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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Skipping meals

20 replies

BumDNC · 02/02/2017 19:12

My DD almost thirteen has been skipping lunch at school and it's driving me crazy.
She comes to meet me after school for a lift home every day and asks for food/money, when I question her she has a terrible stomach ache and skipped lunch and just ate other people's leftovers!

At home she eats breakfast and all her dinner, snacks if she's hungry so it's not an eating disorder level but from breakfast to dinner she hardly eats much, what she would eat would just be things like crisps at school Angry

I put money on the dinner card and my house has PLENTY of food at home usually, that she is welcome to take. I have made things she just leaves in her bag and forgets

IMO she looks peaky and took ages to get over a recent cold. I'm fuming that she takes food from others, can't be bothered to walk to the canteen or get food from home and gets to the stage of agonising stomach cramps/acid indigestion from being starving. She's not poor or neglected but if school saw this they may think she has no money or access to food!

Tonight I gave her a huge lecture about looking after your body, the harm it could cause (headaches dizzy spells, fainting, long term issues) and told her categorically that she would eat something of substance at lunch either from home or the canteen.

I'm not sure she's listening. She's eaten her dinner but why be so lazy you would rather risk having a horrible stomach ache than walk a few yards to buy bloody food?! Why am I so mad about this?'

OP posts:
mumontherun14 · 02/02/2017 23:19

Have you asked her what's going on and why she isn't eating lunch? Might be some reason behind it? Xxx

Original poster
BumDNC · 02/02/2017 23:25

She says she can't be bothered to go buy any food or make food from home. It seems a genuine excuse although a terrible one

OP posts:
Lifeisshort123 · 03/02/2017 22:23

Could you pack her a packet lunch to take, some sort of snack for breaktime?

specialsubject · 04/02/2017 16:11

You are justifiably cross because if this isn't self harm, it is abuse of health due to being idle. And idle is a good reason to get cross.

misshelena · 05/02/2017 07:41

If this is a new habit, then something happened and she made a decision to not eat in school. 13 is a rough age. Of the top of my head, some possible reasons:

  • she is ashamed of the type of food she brings from home
  • she won't get up and go to the canteen because she doesn't want to lose her seat at the table.
  • someone said something about the way she chews her food or the order in which she eats her food, and now she won't eat anything in public (I know a teen this happened to -- order of eating his food)
  • she is self conscious about her weight
  • a girl she admires also doesn't eat in public
Lilaclily · 05/02/2017 07:43

Could you spend today making a plan with her of what she'd like to eat , it's Sunday so you could make pasta together etc , help her out rather than chastising , she's 12 still, not a teenager yet

mumontherun14 · 05/02/2017 09:09

13 is a really awkward age. I've got a son the same age just started high school and he eats exactly the same thing (hot dog) pretty much 5 days a week as he goes with friends into the town to the same shop. I don't make a big deal of it. It's hard enough settling into high school and I don't want him not to be able to join his group of friends if he had to stay at school and have a pack lunch. I make sure he has a good breakfast, his card is loaded so he can get a healthy snack at break then he is always ravenous after school so I make him French toast or something else then. I would try and have a really good talk with her and see what's going on at lunchtime -it might be something socially with her friends or as other posters have said she is feeling self conscious about something xxx

Original poster
BumDNC · 05/02/2017 09:14

It's her being lazy. But because they don't go straight home after school there is the gap between school ending and is getting home and at that point all they want to do is eat. She's too lazy to make a pack up either so on Friday I gave her extra food for after school and she ate that

I will continue to nag about eating at the right time!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 05/02/2017 09:23

Can't she make a packed lunch the night before and take that?

daydreamnation · 05/02/2017 09:29

My two are 15 & 11 and I still make them sandwiches/rolls etc to take to school. I just do it when I'm doing mine, takes minutes and I feel better knowing that whatever other rubbish they choose to buy and eat during the day, they have something decent too. I don't do lunchboxes, just a pile each in the kitchen, with a muesli bar, crackers or similar and sandwich. It all seems to get eaten!

t875 · 06/02/2017 13:11

Do you see her eat her dinner OP? X
Just saying as my daughter was saying she was eating her tea and then not or putting the very bare minimum in her toasty I was at work so I had to trust she was eating her tea but the bottom line ( 14) she wasn't.
Make sure also she's not looking at any eating d websites
Dd unfortunately is having CBT for unhealthy attitude towards eating. She is doing loads better
But she had anxiety and low mood round all this.
Doesn't sound like your dd is the same but just wanted to give you a heads up x

SecondsLeft · 06/02/2017 13:23

I think maybe she needs you/her Dad to make her an easy to eat convenient packed lunch for a short while, just so she doesn't get in the habit of this. Lots of kids don't eat a good lunch at secondary, so she might be mimicking others/not finding time (canteen queues can be rough). Kids need different things from us, and a bit of care shown over this could really help her (to feel loved and cared for, as well as fed).

TheEdgeofSeventeen · 07/02/2017 21:34

I didn't eat Lunch for 5 years - never once in HS did I eat lunch. My mum made me packed lunches and I threw them away every day, if I didn't shed scream at me for not eating because she panicked. And honestly sometimes it was because there was nowhere to eat - the tables were all full and I didn't want to eat stood up ( check the school lunch availability of rooms and the year areas ( ours had no seats and we weren't allowed in the canteen unless buying food). Sometimes its a bit of embarrassment because your friends aren't eating ( some weird idea about eating being something you shouldn't do alone) but often times I just wasn't hungry because I wanted to be hanging out with my friends and people ( You only get an hour free with them out of lessons) and I just didn't care.
Its weird when I think back on it but none of my friends ate lunch ... do now though !

TheEdgeofSeventeen · 07/02/2017 21:36

I do agree with t875 though - click on her search bar and type myp and if MyProAna is suggested then DANGER. That is if she deletes her history.

friendlyflicka · 07/02/2017 21:38

Mine doesn't eat lunch - same age.

Now I just give her some snacks - chocolate rice cakes and some fruit etc, and she does eat that.

She eats breakfast and eats healthily at home - i think it is social/peer group/confidence thing. Gets worse as term goes on and she is tired as well

AtleastitsnotMonday · 07/02/2017 22:32

What does she eat for breakfast?
Does she eat lunch at home at weekends/holidays? If so what?
Do you know any of her friends parents? If so are they finding the same with their dc?

seventhgonickname · 08/02/2017 00:35

Same here 13 DD,make her a packed lunch but left for work after her the other day and saw it had been left in her bedroom.It wasn't there when I got home.I think she eats her lunch when she gets home then says she is not hungry at evening meal.Also often skips breakfast.Not worrying too much as she non stop eats at weekends.She can't give me a reason for not eating apart from wasn't hungry/not time.
All you can do is be aware and keep communication going.13 is tough for them and us.

Original poster
BumDNC · 08/02/2017 08:57

I can't see any other eating issues, she never misses breakfast or dinner, just lunch at school. Not on weekends either she eats 3 meals a day with snacks.
I think it might be peers and lack of seating. This week has been better - I think she learnt her lesson from feeling ill.
I've been taking her to the shop and choosing snacks she likes and making sure she at least takes one or 2 items to school a day and told her to at least buy something to eat from the canteen and put it in her bag for later

Thanks all!

OP posts:
SpongebobRoundPants · 08/02/2017 09:29

I wouldn't worry too much. I never used to eat lunch at school because I was too busy gossiping all lunchtime! If she starts to skip meals at home or lose weight, then I would start to worry.

t875 · 08/02/2017 20:10

Doesn't sound like there's a problem atall maybe a can't be bothered to que or just bored or too busy. Keep a back ground eye though. Check her history on her laptop though for the above website. Just keep an eye as the months go on x

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