Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Mixed sleepovers at 16?

26 replies

MrsBartlet · 03/04/2017 19:27

Is it the norm for 16 year olds to have mixed sleepovers? I am being told by dd and ds that dh and I are completely out of touch as we don't feel comfortable with this. Ds (16) has been invited to a sleepover at a friend's house tomorrow (female friend) along with one other girl and also one of his male friends. Apparently the parents will be there and everyone else is fine with this and they will all be sleeping in the same room. Ds goes to a boys school so we don't know the girls at all. One of his other school friends has cried off as he says he is revising (GCSEs very soon) and he can't get there. I think he has been told he is not allowed to go.

Dh and I think we are fairly liberal. We get that young people have sex lives and dd (19) sleeps in the spare room in the double bed with her boyfriend when he comes to stay. I am prepared to be told I am being unreasonable about this, so please tell me if I am!

OP posts:
Floofborksnootandboop · 03/04/2017 21:56

After leaving school it does seem the norm around here, i don't really know though as my experience could be a lot different than others.

SailAwaySailAwaySailAway · 03/04/2017 21:57

Normal here though only in larger groups.

SheepyFun · 03/04/2017 22:00

Normal when I was a teenager (a while ago!) during 6th form, though in larger groups. DH remains shocked by this (and in pretty much all other respects I had a very very sheltered upbringing!). Nothing ever happened at them, other than managing to deflate the bouncy castle we were all sleeping on on one occasion....

Reow · 03/04/2017 22:06

Most people lost their virginity at house parties in my day.

More civilised than a car park or churchyard like some teenagers did. Teenagers will find a way Wink

I think it's fine. They're legally old enough to get married.

LoveBeingAMum555 · 03/04/2017 22:20

Normal here, sometimes with under 16s too. DS has been to several mixed sleepovers in barns converted into party venues, tents, living room floors and more unusually someone's bedroom. I am very aware that my teenage boys mix more with girls and have friendships with girls far more than we did at that age so to them its fine. DS2 also points out that no-one he knows would be confident enough at 16 to have sex with someone else sleeping next to him in a tent and if he wants to have sex with a girl there are plenty of opportunities to do it!

That said I would want there to be parents around somewhere and be aware that these sleepovers in bigger groups can involve alcohol - the parents may not realise this, kids are crafty. I insist on dropping DS off where he is staying and say hi to the parents if I can. He knows he can always ring me if there is a problem or he changes his mind.

MaisyPops · 03/04/2017 22:25

Normal to me if its group situations. Fairly standard. Wouldnt worry about anything really. If he wants a get out then you can always get him to send a sneeku text and then yoi call him claiming theres 'an emergency' and you have to collect him. Gives him a way out whilst saving face.

I wouldnt expect it 1-1 though unless theyre in 6th form+ but maybe thats just me.I couldnt have thought of anything more mortifying at 16 than staying in a room together in my parents house them working out we might have had sex. Obviously where theres a will theres away but id have just felt like my parents 'knew' and that would make it weird.

TheElephantofSurprise · 03/04/2017 22:52

Good grief. I'm glad I don't have to parent teenagers in today's world. It would not be acceptable to me. Not at all. As my grandmother would have said, it is asking for trouble.

Mum2jenny · 03/04/2017 22:56

Pretty normal in a group situation imo

Original poster
MrsBartlet · 04/04/2017 06:31

Thanks all. I think I would be questioning it less if it was a larger group. Somehow seems strange when there are just 4 of them and I can't quite put my finger on why.

OP posts:
errorofjudgement · 04/04/2017 06:53

DD is (just) 16 and has been to a couple of house parties where she's stayed over. Not quite the same thing but even so I have grilled her questioned the sleeping arrangements and the whereabouts of parents before agreeing she could go.
As with many things, I believe it's a question of gradually giving more freedoms as they can cope with it. I know there is alcohol at these parties, and we let DD take a small amount with her. Given that, I don't want her to be in a more vulnerable situation with mixed sleepovers too.
Over the next 12 months I expect that will change and DD will be making the decisions on what she does, but at the moment it's still a fairly new experience for her, and the compromises are working out fairly well (I hope 😄)

Iamastonished · 04/04/2017 07:27

It is normal here. They all slot in the same room where there was no privacy so no-one got up to anything. Anyway, why would you do this on a school night?

vixsatis · 04/04/2017 07:36

We have one of these next week. Girls will be sleeping in guest annex in the garden; boys on top floor of the house; we will be in between……

There will be alcohol and I want the other kids' parents (especially of the girls) to be able to be comfortable

Violetcharlotte · 04/04/2017 07:44

Yes this is normal (2 DS 17 and nearly 16). They both go to mixed sleepovers, everyone on the lounge floor, in a tent, etc. I did the same when I was there age.

Iamastonished · 04/04/2017 07:55

Blooming auto-correct. Should be slept not slot.

StereophonicallyChallenged · 04/04/2017 08:07

DD has mixed sleepovers here, usually when I am away for the night too! I know the parents though, we all live very close and the kids (16/17) are all old primary school friends Smile

I think they will find ways round doing what they want to do anyway. Weather that be drinking or sex, hopefully by allowing a certain amount of freedom and choice, alongside discussion, DD will make good decisions.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/04/2017 08:08

Normal here.

SherlocksDeerstalker · 04/04/2017 08:14

Men, not Mrs. Preview fail... Blush

todayshey · 04/04/2017 08:14

Normal in large groups. Weird in a group of 4!?

NiktheGreek · 04/04/2017 08:20

DS had a mixed sleep over last night, that have them regularly, never a problem they are all in the same room so no privacy anyway for any shenanigans. And to a pp who mentioned school nights I imagine it's school holidays, it is here .

Iamastonished · 04/04/2017 08:28

Schools round here break up on Friday.

VioletPeggs · 04/04/2017 08:55

Just 4 would be weird , as its usually about 20, but mixed sleepovers are the thing now.

With just four, I'm betting that the girl's parents are away and it's his gf and the other two are going out together too?

NotTheBelleoftheBall · 04/04/2017 12:22

In my head...

Big group = party
Four = double date

Original poster
MrsBartlet · 04/04/2017 15:21

First week of Easter holidays here so not a school night!

I don't think I would be so bothered if it was a party and a large group. I did the same all the time when I was a sixth former (back in the late eighties.) Just the four of them seems a bit too intimate and yes, double-date like NotTheBelle!

OP posts:
BlueChairs · 05/04/2017 02:48

When I was in 6th form it was normal but we did discover that one mixed group of friends had actually been having orgies at their sleepovers ... is

mrswoody100 · 05/04/2017 14:38

My son (Nearly 17)regularly stays at his girlfriends and vice versa