Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

15 yr and alcohol

19 replies

Sweetnsalty · 16/06/2017 19:12

Dd wants permission to drink couple of beers with friends. I'm torn. I can't keep her home and away from friends indefinitely. I'm pleased she is asking but she's 15. She will also do it anyway without my permission. I r ally don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:

troodiedoo · 16/06/2017 19:13

Is it a party?

Original poster

Sweetnsalty · 16/06/2017 19:20

A small social gathering with his friends.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sweetnsalty · 16/06/2017 19:21

They're a group of friends. It's not a special ocassion .

OP posts:

Original poster

Sweetnsalty · 16/06/2017 19:22

They've just started socialising as a group of girls and boys but known each other since primary school.

OP posts:

troodiedoo · 16/06/2017 19:26

Well you can say you're against it and remind him it's illegal. Or you can say you're not happy but accept that he will do it so just be sensible. Or you can say enjoy yourself and look forward to cleaning up sick later. A lot of people seem to go with the latter these days.

Do you think he'll go too far?

He may also be asking because he wants you to forbid it.

BloodWorries · 16/06/2017 19:26

Has she had any alcohol at home before?

If this is her first time I'd encourage her to not drink this time, but to maybe have a bottle at home with family first.

I'm not saying it's right for a 15 year old to be drinking, but the reality is that kids will and do drink. At least if she's at home the first few times she can learn the effects of alcohol in a safer environment with you around. And it might help her open up to talking about knowing your limits and staying safe.

If she does already drink at home then I don't see an issue with it (apart from it being illegal and harmful... but she's going to do it regardless).

Will there be any adults around? Encourage her to call you at any point if she needs to. Better to be phoned to collect her in a state than for her to wide up in trouble.

troodiedoo · 16/06/2017 19:29

Sorry just re read that it's dd not ds, apologies!

Original poster

Sweetnsalty · 16/06/2017 19:30

She's had small beers at special ocassions.

OP posts:

MatchsticksForMyEyes · 16/06/2017 19:30

If my Y11 form are anything to go by, it does not teach them to know their limits. I've heard tales of them helping friends to the loo who are too drunk, people being carried out to their parent's car, weekend-long hangovers...

Original poster

Sweetnsalty · 16/06/2017 19:49

I'm with you match but what's the options. I can say no and she will do it anyway. I'd rather she continued to be honest with me. Then nothing comes as a surprise. I've said no tonight but she's out with friends and I'm positive she will drink anyway. It's so difficult having teens!!!!

OP posts:

Mylittlestsunshine · 16/06/2017 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mylittlestsunshine · 16/06/2017 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

troodiedoo · 16/06/2017 19:57

Make sure you tell her shots are not fun and will make you very ill. My 16 year old dd learnt this the hard way new years eve and hasn't drunk since.

leonardthelemming · 16/06/2017 20:26

If she does already drink at home then I don't see an issue with it (apart from it being illegal and harmful... but she's going to do it regardless).

Is it illegal? If it's at a private house then surely it's OK from age five? Different matter if they are going to be in a public place though...

Original poster

Sweetnsalty · 16/06/2017 20:37

Definitely public place or friends house. She has a 9pm curfew.. I'm not allowing drinking at home. I've allowed it at family functions supervised. But just special I ocassion

OP posts:

FanSpamTastic · 16/06/2017 20:38

It is not illegal for a 15 year old to have alcohol.

law here

I have a 15 year old too. We have discussed alcohol, we have let her try different types at home (small sips not whole glasses!). We have talked about why people drink. We have talked about parties and dangers of too much alcohol. So far her peer group don't seem to be in to drinking at parties.

We have pointed out that it is illegal for her to try and buy alcohol or for other people to buy alcohol for under 18s. But we have not forbidden it. Like you I would rather they felt they could talk about it to us.

Original poster

Sweetnsalty · 16/06/2017 20:44

Thanks Fan.

OP posts:

Allthebestnamesareused · 16/06/2017 20:46

My DS is out tonight and I have said I would rather he didn't but if he must could he limit it to one beer.

He had some beers with friends at a "gathering" here (which seems to be the current terminology) and didn't handle it well (even with me here! Only had a couple then). I reminded him of this and he has said he probably won't have any.

I suspect he might but at least the dialogue is open. He also knows that he is more likely to be allowed to go if he tells the truth about what is going on rather than lying and then me finding out there was beer there after - which means he won't go next time!

Angelicinnocent · 16/06/2017 21:08

My DD is 15. Rule for parties in her peer group is you bring your own, other parents don't provide and it's a 2 drink maximum. Any more will be confiscated and returned to your parents when they collect you. Seems to work.

Flip