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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Found Anti-Depressants in sons room

96 replies

user1497458020 · 14/06/2017 17:38

Hey!

I was cleaning my sons room hes not long back from moving back into our house from university, I found anti-depressant medications. He has not mentioned anything to me or my husband about any problems that he has been having. What should I do?

Fi

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 14/06/2017 17:59

I was on anti D's at a similar age. Did I tell my folks? Did I fuck. It was private.

bigredboat · 14/06/2017 17:59

For heavens sake, if he had diabetes would you not like the idea of him taking insulin all the time? Because that's medicine too. He has sought medical attention for a medical condition and is getting appropriate treatment (hopefully talking therapies as welll). If he wants to tell you about he will.

Hiphopopotamus · 14/06/2017 17:59

How old is your son OP? Do you tell him about every medication you're on? Do you discuss all your doctors visits with your parents? He is an adult and is entitled to his legal medical privacy

wowbutter · 14/06/2017 18:00

You educate your other child and you don't say anything. He obviously doesn't want to discuss it with you. He didn't leave them lying around, they're in a drawer, in his room.

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 14/06/2017 18:00

Speaking as someone who has been depressed:

  1. Talking to a GP is a huge step. Be proud of him.

  2. I didn't tell my parents until I felt better. That's no reflection on them, just how I wanted to handle it.

  3. He obviously doesn't expect family members to go through his drawers. You seem to think it's normal (both you and younger brother).

He's taking responsibility for himself. Respect that.

Original poster
user1497458020 · 14/06/2017 18:01

He is 20 my oldest, It has only been since he went to uni he has become secretive and deep, will not tell us anything keeps everything secret who his friends are etc

OP posts:
wowbutter · 14/06/2017 18:01

Now I've seen your update about you not liking him taking medicines all the time. Would you feel the same if he had diabetes? If he had hypothyroidism? Anything medical that needs long term medication? Anything other than a mental health condition?

Back off and parent the child that still needs a parent.

Hiphopopotamus · 14/06/2017 18:02

He's 20? First of all why have you posted in teenagers? He's an adult in his 20s. Back off for goodness sake

MingeFog · 14/06/2017 18:03

OP you remind me of my mother, and I would have the exact same reaction as your son in this case. It is NOT your right to know what is going on in his life. It is NOT your right to demand he shares his private medical info with you. The more you push him, the more he will withdraw from you. I have a very superficial relationship with my mother because I can't bear her constant prying and demands.

Justanothersingledoutnumber · 14/06/2017 18:03

He is 20 my oldest, It has only been since he went to uni he has become secretive and deep, will not tell us anything keeps everything secret who his friends are etc

That's probably becuase he has depression..... FFS leave him alone!

Squishedstrawberry4 · 14/06/2017 18:03

I your shoes I'd plan a few walks or drives with him. And just chat about stuff generally. See how things are but don't expect him to tell you about the medication unless he wants to

Original poster
user1497458020 · 14/06/2017 18:03

Well no cos they are a different type of medical problem.

OP posts:
Justanothersingledoutnumber · 14/06/2017 18:05

Well no cos they are a different type of medical problem.

they are more real problems?

You need to educate yourself, and to do it quickly.

lobsterface · 14/06/2017 18:05

You do nothing, he's 20 for flips sake!

Hiphopopotamus · 14/06/2017 18:06

🙄 I know you didn't ask but you are being completely unreasonable. I'm backing out of this thread now because I'm getting too angry on behalf of your son, and you're obviously not listening to anything anyone is saying

SacharissaCrisplock · 14/06/2017 18:12

It took me years to admit to my parents I suffered from depression after being diagnosed in my early 20s.

It wasn't that I didn't love them or didn't want to talk to them but I was trying to sort my own head out without trying to field a million and one comments from my parents too.

Just leave it. He'll tell you when he's ready.

ElspethFlashman · 14/06/2017 18:12

In fairness to the OP I imagine my mother would have reacted the exact same way. Including thinking I was a teen at 20.

Which is why I was pretty secretive, tbh.

HappyLollipop · 14/06/2017 18:14

He's an adult give him his privacy, when he's ready he'll talk to you. Your other son is 11 not 1 if he doesn't know already to not take medication that's not his then I think you have bigger issues to worry about!

Mustang27 · 14/06/2017 18:17

Op I could understand if you came on and said you are gutted that your son is depressed and hadn't come to speak to you about it. However all I'm reading from your post and replies are that you are annoyed. I literally don't know where to start to explain to you that your son has no requirement to discuss his MH with for so many reasons.

You need to accept you have no right to him or his thoughts as he is an adult who has obviously spoken to a qualified medical expert that has deemed it a fit treatment. However you feel about it does not trump that.

If you really give a shit about how he feels you could quietly say you saw the pills, give his hand a squeeze or a hug depending on what is right for your relationship and remind him that if he has anything going on and ever needs to talk that you are there for him regardless but also there is no pressure to talk to you about it either.

MagentaRocks · 14/06/2017 18:18

When you say a different type of medical problem what do you mean? Less real maybe. If you have a headache you take painkillers, if you have diabetes you take insulin, if you have depression you take anti depressants. Can't see the difference myself.

I'm not surprised he is secretive. He is an adult. He is allowed privacy.

GahBuggerit · 14/06/2017 18:20

You do absolutely nothing.

corythatwas · 14/06/2017 18:20

"Well no cos they are a different type of medical problem."

What on earth do you mean by this? Do you think there is something shameful about suffering from MH problems? Or do you think they are somehow "not real"?

In that case, I can perfectly well understand why he has not told you about his prescription. If you want adult children to discuss private matters with you, then you have to be the kind of parent they feel they can talk to.

I have a dd of the same age who is also on AD's. She speaks openly to me about her situation and her plans for dealing with it. There is a reason for that. And I am very, very proud of her for pursuing her education despite some quite serious health problems.

As for your younger son, how have you brought him up if he thinks it is acceptable to go through his older brother's drawers and steal and eat his medicine? Unless he has severe special needs and cannot understand what much younger children are able to understand.

PopcornBits · 14/06/2017 18:24

Wow maybe there's a reason he didn't come talk to you in the first place Hmm

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 14/06/2017 18:27

Op I could understand if you came on and said you are gutted that your son is depressed and hadn't come to speak to you about it. However all I'm reading from your post and replies are that you are annoyed. I literally don't know where to start to explain to you that your son has no requirement to discuss his MH with for so many reasons

I agree with this ^^^

I came on here to give my experience of my own teenage DD, who was on ADS. (Which I knew all about), but you don't want to know about how to help your son. You are just peed off with him!

You need to think about why he hasn't told you!

FritataPatate · 14/06/2017 18:29

Sorry to be harsh, OP, but do you know what they largest cause of death is in your son's age group? Rejoice that he's getting help. Do NOT encourage him to stop the meds.