Hello everyone.
My daughter (17 and a half) has had a quite womanly figure from her early teens. This has never seemed to be much of a problem, apart from her being I think a little embarassed by constantly having to ask me to buy her larger bras for a couple of years. She dressed quite normally, not conservative but not revealing either, just about right (I have never given her any advice on dressing until very recently, she seemed to have the right judgment herself). She certainly did not ever come to me with any problems she encountered as a result.
However, in the last 18 months or so she seems to be wearing more and more revealing clothes, especially as now she has a part-time job she has more freedom to buy clothes herself (not that I forced her to wear anything she didnt want to before). She now mostly wears a 32GG or 34G bra (they have been that size for about two years now....they also arent as huge as those sizes might make them sound if you're small like me..with a regular blouse and a decent bra they're barely noticeable) and she is otherwise very slim and toned as she is very active and eats well (I actually feel she spends too much time on fitness as I dont want her to become obsessed with it). In some ways she has the hourglass type figure most women (including myself!) would kill to have, which is good for her in a way but I'm becmoing uncomfortable with how much she seems to be flaunting it. At the beginning of last summer, once she started to have money of her own from a parttime job, she started buying lots of plunge bras, and wearing them with strappy tops and low-cut dresses which really puts her boobs right in your face which makes me and my husband really very uncomfortable a lot of the time, especially when other people are around. She even seems to have changed the clothes she wears to school to better show off her figure (the school has a uniform and dress code but it is not really that restrictive), so I am sure this is intentional what she is doing. She is a very pretty girl and should not need to dress in such a way to get male attention (if thats what she is doing, I dont know, it may be a competitive thing with other girls).
It is very difficult for me to argue with her because I know on one level she is right. She is adamant that its unfair that she should be not allowed to wear strappy tops or bikinis just because she has big boobs, and that she is not a "slut" just because she has big boobs. And she is completely right of course! The things she is wearing would be completely non-issue on a girl with smaller boobs. And I accept that she's proud of being very in shape. But still, this is the world we live in! Whether she likes it or not, she IS going to be thought of as "easy" or "asking for it" or whatever such stupid thing. But how can I say that without saying that she can't wear the same things as other girls just because she was unlucky or lucky enough to develop a big bust? Or perpetuating the stereotypes. One of the times I've brought it up, once was a huge fight, in which she said I was just "jealous" (I am not very voluptuous at all and never have been). I have absolutely no idea how I can bring it up again without it being an even bigger fight.
She has had one boyfriend (a nice lad who we got on with well and approved of) for about two years before they broke up, for reasons she has not explained that much about (it does not seem to have been the result of a falling out). As far as I remember the change in the way she dresses seems to have started around the same time (about 18 months ago) so I think it may be a confidence issue related to the end of that relationship? She certainly seems to still have a very active social life going by the constant use of her phone and her being constantly out. I do know from an accidental off-hand comment from a neighbour that on one occasion about six months ago she apparently had a boy over to our house when myself and my husband were away for the weekend (she does not know I know this), but she seems to be single at the moment, for what that's worth nowadays.
It makes me constantly anxious when she goes out with her friends dressed in the way she does (they say they're going to each others houses for sleepovers and such things but they could be anywhere). I also dont know what she's sharing on social media, and don't know how to bring that up as I do not really use it myself. That is a whole other thing. She has never mentioned any harassment either online or offline to me, and we have a relatively communicative relationship (I think).
She is also doing very well academically, so I am hesitant to make a big deal out of it for fear of disrupting that (or simply coming across as just cruel considering she is working very hard).
And yes, my mother told me off for what I wore when I was a teenager too. I know I know I know.
Finally, at the end of everything is the fact that she's 17, so almost an adult and old enough to go off herself wherever she likes, and free to not listen to anything I say. But that also makes me feel like I'm running out of time to let her be aware of the real world before she goes off into it by herself. And I feel just physically sick when I think of the perverts lurking out there. I do not want her playing with fire.
Thanks for reading if you made it all the way!