Daughter needs locking up,partner threatening to leave with our baby

[hertsgirl1984]

Shes 15 ad 3 months. For the last 3years shes refused to attend school despite all the usual incentives and punishments and has been rude and stroppy. She is so lazy that she leaves dirty plates of food and clothes and cigarette butts in her room and i have twice ended up with a poorly dog after hes been in there! She isnt allowed to eat in her room , much less smoke but she really doesnt care what i say or take any notice. Family and home life couldnt really be better for her, my partner and I never, ever argue our home (apart from her room) is lovely and although we are not rich we do not struggle and the girl has all the latest clothes, gadgets etc, she's been on luxury cruises with the grandparents and has enjoyed a childhood which was healthy and easy going. Shes always been hard work from a toddler who disliked affection and was only happy when destroying things , to a child who spent primary school starting arguments with other children and then crying bullying for attention. She pretends to have anxiety and depression to duck out of school and as an excuse for her behaviour when she gets arrested for assaulting me or damaging our home but It's lies as she is happy to catch a train anywhere to get a new piercing or meet friends. She refers to me as 'fat c' (I'm a size 12 and 26 weeks pregnant) and says she hates my partner and he is also a fat c and if I threaten to punish her for ruining our home or stealing she says she will cause trouble for him(by this I assume she means calling the police or something and telling them lies) he really is a wonderfully kind and gentle guy and has only stopped doing things for her since she became really nasty. She leaves the house at 3am sometimes and steals whenever she can so I sleep with my purse etc under my bed. She has told me that she hopes our child will be disabled and has wished him dead too.I have never said anything nasty like this to her, when I criticise her behaviour I literally tell her what shes done wrong I never resort to childish name calling or hurtful things (even though sometimes I want to tell her a few things) I walk away when I'm getting too stressed to remain in control so I dont know where shes learnt this awful behaviour. Im frightened of her, I hate her stinking room and the fact that her boyfriend seems to be at my home all the time, I hate being spoken to like s** and having my home smashed up or being hit if I attempt to discipline her. She put on a show for the social worker which made her seem lovely and made me look mental, she was discharged from CAMHS because she sat and took the piss out of the counsellor and refused to engage with appointments etc and after becoming a regular at the custody suite, she likes the attention from police officers and usually manages to manipulate them into thinking shes some sort of victim. Am I wrong to want her to leave before our baby arrives? I know this isnt possible as shes banned from most relatives homes, let alone be able to stay there so we are stuck with her, well I am, my other half is threatening to move out with the baby if things dont change.

[Newbrummie]

Cigarettes have a terrible affect on brain chemistry, I've given up recently and honestly the difference to my stress levels and general well being is amazing, get her off those. Would she go to the gym with you ? For a walk ?
It's so hard I don't envy you at all, my eldest has been a horror but finally has started to behave and do what I need her to ... only because she can see the benefits to her obviously but it's a start.

[summerblonde]

Weighed in a day early and have only lost a 1lb. Why do I feel disappointed?

[MycatsaPirate]

My niece went into care aged 10/11. My sister was at her wits end, DN was running away and stealing. She was completely out of control.

Life has not been easy but my sister has persevered with maintaining a mother/daughter relationship with her, despite the arrests, fighting, running away continuing. And last year my DN had her first baby, she's completely changed and is now a lovely young woman who seems to have finally settled down. She is 21 now.

But she has never engaged with MH professionals and despite my sister and I both thinking she has definitely got some sort of MH issue, that has never been resolved.

My sister has two other dc, both younger, both lovely and it was for their sake that her oldest had to go into care. It nearly killed my sister, she's been in hospital with bleeding ulcers in her stomach with the stress over her oldest but she has never, ever given up on her.

I would seriously consider putting her into care for everyone's sake.