15yo dd and bedtime/phone usage

[lynn1962]

Hi, I'm new to this so please bear with me! I have a 15yo dd who has all the usual teen attitude/tantrums etc. The biggie for us in terms of disagreement is her phone usage (not unusual, I know!) What I would be interested in hearing is what other parents do in terms of restricting use (she doesn't have it overnight, that's always been the case, but now she's arguing about that almost every night) and whether other parents find it acceptable that their teen chooses to sit in his/her bedroom every evening or most of the day at weekends, just on the phone - if you do have rules and restrictions, how do you implement them? I'm a single parent to everything falls to me. Also, is it so outrageous to have a "bedtime" for a 15yo who is in the middle of her gcse year? Thanks.

In our house, at age 15 our dd had to go up to her bedroom, and her phone stayed downstairs at 10 pm. You have to firm about whatever you decide as we had regular tantrums about this and it wasn't easy. We managed to enforce it until she was 16 and then gave up relaxed the rules a bit.

If she wants to live by other parents rules, she can go live in their houses or pay for her own. Her chances of the latter will be much improved if she doesn't stuff up her exams by lack of sleep. Pone downstairs or sold, her choice.

I don't restrict mine, never had any issues

Another one who never restricted and had no issue :)

'fraid I don't restrict mine either - except that she is on PAYG and pays her own credit, which has always meant she's not in the habit of using the phone much anyway

However, if that is your rule, then it's much easier in the long term to be really firm and stick to it religiously. Once you allow a bit of wriggle room, they just chip away at that.

I haven't restricted my 15 yo for a couple of years. She's been fine until recently when she's started staying up far too late.

I'm now really struggling to reintroduce any rules.

I wish I'd set a rule like you have and stuck to it.

So she's year 11? Almost 16?
It's a difficult balance of letting them self govern and not letting them get knackered and unable to cope through lack of sleep.
I agree with phones having to be downstairs overnight, we do the same with our yr9 dd. On a school night devices have to be put down at 8:30 and then she can read/watch tv etc although just getting ready for bed takes her forever and in bed by 9:30. Weekends and holidays we are more relaxed if we have nothing planned.

Thanks everyone for your feedback. At the beginning, when she first had a smart phone I didn't restrict her having it but then I discovered that she was on it a large part of the night while I thought she was asleep! Since then her obsession with the phone has increased to the point that I genuinely feel is unhealthy. I think I will, as suggested, carry on for now, not relishing the arguments though

My 13yo DS is at boarding school and they are allowed phones for 30 mins a day!! They will have to hand in overnight until 6th form

When at home, he can have it all day but it's in my room overnight.

I do think that they should start paying for their phone bill at some point, but not there yet.

My 15yo dd hands hers on on a 's hool night but allowed it weekends and school holidays.
However, I heard her chatting and laughing at 2am the other night so she's v close to losing that privilege at the moment.
Its hard. My dd has such an attitude and can't seem to be away from her blasted phone for even a couple of minutes. The rows we get if we point this out is awful.

Yes no phone between 7pm and 7am. Family time and winding down is important

You have my sympathy.

My DD is in every other way an easy teen. She has the odd moment but generally is hard working, polite and pleasant.

When I try to remove her phone at bedtime she gets a look of rage that genuinely scares me! She's only using it to watch Dan and Phil or Brooklyn 99. She rarely even contacts her friends, but it's like trying to remove a limb!

I'm going to leave it until after the holidays and then have the conversation again.

Good luck

Thanks everyone, I think all of your comments have made me realise that I just need to stick to my guns (wish me luck with that one!), It seems that some can be trusted to manage their use themselves, and some can't, and unfortunately for me, my dd is one of the ones that can't!!

Phone on landing at 1030pm on school nights. No other restrictions. However she is well aware that having a phone is a privilege not a right, and it can (and frequently is) removed for bad behaviour.

Does depend on the child I think. I've said before on here that I have two 15 year old DDs and they both have to leave their phones downstairs. I know one of them would self regulate and wouldn't be fussed about being on it for hours, but the other would hardly sleep, as she's completely obsessed with her insta/snapchat/facebook/blogs and then would not want to get up for school.

Year 11 is definitely not the year to relax the rules on this.

We have the same issue with our 16yr old DD. She has never had it after 9pm and never allowed it in her room overnight. Just lately it has become a real obsession.I'd say stick to your guns, I know how hard it is and must be so much worse for you going it alone. Good luck. Hope fully one day she will understand!

We have the same issue with our 16yr old DD. She has never had it after 9pm Christ that's really harsh. 9pm? When all her freinds etc are messaging each other she is just sat there without her phone, at 16!!

My dd is 15 & in year 10.

She us allowed her phone in the morning once she is ready for school. ive never needed to remove it during homework (though I have to with DS who is a couple of years younger).

All phones are handed in at 9pm on school nights, 9.30pm at weekends (Norton family is downloaded & that renders it unusable apart from emergency calls) after 9.30pm anyway.

Totally agree it does depend on the child.

When I first joined MN, no-one had phones, but the issue was if they should have a TV in their room. I was an adament "NO WAY" person - there was no way dc1 could regulate himself. Later though, dcs2 and 3 have both had TVs in their room, as they were really far less bothered and it was never an issue with them being able to moderate / self regulate - we didn't even need to set firm rules about when they could / couldn't watch them.
It's the same with phones / laptops / tablets etc - some manage and use them sensibly, and others are just addicted. Depends on their personality.

Christ that's really harsh. 9pm? When all her freinds etc are messaging each other she is just sat there without her phone, at 16!!
I don't think so, she goes to bed at 10 so we think it's a good idea to come off devices a while before to wind down. I'm sure there is some evidence of the blue light from these devices disrupting sleep.

We allow our daughter to have it most nights until around 10pm (she is ur 10) and keep it Friday and Saturday nights if she's been good etc. The over night thing isn't too regular but we're with out a doubt more relaxed during the holidays. If she has it over night for a night or two I will keep it the third night to ensure she gets a good sleep.
This will continue until she leaves year 11.
Hope this helps.
N