Dealing with incontinence at this age

[Lisa1964]

Hey all, my first post here,
I have two kids, son and elder daughter and my daughter has had several medical complications at birth and eventually after several surgeries she was fine but she has had bladder and bowel incontinence since then. Options like colostomy's and other surgical options are out of the table because of stone of the problems. So unfortunately she has had to deal with this with diapers 24/7.
As she got older it became harder because her incontinence got more and more. Her bowel movements are much more frequent than a normal persons. 4 or more a day and two in the night while she sleeps which she doesn't wake up for. For that she has her morning clean up routine. But every other time the accidents are unpredictable. We have tried every tactic to deal with this but it seems to be just going on it's own.
Now she's 18 and in college and she has to resort to very thick adult disperse for her heavy incontinence. Even her urinary incontinence is heavy.
I'm just worried that she won't connect with people normally in the future. I understand in school especially middle and high school can be tough when your different. But aren't people more mature and understanding in the real world? I think she thinks she is an outcast and for most of her life she's had very few friends.
If anyone has any advice, or needs any advice from my experiences please let me know.

Only DS1 bedwetting up to 10 years of age but there is an incredible website and helpline that offers help.

www.eric.org.uk/

Your daughter is not alone, according to Eric website

86,000 people between 20-24 wet the bed
77,000 people between 19-24 for daytime wetting
31,000 people between 16-19 for soiling

There are lots of posts from teenagers who said they felt alone. I think it helps to know you are not alone and with the internet there are many more people/groups/healthcare people within reach. I hope your daughter manages to become dry.

Thanks VeritysWatchTower, I think that is one problem. We've never had the chance to meet someone who's dealing with similar issues. Wearing diapers 24/7 isn't something people openly talk about.
I've actually looked for a lot of support sites regarding this but there doesn't seem to be any properly active ones.
It's actually surprising so many young people are dealing with this now a days. Unfortunately this is a physical ailment and for a "cure" surgery might be the only option. According to her doctor she won't be ready for a surgery in "that area" for a long time because of some complications.
But hopefully in the future there will be some solution to make it easier.
Cleaning yourself after a bowel accident is so tough by yourself, and time consuming. She can have accidents at any time, but most of the time she's at college or out of home attending to some work which makes it harder to manage.
I remember when she was growing up she thought the "when I'm bigger I can go to the toilet on my own". It just breaks me down to think of it.
She has told me she's ready to deal with diapers for the rest of her life if there's no other way,
And I have these questions like how is she going to do in university or how she is going to handle relationships. It's just hard because most of her life she's been in a diaper. It's not an easy thing to accept