I hit my 17 year old daughter 😓

[Badmum78]

Last night for the 1st time ever I hit my 17 year old daughter. I'm disgusted with myself. She has been more and more cruel to me since last March and I am a nurse who sustained a head injury after a patient beat me up in October; she says I've been a horrible mum since then, but I lost the ability to speak properly, wet myself, insomnia, migraine and flashbacks from a violent child hood and previous partner. She showed no empathy at all when it happened and says I'm not her mum any more. I'm better now and back at work. She has moved out and too her dads house twice before due to horrendous fights, but she doesn't apologise for any of her spoilt nasty behaviour.
I should never of hit her, but she beat me up pretty well after so I got what I deserved. I've apologised today but she's not interested and wants to live with her dad. She says I'm dead to her I'm broken, I've never smacked her ever and have let myself down. What can I do, last night will never be erased and no one else in my family is getting involved. I couldn't face work today, cancelled my birthday tomorrow and have begged for forgiveness and she's being more and more mean... Do I deserve this

Yes she needs space ,to realise how awful she is being to you

Your not your mum, I've been NC with my mum for 15 years and I was always worried I'd be similar with dd. I wasn't though.

Lots and lots of families go through this. Honestly they do. It's how you deal with it that's important. You have your Dh there, enjoy your day with him. Don't let this engulf you. You will see/speak to her again you both just need space

They still are close, same school, same classes and on the phone. Yeah the past 10 months has been hard. But everyone has bad years ! We just obviously weren't good at keeping our kids

Thanks, I'm just so anti violence I cannot believe I hit her ... . And we said nasty things ... She's told her dad a load of rubbish... She gets attention all the time (looks like too much) from everyone apart from her dad until recently so she is raising the bar with telling him what ever to make her look victimised

Noone suggested she did not love you op. I think you need to cool down as you are coming across very defensive and hostile. I'm sorry for what you have been through and commend you for going back to the nhs after such an horrific assault. I wish you and your daughter well and hope things can be resolved

Oh love, you're still a mum.

I agree to giving her time, she's been through a lot of upheaval, at an age that's one of the trickiest.

You have been through a massive amount too, and need to look after yourself.

I know it's easier said than done, but if you've said you love her, just leave her be for now.

She'll come round, I did :)

You do sound very angry still.

Where is my hostility and anger ?

I think using words like crazy and toxic could be detrimental to a person in a crisis situation and I'm a professional in this area.. Giving advice like steer clear when you have a 5 min window of a persons life is cruel ! Apart from that I have no idea what your on about... I may be raw, but I am not hostile

Cool down... ??? Am I passing judgement and giving dangerous advice ? No I merely stated that no one knows the mental health of the person seeking advice

taken that you have written in the heat of the moment, your Daughter seems to have gone through a huge amount.
a blended family, a marriage (Possibly 2), a new person in the home, step siblings? A mother with a possibly life changing assault at work, that had a major affect on her home life, a step brother that left home, a dad who had a mental breakdown and her own relationship failing (a big thing for a teen) and hearing the assaults on her mother.

Do you jump on semantics with your daughter? That would drive me mad.

People are trying to give you their opinion, their view, their experiences in the hope that it rings true with your own and you will have something to work towards.

Asserting your expertise in psychology is irrelevant when you have asked for advice. It's up to you to decide whether the advice is useful or not, but when it is given in a nice and constructive manner your responses are quite rude.

I appreciate that you are stressed going through these events with your family, but you are coming across as a tad aggressive/defensive.

I have a 17 year old and am divorced. She is lovely

I have an eighteen old who has both parents friends boyfriend part time job and is off to uni next month. She is though extremely self centred
And walks around the house as
Though she can do what she wants and Dosent care
About who it affects. She has changed and is very self centres and self absorbed but to be honest I
Don't think this is down to anything but age and being irritated at your parents and feeling like you now everything!! It's so
Amazing how many times I bite my younger I love her to bits but she's not a nice person some times

Her step dad had difficulty not her dad ! I am not coming across angry I'm being serious I'm at breaking point and you passed judgement your response was cruel and made me cry...

I have no expertise in psychology??? I work in acute psychiatric female ward ... My expertise is with females who are judged by others but can't cope with the advice you gave ... I think you were judgemental and cruel.... You do have troll in your name ... Feel free to report me

You just made a cruel comment about semantics and do I use them with my daughter ! I've had fantastic advice but u and one other extremely cruel !

Op with all due respect you have misread more than one comment and responded pretty harshly.

You sound very defensive but you really need to read the comments properly instead of jumping on posters for what you ASSUME they mean.

She's decided too stay at her dads until 'my heads screwed on' which will maybe till end of year .... And got love u xxx no sorry and she got her dad to get her another contract phone so I can't moan that I pay for her mobile.. That leaves me 1 year left on her £45 contract I've to pay !!! Teenagers seriously have put me off any more

Can you example

Claramarion neither is mine 😓

'Asserting your expertise in psychology is irrelevant when you have asked for advice.'

You responded with, 'I have no expertise in psychology??'

That is completely NOT what was said - at no point did the other poster say you have no expertise. You totally misunderstood what was actually a very sound and polite observation.

These were not misinterpreted these where judgemental and cruel

I hope you stop apologising. Like you said, maybe she's been too spoilt. She's sees you as beneath her. She should be apologising profusely, to you.
I hope everything is sorted out for you both.

As is the point made about using semantics on my daughter cause that would drive them mad... Is that constructive advice or does it make an already devestated and inconsolable mother feel worse and questions her parenting even more