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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

How do romances normally end in then teenage years?

83 replies

Teenageromance · 09/06/2017 14:06

I don't mean the short lived romances but the ones that last for a while. Concerned that dd has heartbreak ahead but thinks she is in a forever relationship. Not quite sure how to protect her except to keep her engaged with her other friendships and activities

OP posts:

loobylou10 · 09/06/2017 16:28

princessachica - She might do that too, its not just men that behave badly!

Original poster

Teenageromance · 09/06/2017 17:20

It's reassuring to hear the success stories but also that many people got over heartbreak quite quickly. whatever happens with dd it is lovely to hear all these young love success stories

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Howdidthathappen1 · 09/06/2017 19:40

My dd' s bf ended their 20 month relationship (they were 13 and 15 when got together) 3 months ago. She's still not over it and has become a bit of a bunny boiler!
So I have no ideas on how to protect / prepare them from the heartbreak but can advise you prepare yourself!
We've done tissues chocolate, days out, inviting mates round, as much distraction as possible.
I'm going with the 'this to will pass theory atm

claraschu · 09/06/2017 19:54

Both my boys had serious teenage romances which lasted about 18 months and then naturally fizzled out, without too much extreme anguish. Despite being happily married to my first boyfriend (26 years now), I was so pleased when my sons' relationships died natural deaths.

I like all 3 girls, and felt very close to one of them, but really felt it was great for my sons to have the chance to meet new people, start new lives, have fun being free, etc, and having the experiences I never had. Lots of people have said how nice it is when relationships last, but I want to add that it can be great when they fizzle out too!

LemonyFresh · 09/06/2017 19:55

I fell in love at first sight, and the feeling has never gone.

Original poster

Teenageromance · 09/06/2017 20:59

Howdidthathappen - I would find that so hard. We just can't
Make it ok for them only time can and another relationship possibly. I would just love to have a crystal ball so that I could know the outcome. Parenting doesn't get any easier does it!

OP posts:

leonardthelemming · 10/06/2017 09:57

The Incredible String Band (that's going back a bit) had a song called "First Girl I Loved". It's on YouTube etc. There's a more recent film with the same name though, so you need to put Incredible String Band in the search string. Worth a listen, I think.

OP - I'm going to PM you. Hope that's OK.

NoLoveofMine · 10/06/2017 17:45

They end by social media him liking or commenting another girls picture or him following a girl or adding her or messaging her basically showing interest in another girl online

Unless the comment was objectifying I can't see why there'd be anything wrong with a boy liking or making a friendly comment on another girl's photograph (or vice versa). Nor would there be anything wrong with someone in a relationship adding or messaging someone of the other sex (or same sex if in a same sex relationship), no matter the age. Unless you're suggesting all teenagers are paranoid or get het up about these things, which is inaccurate.

I'd imagine one party "showing interest" in someone else would be problematic for any relationship no matter the age of the partners.

LoveBeingAMum555 · 25/06/2017 20:11

I think about this too. Although there are only a few months between 16 yo DS and his GF she still has a year left at school and he goes off to a new college in September. DS thinks he will be with his GF for ever and I can see him not making much effort to make new friends in September because she is the only person that he really wants to spend time with.

But he has to work all that out for himself. I just want him to enjoy this time of his life and make the most of new opportunities.

Westiegirl3 · 25/06/2017 20:17

Another success story from me. I've been in a relationship with my H since we we're 14, we're 35 this year, and married for 9 years. We're complete opposites in personalities and hobby's but we're best mates and have the most amazing marriage.
Just give them a chance, who knows how long any relationships are going to last irrelevant of our ages.

Original poster

Teenageromance · 26/06/2017 07:58

Love being - I think it is inevitable that they want to spend lots of their time together as it's such a close relationship but it's a worry isn't it? I'm still not sure what boundaries to put around it and think we can only encourage from the sidelines that they keep contact with friends.

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silkpyjamasallday · 26/06/2017 08:46

I was with my most serious teenage boyfriend from 15-19, he was three years older and our relationship survived his gap year in china and then him going to uni three hours away from our hometown. However, by the time I went to uni, and we were much closer geographically, I was sick of him as he majorly took me for granted. I went and broke up with him in person and he admitted he had been cheating on me the whole time while insisting as I was on the implant we didn't need to use condoms luckily I didn't catch anything, but I felt so stupid as I had had my suspicions he had been cheating but ignored it. I wanted it to work out, in part because my parents have been together over 30 years having met at university and all their friends coupled up and are all also still together in their 50s. So most of the adult relationships I had seen had been successful from their teenage years and I wanted that bond but refused to recognise that my boyfriend was not right for it.

Looking back I wish I had gone to uni single as I would have enjoyed myself more going out and having fun without a clingy controlling boyfriend texting constantly for the first term. I got over it very quickly (pretty much after the hour long train ride to London) but I think that is because I had been unhappy for at least a year before I ended it.

Scribblegirl · 26/06/2017 08:53

I was with a serious boyfriend for three years from 17 - 20. We broke up at the end of my uni second year and I threw myself into academics during final year whilst I was licking my wounds. Graduated, dated a few guys for 6-9 months at a time and met DP (now fiancé) when I was 23 - five years later here we are.

It's lovely to hear of the couples who made it last from their teens upthread, but personally, for me, my teenage relationship and the subsequent painful break up made me who I am. It helped form my ideas about what I wanted and didn't want from life/a partner and made me stronger and more resilient.

I know you want to protect them from everything but sometimes going through something like that is the making of them. My teenage relationship breaking up was one of the most horrid experiences of my life, but I honestly wouldn't have had it any other way looking back

Youvegotafriendinme · 26/06/2017 08:57

Me and DH have been together since we were 17. 13 years later still going strong

chocolateworshipper · 27/06/2017 16:17

DD17 was with a boy for 2 years. She was convinced they would be married one day. He cheated on her and it ended horribly. It has taken a good 3 months for he to recover.

Encourage her to maintain friendships and interests.

Original poster

Teenageromance · 27/06/2017 19:10

^^
That would be the worst way for it to end I would imagine. Dd boyfriend doesn't seem the type he is very devoted. Did you see it coming?

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chocolateworshipper · 27/06/2017 20:04

DIdn't see it coming at all. DH and I both adored him and treated him like part of the family. Sometimes people change for the worse.

Glitterspy · 27/06/2017 20:13

DH and I met at 16...we are now 35 and it's going ok. Don't worry :)

Stopyourhavering · 27/06/2017 20:15

My first bf emigrated when I was 17, then didn't have another bf till first term at uni, 35 yrs later and we're celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary in September

JustHereForThePooStories · 27/06/2017 20:24

I am so grateful for my teenage break-ups. My parents didn't get involved, but gave me a soft place to land. It was good practice for adulthood and dealing with relationships- romantic/friendships/etc.

(That said, I met DH when I was 19. All happy 16 years later)

Original poster

Teenageromance · 27/06/2017 21:13

Chocolate worshipper - how horrible for you all. I suppose it's good she found out now though. It's hard when you have nowhere to put that resentment towards him. Hopefully your dd will be like some of the others on here who met someone better fairly soon.

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Original poster

Teenageromance · 27/06/2017 21:15

Glitterspy - do you think it is good to place any restrictions on them at 16? At the moment they want to see each other every day. I'm wondering how you cope at that age when the first flushes of excitement fade. Do you have the maturity to see what's needed for the long haul.

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chelseapritch · 27/06/2017 21:22

I have been with my DH 5 yeats, we met when I was 15. And I plan to spend the rest of my life with him, not all teenage relationships end in heartache. Hope you DD is very happy

tigerdriverII · 27/06/2017 21:28

Ooh interesting thread.

DS has his first GF. He's 15, she's 16, has done her GCSEs so moving into a different phase.

They spend loads of time together and it's difficult to know how hands off to be and agree that restrictions on how often to see each other are hard to manage. She's a lovely girl but I don't want DS to lose touch with other friends.

Thegiantofillinois · 27/06/2017 21:32

Just hope that any break ups don't take place around gcse or a levels.

I knew my bf at 16 wouldn't last-mainly because my mum had told me not to settle for the first one (like she did at 19) and because I wanted to go to uni and he wasn't the uni type. He was 4 years older than me (met in the pub), so I'm always slightly fascinated by what it may have. Been like to go out with a fellow teenager.

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