Teen drinking

[zoena78]

Hi, Our nearly 15 year old daughter had 2 friends to sleep over on sat night (she has a converted summer house in our back garden its all concealed etc, safe) anywhoo, i had a message from a mate saying that our daughter was snap chatting pics of what looked like malibu and coke. We were in bed at 10 and our daughter is a good kid, doesnt ever get into trouble etc we are very open with her about this type of stuff etc.. I found this out last night, so had to wait for my other half (her dad) to come home as he works nights so we could discuss it. There is half a bottle of cheapy lidls own malibu gone from our outhouse (its been there since xmas, i only buy it at xmas for some odd reason!). We are going to discuss this with her when she comes home, have punishment lined up etc (going to tell her i am massively disappointed in her as well) anyway, my post is because i have no idea whether i am supposed to inform these two girls parents? i dont know if they actually drank anything (Although would assume they did) What do i say if i should tell them? both girls have been friends with our daughter for quite a while. she is our oldest so this is all new to me!

1/2 a bottle of malibu between 3 of them? Not really drank much at all then have they...

I would be more annoyed at the stealing than the drinking but this is fairly standard teen behaviour so don't go nuclear or you will push her away.

Oh and I wouldn't bother telling the other girls parents, but warn her if she does it again then you will have to. That should be more than enough incentive to not get caught do it again!

oh dont worry the emphasis is going to be on the stealing (hence the disappointment etc..) i totally understand its norms of teenagerdom lol its just the whole other kids parents thing im stressy over do i tell them??

The drinking wouldn't bother me much, but like hairspray said I would be annoyed that she hadn't been upfront about it. DS is 16 and has a taste for Baileys, Peroni and Carling cider - I let him have the occasional drink and have let him have wine with his dinner since he was little, I would rather it isn't seen as a forbidden thing as it becomes more attractive. As it is, he drinks only once in a blue moon and refuses it more than requests it.

lol i think that is a good way to broach it! i dont know how she thought i would not find out, thats the best of it!

I have been quite open and told her that i get kids experiment but i would rather she was at home etc (infact we had this chat only a few weeks ago!).. and at xmas etc she has a little glass of something or other, i think thats why im peeved as i thought i had handled / pre empted the situation pretty well up to now lol!

I wouldn't tell the other girls parents. I think this is very normal teen behaviour. I'd go for a bit of 'shock and awe' blocking of my own DD and warn her that next time you will be speaking to all parents, banning sleepovers permanently etc. I'd put £50 on her doing it again though, but this time without advertising it on snap chat!

Got to love teenagers - they are so rubbish at not getting found out.

Blocking?! Bollocking obvs.

having to wait to discuss it has also taught me a very valuable parenting lesson, as if i had broached it last night it would not have gone well, having to hold out as firstly calmed me down and secondly given me chance to google how to handle it ! thanks guys :)

15-17 year olds sometimes drink at their friends houses, I would hope that most parents would be reasonable enough to get that as their kids get older they won't know every single thing about them.

If you are close with your daughters friends you could mention that you know, but you won't tell their parents unless you catch them stealing from you again, excellent punishment for DD and will put fear of God into the friends. That is what my Mum did and it worked well for me!

four, when i think about what i was getting up to at nearly 15 this is very mediocre behaviour lol, however my mother was useless so i had no guidance and free reign etc.. my plan is to tell her 14 years of trust has gone and ask her how she feels about that, then tell her the consequences (no phone for a week and grounded for a week, totally for the stealing and i will emphasize that) do people think thats a fair consequence (and obviously tell her if it happens again i will be telling the friends parents etc..)

i do know them well, so that is a good idea hairspray!

I think the punishment is a bit harsh if she's generally a good kid.

A bollocking about stealing should do it. And replace the drink out of her own money.

you must have read my mind big, as we have had "the rollocking chat" and she can keep her phone, however she has to replace the bottle (she wasnt too pleased with that as it was half full lol! oh well suck it up buttercup and all that!).. she was very apologetic (i had prepared a lesser consequence dependant on how she took the news!) we have discussed it all and she got a good bollocking about stealing and now the lack of trust and all that jazz, Crikey i thought babies were hard work, no one prepares you for this stuff do they lol! thanks for the help everyone :)

Good result . These are tricky years. helps at times!