Is this a normal row?

[bellylaughs]

On holiday at the moment living in very close quarters and a big row erupted tonight between me, DH, DD1 and DD2.
Background is DD1(15) is quite easy usually, DD2 (13) seems to be at that age where you can't say hi her without her telling you how you've done it wrong/been stupid/irrelevant etc.
Anyway, only arrived yesterday and things have been a bit tense with only one bathroom - Dd3(11) and Dd4 (7)also with us- but today and this evening went really well, all had a laugh at dinner, played cards etc.
DH and I relaxed and had a couple of glasses of beer. Not too much at all but potentially enough to lessen our patience i suppose. Anyway we get back to the accommodation tonight and suddenly a huge row kicks off because DD1,DD2 and DH all need their phones charged for the morning and we only have two adapters on holiday with us. DH always runs first thing and needs his phone for music/gps then it became a debate about which of DD1 or DD2's phones should go on the other charger. I was shocked at the desperation they both felt to get their phones charged. They were shouting at each other and us about who was more in need of a charge. It all got very shouty and I dread to think what the (very close by) neighbours must think. Anyway, DH and I came back into room and DH called DD2 a b and generally ranted about her attitude behaviour etc. Later she told me that she heard all this and is upset as is DD1 as she thinks we row more than other families and what is wrong with us etc etc. After I thought it had all settled down and DH and I are in bed I then hear a new row kickng off between the two of them with DD2 complaining that DD1's Kindle light was on too bright and DD1 refusing to lower it. At that point I had had enough bed and had a go at both of them particularly DD1 as I suppose I was just fuming that they would kick off again after what had just happened. Of course that set DD1 off crying actually it how we were not a normal family because we argued too much.
So I suppose my question is how bad are we? Are we normal or is it disfunctional to call your daughter names (albeit thinking you're out of earshot) and generally shout loudly in very close quarters at 11pm-ish
I can't decide for myself as some of my friends with teens seem to have similar rows and others always deal with things quietly and calmly.
Obviously I know my DH should never use a word like that about DD but when they have been incredibly entitled, rude, aggressive and generally unbearable imfor the last fee months/years then part of me can understand the frustration especially since he didn't say it to her but rather as a rant to himself with the door shut etc. Do other families of teens have horrible rows like this or is it really out of the norm/unacceptable?

I'd assume that the alcohol blunted my patience. And I'd remember that we often have a big row in the first set of the holiday, say sorry and hug everyone. This year I actually reminded my kids that we row often on day 1 beforehand and asked that we all try to be calm. This actually worked!

The 'bitch' thing is absolutely awful and your DH should be mortified and apologising. I do understand the explosion of frustration but that's a word he should ban himself from using.

Arguing families does NOT equal a bad relationship when the DC are older.

Two chargers was always going to end up in an epic row. DH should apologise for calling DD a bitch, then go and buy another charger. Primark have super long leads for about 3 quid

Sounds normal to me - apart from the name calling. For future ref you need one of these - we're on holiday just now and it's been a life saver.

It seems like your family style is to launch into raising voices pretty quick, when it's not yet necessary. The children will therefore learn that's that is how to get things done.

The biggest problem right now surely is that your dd2 feels like one of the most important people in her entire life, one of the people she feels safest with....thinks she's a bitch.

It doesn't really matter what's gone before now. He doesn't deserve any respect from her and he'll need to earn that back now. And she's going to feel pretty fed with everyone else too.

Especially silly of your dh given that he'd actually won the argument, because he want mature enough to take responsibility for not having brought enough adaptors and apparently couldn't really act his age and forgo his mobile phone while the teenagers were acting their age and really wanting them.

I know it won't help this holiday, but I've started to take and extension lead on holiday. Only now need a couple of adapters but can charge all our tech. It's been a life saver, what with phones, iPads and kindles etc there's so much to charge every day.

Don't beat yourself up, i you're doing the best you can xx

Sounds like normal family mayhem to me. Especially on holiday with a large family.

The name calling is really awful. I cannot imagine that in my family.

Why does he need a phone to run? How would he have survived ten years ago? Use a map, or just run one way, remembering where you've been, then run back. I've done that in plenty of places that were new to me.

The adults should be the calm in the room.

I also dont see why their father got priority just because he was going for run.

I would want my phone on my run, but if I'd forgotten to bring sufficient adaptors for me as ds2 (and normally I have power blocks too, so those get charged first) I would have set the alarm for 30 minutes earlier to charge my phone before the run

Everyone responsible for their own chargers in this house never had any arguments and the one whose charger it is gets preference.

Would also wonder how many beers involved and who's the parents.

If mine ended up arguing about phones etc. They just get lobbed out the window and stuff their attitude.

Dh was wrong to call her that in her earshot. My DD would be devastated if she heard that from us.
Holidays are harder as kids share rooms etc. When we all sleep in one hotel room (max a couple of nights), everyone gets very irritated with each other.
Buy another charger!

Its the mobile phone situation. The average 2017 teen literally freaks out lack of or potential phone access. Wrong but it is how it is for most.
As a mum of teens this kind of row could easily kicked off in the same cirxumstances in our family. In anger we all say things we dont really mean.

I do think for the sake of better relations for the rest of the holiday another charger or adaptor should be purchased. The dsciplinarian in me says no but the worn down mum of teens says just get another 1 or else this rowm wiĺl repeat every night x

That sort of screaming row would have meant neither got their phone charged in my house.

Sounds pretty normal to me, I only have one teenager but family life holidays can be a nightmare & lots of teenagers can be incredibly entitled about their 'rights' particularly where technology is involved. I am not proud to admit that I have sworn in frustration at my 16 year old.

I am enjoying he peace as DS has gone off for a week's camp with NCS.

6 people sharing a bathroom and only 2 adaptors is a recipe for tension.

Agree with Bertrand on the rest.

OP I have to say that I'm surprised at some of the responses- this sounds exactly like what went down on my family holidays as standard when me and my siblings were teens!!! They were like organised charabancs for constant arguing- my parents calling any of us bitches thinking they were out of earshot would have been entirely justified.

We are in our 30s with good relationships with one another and our parents now- all absolutely fine. Stop beating yourself up about it, you're not the most dysfunctional family that ever lived. You couldn't pay me to go on holiday with my parents and siblings now though!

I'd be tempted do to turn of the wifi on everyone's phones assuming you're abroad or at least having a few hours with no phones each day.

Your dh is out of order and yes he needs to apologise.

My mum and I used to have huge HUGE rows. She'd call me all sorts of names to my face. We see each other about once a year and live in different countries now.

You and your DH don't sound anything near as bad as my teenage years so don't sweat the small stuff.

I know this is off topic, but if it was causing such a riot why didn't your DH just forgo charging his phone before it got to the point of namecalling? Surely it would have made more sense for both girls to have a charger therefore negating the argument in the first place.

Your husband is out of order here

Firstly, why can't he run without a phone, what nonsense. Why can't he deal with the situation without shouting and calling his DD a bitch (shocking, imo).

We've had this situation, there are compromises to be made: eg, your DH could charge his phone for an hour (enough for his precious run) then plug in the DD phone.

Also, just spend the £2 on an extra plug.

Also, this must be crap for you to be caught in the middle.

Your DH is being a dick here though.

Sounds a lot like arguments we'd have in my family when we were that age, especially on holiday. I wouldn't worry too much OP my sister and I now get on brilliantly with my mum as adults, see each other lots, plan days out and spa days etc and go on holiday together.

It would have very much upset me to hear my dad call me a bitch especially from another room and think maybe he should apologise. I overhead a couple of similar things said in anger when I was a teen - my dad said I looked ugly when I was angry for example and it has always really stuck with me and has had a huge effect on my self esteem.

So many things going on here.

1. Go out today and buy enough adapters for everyone. Teens can be bad enough on holiday without them fretting fir the rest if the holiday that they can charge their phones.
2. Your Dh calling his DD a bitch is awful. I hope im he apologised, if he hadn't he needs to, this morning.
3. Arguing isn't uncommon, but you say it escalates very quickly. That is not normal or nice. You need to all learn to discuss issues without shouting so much. But it's you and DH who need to set the benchmark. Having an argument about a phone charger and calling your dd a bitch, does not set a very good precedent.

You all need to sit down and have a talk and agree rules about disagreements. where everyone has a say and compromises are reached. Shouting and name calling will not be allowed - by anyone.

Excuse typos

Oh I think it's pretty normal to argue on the first day of holiday! Throw in raging hormones and it's fun, fun, fun...
I disagree about the "just buy another charger" advice. They need to learn to negotiate and manage disappointment. And as you pointed out, they were arguing about kindle lights soon after. It's not the technology, it's kids struggling with hormones, changes in routine, expectations.

Tedious isn't it!!

Anyone who doesn't think this sounds pretty normal doesn't have entitled teens in the house. Before I did I would have been judgy but these days I totally get the frustration of living with someone who thinks they come first in everything always just because. In my house our phones would get charged first because we thought to bring chargers and didn't just assume they'd be provided. Also it's old fashioned but we do the organising, feeding, driving and pay for everything involved in a family holiday so yes we the parents have first dibs.