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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DS14 invited on weeklong holiday with his gf's family

20 replies

Tex111 · 31/01/2017 12:13

DS14 has had a gf for about 4 months. She's a lovely girl. DS has been invited on a weeklong caravan holiday with the family. I am very uncomfortable with this. We had an issue over the holidays when DS lied to us and tried to sleepover at gf's house, in the same bed, with her mum's permission. I'm concerned about boundaries over the holiday and gf's family seem to operate very differently to ours.

I'm also worried about sending DS off with people we don't know at all. Apart from school trips he has never spent more than a night away, not even with grandparents. I'm worried about putting him into a situation he is unable to handle. I have no idea about the drinking habits of the family or anything like that. DS is also extremely private and I can't imagine him being happy showering, etc in a caravan.

What are your thoughts? My gut says no and DH agrees but I'm willing to seek other opinions in case we're being too protective (DS's argument). Thank you.

OP posts:

BigSandyBalls2015 · 31/01/2017 12:16

Nope too young and too early on in the relationship.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 31/01/2017 12:17

I'd be hesitant about this with mine and they're almost 16

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 31/01/2017 12:18

No no no no no no and finally, no fucking way.

Seriously, just no!

hoddtastic · 31/01/2017 12:24

What the FUCK? I am liberal but mother of god.

What a cool mum! 😳

I wouldn't feel confident that she takes appropriate care of her own kid- there's no chance she'd be taking care of mine.

Original poster

Tex111 · 31/01/2017 12:52

Whew! Thanks for the feedback. Yes, I have definitely questioned some of this mum's choices with her own kids but I know I can be overprotective at times. Glad to hear the mumsnet hive mind agrees with me on this one.

OP posts:

clumsyduck · 31/01/2017 13:05

Another no way !!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 31/01/2017 14:06

It's incredibly difficult when your DCs start hanging around with friends whose parents have such different views to your own. We're experiencing this with drinking, going off miles to parties (unknown host), coming back in trains/cabs in the middle of the night when we thought a parent was picking up .... it goes on and on.

It really is an eye opener to see what other parents view as ok. These are lovely parents as well, just very different relaxed views. I'm not against drinking and parties by an means, want them to have fun, but at 15 it's a few ciders or a couple of bottles of beer (not a bottle of vodka!), and it needs to be clear where the party is, who is going, how they are getting home etc etc.

And obv to a teen the more lax parents seem fabulous and cool, we seem like dinosaurs.

howtocope · 31/01/2017 16:58

So true, Big Sandy. DS seems to be attracted to kids with this type of 'cool' parent. It's a constant battle.

Now I've had a text from the mum about the holiday saying the kids will sleep separately and that she will provide limits and boundaries. It sounds like DS has been coaching her which is more worrying than comforting.

thethoughtfox · 31/01/2017 17:53

NOOOOOO!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 31/01/2017 18:31

Would still be a no, 14 is very young for all this.

WankersHacksandThieves · 31/01/2017 19:00

Nope from me too. I have 16 and 15 year old boys (no girlfriends yet) and I can't see me thinking this is a good idea. What if the fall out while they are away and he has to deal with his first heartbreak while in the middle of his GF's family?

and that's aside from the potential lack of supervision. I know that teens will find an opportunity to sleep together if they are minded to, I just don't think that at 14 parents should be facilitating it or making life too easy....and then add on potential alcohol etc etc.

I think they are too young for this type of arrangement.

howtocope · 31/01/2017 19:26

I've had some very open discussions with DS about sex, using condoms, etc and have put a box of condoms in his bathroom. I explained that it would be best to wait until he's older, talked about the law, consent and anything else I thought was important. He has the info but at 14 I'm not sure he has the confidence to proceed with responsibility so I definitely don't want to provide opportunities for him to find out.

DH and I are talking about a compromise of taking DS down so he can spend a day with them on hols. Keeping this idea to ourselves right now for future negotiations.

mumblecrumble · 31/01/2017 20:12

I'd go with your gut. Only because of him perhaps finding himself uncomfortable being with people he doesn't know. Is it close enough that he could go be with them during the day and few days?

When I was 15 I was in your son's girlfriend's situation. My parents were happy for me to have my boyfriend over and when I was nearly 16 he stayed over till we split up at uni. His parents didn't let me stay over and I respected that. We were both very committed Christians and his parents felt that meant no sleeping in same bed...anyway... My family felt that they would prefer us be under their roof than sneaking around. In hind sight it was a very healthy teenage relationship and we were together a long time.

But I think 14 is much much younger than we were. I also think you rock for talking to him about it rather than shouting and banning him etc.

ChasingMars · 03/02/2017 23:56

I let my 15 year DD go away with her boyfriend's family last Sumner camping for 10 days.

Two days in she wanted to come home as she was just so homesick and found being with a family 24/7 who did things differently to us just to keep much. I had to drive and pick her up. From Devon. We live in Yorkshire.

I wish I had said no I'm the first place as I did have reservations, and I think you need to be string and say no.

ChasingMars · 03/02/2017 23:57

Sorry for typos! Blooming phone!

howtocope · 04/02/2017 00:05

Update: Just learned today that the holiday is during term time and the other children are being taken out of school to go. I said absolutely not. I had reservations anyway but missing a week of school was the deal breaker.

ChasingMars · 04/02/2017 00:17

Well in a way that's a blessing as now you have an ideal get out

specialsubject · 04/02/2017 10:00

So she's happy for her underage daughter to be shagging and there is a week off school to do it?

Might be worth having the 'I wasn't born yesterday ' talk with your son.

taptonaria27 · 04/02/2017 10:04

He's 14 you're not being over protective, if he were 17 maybe it would be but he's way too young to be staying over with a gf

misshelena · 04/02/2017 14:14

OP- sounds like you and DH are the only "parents" here. Gf's parents don't care about school, want dd14 to have sex and think a 4 months old relationship is ready for a week long sleepover! I would keep up the condom talk at regular intervals because I doubt the gf's mom cares much about safe sex...

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