DD 16

[Monica53]

Hi there
Still relatively new here, so please bear with me, our DD 16 has suffered from bullying throughout high school and as a consequence suffers badly with anxiety and trust etc, her friends are so unreliable, for example this morning she was ready to go out and I was ready to give her a lift and her friend texted her to say she couldn't go, poor daughter is so upset and I'm so annoyed at the so called friend OMG!,yes I've said possibly something in family etc, though possibly text her friend and state you are ready etc. This is typical day of holidays for our DD due to anxiety/depression she suffers and of course teens don't understand, as one of her so called friends did actually state or depression etc is all made up! REALLY! . Apologies to go on, just would love to know we and Dd is not alone with this. Also she is due to start GCSE's soon , so yes will be revising over the holidays but though she would love to have some chill time, also an old friend who works in a local store stopped me at weekend to say they are taking on weekend workers so we are going to submit her CV and hopefully she will get a few hours, which we hope will help with meeting new people and her confidence. Thank you for reading and any advice,comments would be so appreciated. Regards xx

Didn't want to read and run here. My dd (now 20) has had anxiety for a long time and is now on medication. She is working in quite a stressful customer facing job and applying for a very competitive form of HE. Most of the time she copes well, but when she is bad little things take on a massive significance and she tends to over-analyse everything and everyone around her.

One thing that has helped us is trying to distinguish between what is other people and what is simply the illness.

Yes, a friend saying depression isn't real is definitely the friend being in the wrong and she doesn't have to take shit like that. Sometimes just reaffirming that can make a big difference.

But a friend having to cancel plans is the kind of thing that just happens: if the illness means it throws her, then the thing you need to discuss is how she can find ways of handling the illness, rather than spending too much time upset by the friend.

I find most of the time what is needed by me is to be a sounding board. And for that, I need to stay very calm and not get too involved.

Also, I have been able to help by encouraging her to do as much independently as possible. If she is ready to hold down a job, she is also ready to apply for it herself. Be there to talk her through it in advance rather than do it for her would be my advice.

Hi
Thanks for replying - yes I've listened and also given ideas of things,however today she informed me no one ever answers he'd messages and also at school she spends all her time in teaching room as so called friends ignore he'd and she has tried to get involved znd one said to f * really. So we have had heated words today which makes me sad and feel useless and she said she might as well walk of a cliff as no one cares. X

really sorry to have ignored this, OP; have been away for this week

hope your dd is feeling a little better

Sounds like DD needs some more compassionate friends but I guess meeting them is tricky for her. Do school have a student support centre? Sometimes they can engineer and support new friendships for more isolated pupils.