Ds16 has stolen a large sum of money from me

[softlysadly]

Devastated. He's admitted it, so I'm not jumping to false conclusions. Says he regrets and feels very ashamed. But I'm not sure if I believe him. It was money I have been putting away for over a year for our hols (was £1000; he took £750).
Background is he's just finished GCSEs and is partying non stop. Smoking, drinking but not doing stronger drugs (I don't think). He's always been a good, sensible child - relatively hard working, law abiding etc but has gone crazy since GCSEs.
I'm at a loss . Feel so scared it's the start of a really bad patch. I've told him he has to pay it all back.
What else can I do? Anyone have any experience?

Paying it back, yes no question. I would also sell more of his stuff.

Yes to getting him volunteering at a homeless charity, or somewhere where he can see where drugs and theft can lead you. You need to scare the shit out of him.

Thanks Big. Your words are kind.
I don't need flaming. I'm in a terrible state already.

Are you sure there is nothing else going on? £750 is a serious amount of cash for a 16 yr old to take. Has he done anything like this before? Yes definitely make him pay it back, job, sell stuff whatever. But I would really want to understand why this happened?

Aw softly, it's not your fault. This is a huge opportunity for him to learn some facts about life. You sound like a good mum, shown by what he has told you about. This is just one of those cruel to be kind moments.

Don't blame yourself. Some kids are just more of a challenge than others.

My DD is a twin and her sister wouldn't dream of behaving like she does or talking to me and DH the way she does, despite exactly the same parenting and upbringing.

Drugs tests? You can buy them from Amazon, they are cheap.

My db started stealing from the family and it turned out he had a cocaine addiction... was the start of a nightmare time for my parents.
Although I to am I realist, I think your attitude to him taking cannabis is very blasé...a realist would probably expect a 16 year old boy to swig a few cans of cider with his mates...

It seems a massive sum to go through in a month softly.

Could his friends be putting pressure on him if they think he has access to large sums? I mean, he might have "borrowed" a hundred quid or so, and then the they realised where he got it from, they may have been urging him to take more (especially if he's out getting bladdered or spliffed up with them - he isn't thinking clearly then).

I'm not trying to make excuses for him - what he has done is beyond appalling. Stealing is dreadful, but to steal from a family member - his own mam - is beyond dreadful.

Yes - he has to pay back every penny - and point out that the reason you have no holiday for the family is because of his theft. I would also tell him that if anything similar happens again you will go to the police - and mean it.

I know it seems dreadful to shop your own child, but if it saves him from a life of crime it could end up being the best thing for him.

Hopefully though, he is truly sorry and ashamed, and will never do it again. Don't give him an easy ride.

Why on earth were you letting a 16 year smoke, drink and do drugs? Yet the theft is the only thing you appear upset with.

This sounds like a tough situation.
But...
This involves serious drugs and a teenager, coupled with stealing. This is pretty bloody serious and I don't think I'd stop with the festival tickets.
I mean this kindly, OP, but you're the parent and I think you've really got to come down hard on him here.

If he hasn't done anything like this before and he says he feels ashamed and is sorry, I'd believe him. There's no reason not to. If he has form for lying about sorts of things, that's different, but your posts haven't indicated that.

I definitely agree with losing the festival tickets and having to pay back all the money he took, but I think despite your fears it's important to show him that you think of him as a basically good person who made a very wrong decision and needs to face the consequences, rather than that everything's gone wrong and there's no way back from it.

rainbows and unicorns your being very unhelpful please can you explain how you stop some one from smoking drinking and drug taking?

How do stop a 16 year old RainbowsAndUnicorn? Sit on them?
It's not as straightforward as you're making out.

Your 16 year old is doing coke, mdma, weed and has stolen £750. That's not occasional use, that's a serious drug habit.

You need to go to the police. And get him to a dr to talk about getting him help to quit. And stop letting him out of the house.

It's illegal not to let him leave the house
. Anyone else got any bright ideas like this

It's illegal not to let him leave the house
. Anyone else got any bright ideas like this

Sorry this has happened to you. I wouldn't trust your son as much as you do , he stole 750 off you how can you take what he says as the truth? I'd be cutting his phone off pronto , making him work more and paying me back and ground him. I don't think selling festival tickets is adequate really.

Sorry to say my DB did this when he was 15 he had a drug habit and had built up quite a debt. Considering he had birthday money and works that's a huge amount for general living.

Op I've been in a very similar position except my kid brother in law stole all of my money and spent it on games for his tablet and my mother in law new the whole time she let him steal from me for 6 months I stopped them seeing my son til I got back every penny(they refused to pay me back ) took them nearly 2 months point is I got the money back but the trust is non existent I've still not fully forgiven them

My family are liberal lentil munchers, we were all well behaved kids apart from my brother, who stole thousands of pounds from my parents by sneaking out at night with their bank card. It caused huge ructions at the time and my parents nearly divorced over it.

Brother is now a fine, kind and loving family man with three fabulous, clever, socially aware kids of his own.

You do need to punish, of course you do. But you haven't necessarily raised a monster. I used to nick a quid here and there myself.

You poor thing; what a horrible shock.
Does he have a phone, tablet, games console (and games), laptop etc? I'd start by selling the lot - Facebook selling pages are good for a quick sale. He'll have to save up from his part time job to replace them, (once he's paid you back in full, obviously!). Don't be swayed by him whining you're being 'mean' or 'too hard' - tough tit! He stole and he needs to feel your wrath! Is his dad around? What's his view? (Apologies if he's not). Best of luck, and remember, it's not your fault.

I can almost 99% guarantee you that he is doing more drugs than he is admitting.

I was at a festival a month or so ago. The amount of 16/17 year olds off their faces was unbelievable. What festival is he supposed to be going to?

I'd take a bet it's Reading or Leeds - all the kids go there after gcse's, and yes, they're all totally mashed.

Huge loud alarm bells about his friends and his hobbies!! It's not just a bit of occasional weed or a tin of cider.

I'd be helping him write up his CV and helping him deliver it to various places for summer and weekend work. What sort of thing is he interested in or good at?

He needs to get a job to help him understand the value of money and to learn how to handle it responsibly. Getting a job will also give him something constructive to do.

I'd also make it very clear to him that he must pay it back in full and if he ever steals cash again, you'll be reporting him to the police

Wow! He's taken/stolen £750 - plus spent B'day money & PTJ income as well!

My initial thought would be hard drugs!

Or, he's been buying friendships :(

I think you are right in making him sell his ticket - I'd also sign him up as a volunteer - that would seriously impact on his FREE time.