My DS doesn't answer my messaages

[dotnetmum]

My DS gone to university last autumn and when I try to contact him via SMS he never answers me. It is driving me crazy!
Then I try Messenger, email and everything.
No good. He only response once in a while, like 2 months. It is just very annoying!

What can I do about it?

Nothing really. Are you supporting him financially?
If so then I guess you could withhold money until he contacts you but he won't like you for it...
I know its really hard. I email my son and he never answers. Sometimes he phones to ask me for a tenner.

I don't think there's much you can do if he doesn't want to reply. But don't bombard him with messages - send one message then leave it. Choose one method of contact which tells you when the message has been opened/read, so you know that at least he's ok (as in you know he's opening messages). If these are just 'checking-in' messages, decide how often you are going to message (say once a week) and stick to the routine. Then he knows you're there if he needs you.

Or if he answers his phone, just call him instead.

I'd leave him be tbh

Has he been home over the Easter break?

How often are you trying?

my dd doesnt. not through malice. just beause, she doesnt get back to people.
i see if she is live on facebook and then ring.
do you call him op?

I'm not saying you are but be careful not to suffocate him. My mil does this to my husband (he's 29 ) most of the time he doesn't reply because he's busy or quite honestly doesn't want to. She then gets upset and claims he doesn't love her and so on. Way too needy.
I would just text once a week or so and leave it at that.

I think if you follow up a missed text with a Facebook, email and several other things it may be a bit much and feel suffocating...

Does he come home for holidays? Why don't you agree with him which message service you can use or whether he's prefer a call/FaceTime and how often?

I'd find it very bizarre if my mum sent me a million messages when I didn't reply to the first one, unless it was something serious like someone dying..... I probably text or phoned every couple of weeks when I was at Uni but I think if she was getting weird about it it would have been much less!

Just be aware that it might be too much. When you do talk to him, ask him which method he prefers and then stick to that.

Dh has this with mil. They have a quick face time (less than 5 mins) most evenings and if she doesn't hear from him after calling him umpteen times, then calling me, then calling the house phone, then calling his brother or sister she gets in a right tiswas. God forbid if he's in a meeting that runs late.

At uni - and best in mind this was early 90s, no mobile and no outgoing housephone calls til the third year. We had to use a phonebox to make calls in 1st & 2nd years. Anyway, I managed to speak to my mum at least once, if not twice a week, plus she'd come up to visit once a termsnd id usually go home once a term too. I was 120 miles from
Home too. It pretty much seemed the norm then to do that. When my kids go I would want to hear from them on a weekly basis, it's so easy now. DD was away with school for half a term last year and we managed to message a fair bit - again usually twice a week. Maybe it's a girl/mum thing?

I didn't get on with my DM when I was a teenager. I was living in squats and I still manged to phone her from the call box once a week.

My DS calls me once every few months.
It would me nice for him to call more often but I don't really mind.
Its weird how as it gets easier to contact people, the less people bother.

Thing is it is annoying normally, but this time he said he was coming home today, we have a family event on Friday, and I wrote to tell him that I have to be out until late for work, and he should remember to bring his keys etc.
I just want him to confirm that he remembers he needs to come home for the event, well it's a funeral actually. I don't want him to miss it.

If you're paying the phone bill, then stop. We have the Our Pact app on DCs phones so if they don't answer, we turn off their apps; funnily enough they usually text/call within the hour! I appreciate your DC is too old for that

I found that the first year is the one where you don't hear from them so much, I assume it's a 'freedom' thing

DS was reasonably good, would probably call once a week in his first year. When he moved into his shared house in year 2 it was a good 20 min walk from the university, so he got into the habit of ringing me whilst walking back, probably a couple of times a week.

I think he did once get a message consisting of 'remember the person who pays your rent', he rang very quickly .... this was a very lighthearted text and he knew that before anyone comments that I was blackmailing him! 😂😂

We had to call him one Saturday morning as my FIL had died suddenly and we couldn't get hold of him for hours, despite trying every form of contact. Of course being the weekend we assumed he was either sleeping off a hangover and/or hadn't made it home the night before. I felt really bad when he finally called, he'd been in the library all morning and of course his phone was on silent.

I was so mad with him, had all these things ready to say to him, based on all your good suggestions, like respond to the person that pays your rent etc., but he came home last night, hours late, and one of those cheeky smiles, and I just left it! What the heck!

Your thread made me think of this

I would talk to him when you can, nothing too heavy but just a 'please keep in touch to reassure me, I know I'm a worrier' type thing.