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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

H & M nearly killed my daughter

104 replies

motherofteen1 · 02/05/2017 18:33

When my daughter was suffering from an eating disorder, she got desperately thin. At under 6 stone, and looking gaunt and close to hospitalisation, we went to H & M to buy some jeans, and found that the size 6 were snug. She then decided that she needed to lose more weight as she wanted to be a size 6. On closer inspection H&M SIZE 6 ADULT = GIRLS AGE 8/9. (The corresponding XS mens = 13/14 boys). H & M is a full size smaller than other high street brands such as Top Shop and Zara. What is this doing to our already fragile daughters? I have written to H & M, including to their head office director, and so far they are not agreeing to change their size charts. Anorexia is the biggest mental health cause of death - What can we do to change H & Ms sizing policy? (of course it is cheaper to make smaller sized clothing). Any advice, post sharing, PR ideas please.

OP posts:
Elphaba99 · 02/05/2017 19:19

I think the thread title is very inflammatory, OP, if not downright libellous.

Also, this isn't just limited to H&M -Topshop sizes are completely bonkers too but TBH this is a wider issue in girls' and women's clothing. Why the hell do our clothes have to have (seemingly random) sizes, as opposed to being like men's trousers, for example? Why can't women's trousers be consistently sized by Waist, Hip and Inside Leg in inches or cms?

I try to drum into my teenage dd to just take 3 sizes into the changing room and buy the one which fits and is comfortable. She still stresses about sizes occasionally but is coming to the conclusion that it's all a complete nonsense. It really is. How can most of us have a range of sizes in our wardrobes with a difference ranging from 6-10? Or 12-18?

I do sympathise greatly as it is ridiculous, but I'm not sure that accusing only one company of "almost killing" your dd is particularly helpful. Just my opinion, of course.

FerretsAreFeminists · 02/05/2017 19:21

I also think M5tothesouthwest has a point.

Gabilan · 02/05/2017 19:23

If society generally didn't pin so much on women's looks then we wouldn't worry so much in these situations. I am lucky that I am confident in my body - thanks mainly I think to cycling and riding. My body is something I value for what it can do, not how it appears or what other people think of it. Thus if I go somewhere like H&M or River Island and find I'm a size 12 or it's huge in some places and a tight squeeze in others, I just shrug and move on.

I think H&M sizing is just a small part of a much larger battle. It may be that it's one you want to fight because actually it's something manageable that you might be able to change. But I think on the whole I'd rather get at the bigger culture and I'd rather try to find ways to instil in women that their appearance is not the most important thing about them. And as Maisy says, those clothes do fit some people and many of those will be healthy.

I'm glad your daughter is recovering well.

sobeyondthehills · 02/05/2017 19:24

I'm sorry for what happened to your daughter, but I think you are picking the wrong battle. Its not just H&M, its all women's clothes shops. I stopped figuring out what size I was, when in the space of half an hour and 4 different stores, I went from a size 10-16.

Biscuitybase · 02/05/2017 19:25

Oh Jesus, a post about a child's eating disorder is actually turning into a stealth boasting thread about adults who wear size 6s being able to fit into age 13-14 clothes...

Women are our own worst enemies.

Creatureofthenight · 02/05/2017 19:28

What makes you think it's a stealth boast? Maybe she's petite.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 02/05/2017 19:29

H&M seriously need to pay attention to their size labelling.

I picked up a pair of skinny dungarees for my 13/14 year old dd in there. I thought they looked about the right size but as she wasn't with me (they were a birthday present) I was fully prepared to bring them back if they didn't fit.

As it happens, they were a bit too tight and I took them back to the shop. They were labelled a UK size 16. She was size 8/10 at the very most at the time.

IheartDodo · 02/05/2017 19:29

It is a bit ridiculous I agree. I used to go there and I was a 10/12 elsewhere but an XL!!

RebelandaStunner · 02/05/2017 19:30

Sorry for your DD Flowers
H and M's sizing has gone completely ridiculous. I am a 10 everywhere, DD is an 8.
We went to H and M a few weeks ago. We spent ages trying stuff on but none of those sizes fit us and neither did the next size up. We bought nothing and won't be wasting our time in there again.

Believeitornot · 02/05/2017 19:31

I've not had a problem with HM sizing but I strongly suspect it's a quality control issue. Ie they chuck out clothes quickly and things aren't checked. Same with other stores.

FerretsAreFeminists · 02/05/2017 19:31

I'm going to assume that post was aimed at me Biscuit as I appear to be the only one who mentioned being a size 6 and wearing kids clothes but no, it wasn't a stealth post. I simply read the OP's claim that H&M's adult size 6 was the same as a kids age 8/9 and was a bit Hmm about that claim because it doesn't match up to me (admittedly small) experience of their clothing.

Gabilan · 02/05/2017 19:32

Oh Jesus, a post about a child's eating disorder is actually turning into a stealth boasting thread about adults who wear size 6s being able to fit into age 13-14 clothes

I read that as a statement of fact. It's only a stealth boast if you think that being a size 6 is something to boast about rather than just a size some people happen to be. OK it would be better if women didn't feel the need to discuss their sizes, but if they are discussing them then saying "I'm a size 6" shouldn't be portrayed as being boastful any more than saying "I'm a size 12".

bibbitybobbityyhat · 02/05/2017 19:33

Also, last year on holiday in Spain we ran out of clean underpants for 12 year old ds. We were in a small town one day, so I went to H&M to buy him some new ones. They didn't have any boys trunks in his size, so I bought him some from the mens range, size small.

Those pants are so incredibly much smaller than the 13-14 year old pants I have since bought him from M&S and Asda. Like inches all round! He soon won't be able to fit in them.

FerretsAreFeminists · 02/05/2017 19:35

However judging from the responses here, it sounds like H&M's sizing does run small normally so perhaps I just ended up with the black sheep of the clothing rack that day.

metalmum15 · 02/05/2017 19:37

H&M must do some bizarre sized clothes, because I'm an 8/10 in most stored, and H&M 8/10 or size small fit me. I can also fit in their girls range 14+ dresses (as long as they flare slightly to accommodate my hips!)

ifeelcraptonight · 02/05/2017 19:40

It's not H&M's fault. Your daughter had an eating disorder.

Sizes are all over the show in lots of different shops, and even in the same shop over different clothes.

This is a displacement activity and I hope it makes you feel better, but you're concentrating on the wrong thing.

DontBeASalmon · 02/05/2017 19:40

It would help if all shops had consistent sizing, but I don't think H&M is more to blame than any other. I find them quite generous for some items, I have H&M clothes from size 8 to 14!
Shops targeting teenagers have smaller clothes, it's not new. New Look sizes are nowhere near as generous as M&S. Don't ever try real designer clothes, your high street 6 is probably a 14 a 16 there! (at least)

Gabilan · 02/05/2017 19:41

I rarely shop in H&M. Cheap things that wash badly and don't last. The cut often doesn't suit me and yes, one thing labelled a 10 can be larger than the same thing in the same colour labelled a 12. They do some nice looking stuff but really, not worth the hassle in my experience.

ifeelcraptonight · 02/05/2017 19:43

Also. Suicide is the highest cause of death amongst young people 20-34 and far higher in young men, and it has a very high MH component so I would respectfully take issue with your statement re anorexia.

Judydreamsofhorses · 02/05/2017 19:48

My understanding is that H&M's clothes comes from loads of different factories, so the sizing varies really widely. Not that I think this is right, but I think people just get to "know" which shops are right for their size and shape. I am a standard Topshop 10, but in Zara I am most likely an L or even XL, whereas in M&S an 8 would be right. With things like jeans I prefer to buy by the waist size and get the leg length altered if need be - places like All Saints and Whistles are great for this as they do an "11".

Original poster
motherofteen1 · 02/05/2017 19:49

Unfortunately, if you look at their website age 8/9 girl size chart states 60cm waist, as does size 6 adult (Top Shop 65cm)

www2.hm.com/en_gb/customer-service/sizeguide/ladies.html

www2.hm.com/en_gb/customer-service/sizeguide/kids.html

OP posts:
ifeelcraptonight · 02/05/2017 19:50

motherofteen1 that's immaterial.

It's not H&M fault that your daughter had an eating disorder.

Original poster
motherofteen1 · 02/05/2017 19:51

Agree re suicide - but these can be by those affected by an eating disorder who then commit suicide - I got these statistics on an anorexia website so can't vouch for them, but know it is a growing issue, affecting ever younger kids (friend's dd age 9 been in hospital for 8 months with eating disorder)

OP posts:
Original poster
motherofteen1 · 02/05/2017 19:52

Of course - as I said earlier, H & M do not cause an eating disorder, but can make it worse

OP posts:
fiftyplustwo · 02/05/2017 19:52

You shouldn't post here, but on their customer service and ask for a reply. Write them a letter. Their headquarters are in Stockholm, the address is readily available on the UK web site under 'contacts'.

That said, there was a time in the 1970's, pre-H&M, when I recall that one should as a young teenager (or just before, aged 11-12) squeeze into the thinnest pair of jeans, of another make (name withheld) preferably lie down when putting them on. I never got those, my parents forbade me and instead I got a pair my mum had sewed for me. That wasn't fun. I recall it even now, forty years later...