Abusive Son

[Runrabbit1]

I don't know what to do anymore... I've done nothing but love him, support him, stick up for him and fight his corner.

He's nearly 14 and he makes my and my 10yr old Son's lives hell. Every single evening when my little boy goes to be he turns on me and every time I move he'll say "stop fmoving" if I speak he'll say "shut the f* up you retard".
We are a decent family who don't swear and he's been brought up well. He does have ADHD and possible autism but I work with those exact children and this behaviour is nothing to do with that, it's intentional.

Here is a 10 min snippet of us this evening wOrd for word..

Showed him the reenactment photos on Facebook.
Picture of 4 kids in a bath and then the adults. It was funny.
I said "I like this one"
T "I bet you do you pedophile"

Walking along the hall, his duvet touched my leg as I was walking behind him..
"What are you doing you f retard, stop touching my duvet"

Me right goodnight
Him don't just say goodnight you piece of shit

He controls every move I make as if I don't stay with him he'll hot things or shout loudly or hit me.
I can't live like this anymore and this is the tip of the iceberg.
He's being seen by various people and comes out the sessions promising to change and it always reverts back.
Anyone in the same boat or any experience or strategies?

I've tried everything from ignoring, shouting, reasoning, empathising, crying!, everything! !

My other son said a few days ago "mummy do you know how hard it is for me to be happy when he is around"... broke my heart

Help please

Have you had family support services involved? If not, I would start with them. Contact your local children's centre or social care and ask about referral to family support.
Is he like this in school also, or just at home? How is he with other adults in the family?

Is his father around? I would draw a line in the sand and if his father lives separately insist he moves out to him. No one should speak to you like that. His behaviour is causing an impact on you and your other son that will leave a lasting imprint if not addressed. Alternatively, I would explore if other family members can 'house' him for a while. I would also speak to school to gain a realistic picture of is behaviour there. If it is different then he deserves to take responsibility for it and if not, ask them to make a referral for help citing that your younger sons emotional well-being is being adversely affected.

I hope things improve soon.