How do romances normally end in then teenage years?

[Teenageromance]

I don't mean the short lived romances but the ones that last for a while. Concerned that dd has heartbreak ahead but thinks she is in a forever relationship. Not quite sure how to protect her except to keep her engaged with her other friendships and activities

leonardthelemming

DS is 15, yr 10. He is failing at school. He's not particularly mature. I have responsibility for him. He is a child, whatever he and you believe. And I have to act in what I believe to be his best interests, without being a cow.

DS is 15, yr 10. He is failing at school.

As a (retired) teacher I would be very concerned about this.

He's not particularly mature.

There is a degree of individual variation, and boys tend to mature later than girls, because they complete puberty later. By age 16 though, boys usually manage to catch up.

I have responsibility for him.

You have responsibility to him.

He is a child, whatever he and you believe.

It isn't a question of what I believe. In fact I'm very much against believing things. But it is a fact that an adolescent is not a child. And treating them as if they are a child is not likely to help. There was an excellent TV programme that explored this. It's available on YouTube (in bits, for some reason). It's called "Wait until your teacher gets home".

And I have to act in what I believe to be his best interests

Well of course you do. Did you really think I was suggesting otherwise? As a parent, until your child reaches the school leaving age you have a duty to ensure they are educated. We may have to disagree on how to tackle the problem though. I really do recommend that TV programme.

I don't think you can protect your children from heartbreak. It's part of growing up. I had my heart well and truly broken at 19 (and again at 30), but you know what? It really made me stronger and smarter about what I wanted/needed from a relationship. I wouldn't change it for the world - and thank god I didn't stick with my first bf , so not my type (now, then, ever!)

I met DH when I was 15. We met online. I lived in USA, he lived in England. We are still together now at 30. We had a long distance teenage relationship, it was heartbreaking at times to be so far away from each other.

I think you can though guide from the vantage point of wisdom. So left to her own devices dd would see boyfriend every free minute. She is not old enough to have the perspective yet to see this is not good long term. So I think I still need to put in some limits while she is living at home (and while I can!)

I think you can though guide from the vantage point of wisdom.

Change "wisdom" to "experience" and I would agree with you.

So left to her own devices dd would see boyfriend every free minute. She is not old enough to have the perspective yet to see this is not good long term.

Change "old enough" to "experienced enough" and I would agree with you.

So I think I still need to put in some limits while she is living at home

But then you would be undermining her own decision-making skills. If you don't interfere, she will learn for herself. And she won't resent your interfering and will be more likely to confide in you.

(and while I can!)

I think this is illusory. 16-year-olds have a lot of rights nowadays - since the concept of parental responsibility was introduced (in 1989, iirc). If you were to impose limits the outcome would depend very much on how compliant she is. She may just accept it, but if she chose to ignore you and go with her own decision, it's difficult to see what you could actually do about it.

Rather than impose limits, why not have a discussion about it? She may accept your point of view. If she herself decides to limit her time with him then she'll keep to it.

Well my DS and gf have been separated for a week while she has been away on work experience and he has been completely lost. All well and good trying to encourage them to keep their own interests and see their own friends but at the moment that is not happening! Realistically all we can do is be here for him if it doesn't work out.

It's so all consuming at this age isn't it.