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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Found Anti-Depressants in sons room

96 replies

user1497458020 · 14/06/2017 17:38

Hey!

I was cleaning my sons room hes not long back from moving back into our house from university, I found anti-depressant medications. He has not mentioned anything to me or my husband about any problems that he has been having. What should I do?

Fi

OP posts:
IAmNotAUserNumber · 14/06/2017 18:32

If he feels like he can't come and talk to you wouldn't you rather he got support than struggling alone? Try to show a little more support and interest in his life but stay away from the medication. He's an adult, treat him as one.
What Bobbiepin said.

Vanillaisboring666 · 14/06/2017 18:33

Why does he need to tell you ??? He is being pro active and getting help for his depression

corythatwas · 14/06/2017 18:33

Could also add (not that I suppose the OP is listening) that I also see this from the other end, as a lecturer and tutor of students who become ill with depression. And no, it's not some kind of fashion that students indulge in to draw attention to themselves, it does not affect the majority of students, but it does affect a certain number every year.

It is an illness which some may already have struggled with for years. But it is also an illness which, like glandular fever, hits many when they are at a particularly vulnerable stage of their lives. Moving away from home, learning to live independently and often with money worries, grappling with often very demanding studies, with the future still uncertain- it does weaken people's resistance.

Funny how you never hear how glandular fever can't be real because so many go down with it when they first move from home.

wobbly1 · 14/06/2017 18:35

Sadly many people with mental health issues see it as a stigma, taboo or burden and find it hard to seek support from those close to them. Try to talk about the subject in a general way, for example if it's raised in the media, and see if he opens up. You are absolutely right in wanting to 'do' something. Ignore the somewhat cruel comments to leave him alone and he's dealing with it etc. Taking tablets is not dealing with it. It is part of a complex process of recovery which includes social support and talking therapy. You sound like a caring and worried mother and I'm sure if he opens up you will be able to offer him invaluable support. But you just need to tread gently so that he doesn't feel his privacy has been invaded.

GahBuggerit · 14/06/2017 18:35

And why are you cleaning an adults room? Hmm

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 14/06/2017 18:38

Bluntly, OP, depression can lead to death or serious injury. Your son is clearly not just attention-seeking because he got help quietly.

You need to respect his privacy & tell your youngest to do the same.

Birdsbeesandtrees · 14/06/2017 18:38

I've no idea why you think it's anything to do with you.

Nor why you need to know who his friends are. He's an adult. Not 5.

Sneaking medicines into the house ? Do you ask permission from he household to bring medicines in ?

FortyFacedFuckers · 14/06/2017 18:39

Sorry OP no wonder he is secretive you sound completely unsupportive & very unreasonable!

purpleprincess24 · 14/06/2017 18:40

My DS who is 25 told me recently that he'd been to his GP for help during his last few months at university, as he just felt he wasn't coping and he was prescribed antidepressants for a short period.

Obviously as a mother you worry about your adult children but they will tell you what they want you to know, when they want you to know it. it isn't your right as a parent, just because he's still living in your home.

Imagine how you'd feel if your DS went through your bedside cabinet and questioned you on the contents!

He is not a child and you must start by giving him complete privacy

As a mother to similar aged adult children, I'm absolutely appalled on his behalf.

corythatwas · 14/06/2017 18:42

"Taking tablets is not dealing with it. It is part of a complex process of recovery which includes social support and talking therapy."

The kind of treatment required will differ from patient to patient. Talking therapy is not right for every patient. And many patients are unable to access any therapy at all until their mood has been stabilised on AD's.

The OP has no means of knowing what support her ds is getting but universities normally do offer professional counselling.

As you say, treading gently is the way to go. But that does definitely not include jumping to conclusions that he is not dealing with it.

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 14/06/2017 18:45

But you just need to tread gently so that he doesn't feel his privacy has been invaded.

I'm not saying the OP shouldn't support her son. Of course not. But confronting him about the tablets and asking why he didn't confide in her doesn't sound supportive.

Surely a caring mum can just carry on being caring, keep her eyes open & if she (legitimately) sees anything that worries her talk to him about it?

Justanothersingledoutnumber · 14/06/2017 18:48

The best way to make sure he doesn't feel his privacy is invade is to question him about sneeking Medication into the house, poppin pills' ask him who his friends are, go through his room and his draws.

MrsJayy · 14/06/2017 18:52

Tbh I don't really know who my dds friends were/are by this age they would mention names of so n so or whats hername but because they were notold school friends I didn't know them this is nornal I think. Your son is being a grown up with an independent life not being shady and secretative

NerrSnerr · 14/06/2017 18:53

I can see why he didn't he'll you. I wonder how much of it was tidying and how much was snooping?

WellThisIsShit · 14/06/2017 18:53

You sound full of anger at your son, which is very sad. Anger he's dared to seek treatment in a way he's entitled and expected to as an adult. Anger he's dared to be 'secretive and deep'. Anger he hasn't asked your permission to be ill. Anger he's brought certain medicines 'into your house' (like its dope or some kind of elicit drug!). And some very confused and misplaced anger his illness might somehow effect (infect?) your younger child...

I'd sit down and have a think about where all this anger is coming from. And where your concern, care and compassion for your son has gone? Hopefully it's that you are shocked and it's coming out as anger and resentment. Rage at it and maybe it will all to away?

But please please don't show your son this reaction, it will not help his mental health at all.

Blossomdeary · 14/06/2017 18:56

Sounds as though the meds are working or you would have noticed him being depressed. All good.

The only problem is you looking in his drawers - leave him to tidy his own room - who knows he might like it untidy - I know my DDs did!

Birdsbeesandtrees · 14/06/2017 18:56

You actually sound incredibly nosey.

SenseiWoo · 14/06/2017 18:57

If he is feeling depressed or whatever then he should have come and talked to me or his dad. I don't like the thought of him just taking medication all the time

Unfortunately, depression usually isn't cured just by talking to your family, although emotional support from family and friends is very important.

Your son has done a brave and responsible thing by seeking treatment. Try to be kind and loving, and he will probably open up to you in time.

PacificDogwod · 14/06/2017 19:01

Stop cleaning an adult's room.
Stop 'tidying' and 'putting stuff away' - that way you won't come across stuff he likely did not want to share with you.

He may not wish to talk to his parents about his MH - that is his good right. He is under no obligation to discuss his health with you.

And how physical and mental health problems are somehow different to you, I really don't understand.

Yes, he's back home from university. In the ?3 years he's been away, he will have matured and gown-up. Him living at home only has any chance of working if you do NOT treat him like the teenager/school boy who left.

And I hope your 11 year old knows to not just take somebody else's pills? If he doesn't, you need to teach him that.

I understand that you may be concerned for your older son's wellbeing, but other than being open to listening to him if he wants to disclose anything to you you cannot make him open up to you, and in fact if you push he may well clam up completely.

choli · 14/06/2017 19:02

My mother used to do things like go through my drawers while pretending to tidy my room. It had a very bad effect on our relationship.

PacificDogwod · 14/06/2017 19:02

What do you 'not like' about him taking medication 'all the time'?

You really know nothing about it.
Give him credit for having addressed a problem he felt he had.

FuzzyOwl · 14/06/2017 19:10

I have taken antidepressants for depression. I have also taken them for a whole host of other things from IBS to pain management. He could be taking antidepressants for a large number of reasons but regardless, it is his business and he needs kindness and support.

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 14/06/2017 19:12

You have massively overstepped a mark. He's an adult

You've been interfering and snooping and nosy. You should be ashamed of yourself.

corythatwas · 14/06/2017 19:13

That is very true, FuzzyOwl; we don't even know what the ds' diagnosis is.

Dawnedlightly · 14/06/2017 19:14
Shock I can't imagine why he didn't tell you Hmm Back off before you lose him. He's 20, he has the maturity to recognise he needs help and access it. NC would be the obvious next step because you sound toxic.
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