Conversations with your reticient teenager ...

[Salutarychoring]

Yesterday ...

Teen dd (13 yrs, only child): can X come with us when we go to Y and stay on both Friday and Saturday nights?

Me (mother): Yes of course ...

[and because X is a new friend in dd's new class whom we don't yet know]

What is she like?

Teen dd: she's nice

Me: What nationality is she (we live abroad)?

Teen dd: dunno, French, maybe, I think

Me: Anything else you can tell me about her?

Teen dd: um [followed by silence]

Me: does she have any hobbies?

Teen dd: dunno

Me: where does she live?

Teen dd: dunno

Me: anything else you can tell me about her?

Teen dd: um [thinks] she's a girl

Glad it's not just mine then.

You remember when they were toddlers & you had to ask open questions so they didn't say yes or no - well for teens you do the opposite

Are they blonde?
Do they like Justin Beiber?
Do they walk to school?

If possible make the questions a bit 'off' & you will get a reaction maybe not the one you want

For serious issues I find talking while you are alone & they are in the front seat of the car helps they can't see you too well and don't feel under pressure

Thanks for the tips Katymac! [I need them ]

Situation made worse by the fact that dd walks past dh's office on way back from school so they have already exchanged all the 'important' post school day info for the day and by the time she gets home to me she is clammed up tighter than a bivalve.

Do sometimes manage to extract a tiny bit of information from her when we sit side by side and cook or do crafts or something though... .

Very, very rarely, she will have a big "something" to impart but that usually happens when I am up to my eyes in something else or have fallen asleep in bed

And no, definitely not just you Watching

I am not an expert - I only have 1 approaching 19........so my time is nearly over

But say something you know they don't agree with or hate/love & you'll probably get a response but it is a minefield out there the most innocuous remark can lead to hysterics

Yes, thanks again Katymac mine is very "tinder box" at the moment. Say the wrong thing and she explodes. The rest of the time though, it is like getting blood out of a stone!

It is difficult with only one though isn't it? One feels under huge pressure to "get it right" all of the time because it is your only chance!

DS1 rarely tells me anything unless something dramatic happened. He did tell me when the school was struck by lightning.

DS2 provides only a list of logistical information I need to know (I need more ink cartridges and I've been invited to A's house after school tomorrow).

DD tells me random bits of information that are often interesting (Today K got bin juice on her hand and Mrs P couldn't turn on the Bunsen burner).

DS3 gives a blow-by-blow account of the entire day, his opinion on every teacher and everything that everyone said. This takes until dinner to narrate, and sometimes feels like it takes longer than the day itself.

I can cope with the first three.
Be careful what you wish for.

fab round-up there Thesecondofhername

And makes me feel a lot better with the child's indiv personality implicated somewhere in there too!