H & M nearly killed my daughter

[motherofteen1]

When my daughter was suffering from an eating disorder, she got desperately thin. At under 6 stone, and looking gaunt and close to hospitalisation, we went to H & M to buy some jeans, and found that the size 6 were snug. She then decided that she needed to lose more weight as she wanted to be a size 6. On closer inspection H&M SIZE 6 ADULT = GIRLS AGE 8/9. (The corresponding XS mens = 13/14 boys). H & M is a full size smaller than other high street brands such as Top Shop and Zara. What is this doing to our already fragile daughters? I have written to H & M, including to their head office director, and so far they are not agreeing to change their size charts. Anorexia is the biggest mental health cause of death - What can we do to change H & Ms sizing policy? (of course it is cheaper to make smaller sized clothing). Any advice, post sharing, PR ideas please.

I read somewhere that the issue with H&M sizing is that it's based on the Swedish standard, being Swedish as it is, rather the the UK standard.

Personally I just think it's because they're cheap, low quality clothes.

Why the hell do our clothes have to have (seemingly random) sizes, as opposed to being like men's trousers,

Fashion plays a high part in sizing

Look at trousers - really long legs when huge heels were in fashion

Tops - fashion for baggy or tight fitting crop tops

Baggy jeans or tight fitted ones

All the same size label - differnt fit

They haven't made it worse. If it hadn't been H&M it would have been something else.

You're focusing on the wrong thing. It's understandable that you are, but you are focusing on the wrong thing.

Of course - as I said earlier, H & M do not cause an eating disorder, but can make it worse

Lots of things can make it worse.

unfortunately, there is no standard for women's clothing across all the various shops, so I don't think H and M can be blamed either. What teenagers see on the Internet will have a big influence also.

Glad to hear your daughter is doing well now.

You say in your title "H&M nearly killed my daughter"

If that isn't blaming them, what is it?

I think Elphaba has got it right, encourage your kids to assess what actually fits, rather than assuming it's their 'size' so it must fit. My 12 year old has clothes in her wardrobe ranging from age 8 to age 14, they all fit and she doesn't care what age the label depicts.

ifeelcrap I must admit, when I saw the title I assumed OPs daughter had almost been squashed by a falling clothes rack or something. ..

Me too metal

We had the same experience OP.
My daughter was 5 stone 9 at 5 ft 10 tall, and very unwell with anorexia
When she started to recover, went shopping and popped into H+M. She tried on some trousers that were 'a huge size' (her words..she was probably just under 7 stone at this stage) and they were too small. It nearly set her back very badly. That's 5 years ago and I don't think she has been in there since!

I do think clothes sizes are very random anyway but I find H+M particularly bad.

I hope your daughter is doing well. It took my DD1 a long time to recover, and to be honest she will always have a poor relationship with her body and with food now, but she is well, a reasonable weight and a fully functioning doctor herself now:)

While I understand how devastating and dangerous eating disorders can be and am more than irked by stupid fashion sizing, the title of your OP is really rather over blown.

I'm glad you read that your DD is doing better and seems to be in remission.
Campaigning for a sensible depiction of what is a desirable adolescent (female) shape in fashion is a well-worthwhile campaign, but by no definition did H+M 'nearly kill' your DD or anybody else's (that I know of).

Write to their headquarters, publish the issue of unrealistic sizing and depiction of what normal, healthy women's shapes look like, but you'll achieve more if you tone down the hyperbole IME.

Fwiw, in my wardrobe there are items from a size 10 to a 16 depending on cut and shop .

I think they just have very variable sizing. My bmi is 23 and I wear size 6 H&M trousers

H&M can't make an eating disorder worse, no shop can. That's the nature of mental illness - it gets worse without professional support. Direct your understandable rage where it belongs - to the government who really should take young people's mental health seriously.

I guessed what this post might be about from the title. I am sorry you're hurting and what's happened to your daughter. It must be terrifying and feel so out of control.

I am a sufferer of bulimia and have had partners with drug addictions. I would liken my experience of ED to addiction, in the sense that it is all-consuming, the habit itself is somehow fulfilling, the world shrinks to the pattern of binge/purge, the number on the scale or on the clothes label, in the same way that an addict's world shrinks to the dealer's car and their paraphernalia.

I know not everyone subscribes to the 12 step model of addiction, but I believe some of it holds truth, especially the part that says "you didn't cause it, you cannot cure it and cannot control it". I think this is true of ED. ED seems to build codependency like drug addiction.

I never let anyone else into my ED or told them (it just didn't happen that way for me), but I have known anorexics. There is always a circus around them, understandably, to try to save their lives. Parents and boyfriends cutting labels out of clothes or otherwise trying to cotton-wool the ill person so that they won't get any worse, the same way that the wife of an alcoholic might tip drink down the sink.

I think I might understand your motivation here, to want to do something. But I feel you might be blaming H&M because you want to strike out at something, because the illness is hidden inside your beloved daughter and you can't lash out at her to get to it.

Maybe some family therapy would be of help if you are able to access such a thing privately.

Bless your DD. The sizing is ridiculous!

DS is ASD so we have to get the stretchy trousers for school as he cant do up buttons. He is quite literally a skinny little thing with his ribs showing (he eats lots but is highly active). After the usual shop we go to has stopped buying them in, DM helpfully picked him some trousers up from Debenhams the other day. Age 8 and they'd didnt fit!! thankfully it didn't really connect with DS but I couldn't help wondering how a young girls self esteem would plummet if she couldn't fasten the button and did make the connection. If my skinny little son couldn't fit in his age range what chance do others have?

H + M are way too long for my very short legs and the waists way too tight for my arse, so I don't shop there. I'm a size 10-12 but not the right shape. What h and m do wrong is assume we are all shaped like a bamboo cane

H&m have nothing to do with your daughter eating disorder! It sounds like you are desperate to find something to blame and have hooked onto this.

Their sizes are crap, I'm a uk8 and sometimes their size 6 is too big or size 12 too small. Everyone knows this. But a actually agree with PP other store have vanity sizes and a current 10 is the equivalent of an old size 14.

If my skinny little son couldn't fit in his age range what chance do others have?

I found the opposite so I must try Debenhams. All boys trousers waists are huge, when we find some that fit well, they are so short they are ridiculous. At least you can buy dresses for girls.

I don't know that shop, but I do remember going shopping with my slim twelve-year-old one time and entering a teen shop where all the clothes were too small for her, it was frightening to think of the effect that kind of experience can have on so many vulnerable kids

OP I hope your daughter receives the treatment to help her back to health.

I agree that H&M sizing is inconsistent, but don't agree that they nearly killed your daughter. Anorexia is far more complex than the sizing of H &M clothes.

I have written to H&M customer service in UK, and to their head office several times - they have no current plans to change their sizing

It's very hard going being a teenage girl with the popular shops having ridiculous sizing - regardless of the overdramatic title I agree with the sentiment.

Sizing needs sorting out.

Every section in H&M is sized differently. Modern classics is slightly more generous as it's aimed at an older audience.
Divided red is tiny as it's children/tween aimed.
Divided black is tween into teenager.
I believe they recently offed divided red and it's been a few years since I worked there, but that was definitely how it worked at the time. I have 0 idea why they don't advertise it or at least let people know. Their standard ladies range runs larger than any divided range.

I don't see why you are picking on H&M specifically when Topshop/Miss Selfridge/Missguided are all guilty of exactly the same.

The sizes in and of themselves aren't what matter though. It's the values we're taught to assign to them. I don't think H+M can really be blamed for those societal perceptions. It is annoying though how there's no standardisation of sizing at all.