date yet!

How did it go, did she contact him?