Last night for the 1st time ever I hit my 17 year old daughter. I'm disgusted with myself. She has been more and more cruel to me since last March and I am a nurse who sustained a head injury after a patient beat me up in October; she says I've been a horrible mum since then, but I lost the ability to speak properly, wet myself, insomnia, migraine and flashbacks from a violent child hood and previous partner. She showed no empathy at all when it happened and says I'm not her mum any more. I'm better now and back at work. She has moved out and too her dads house twice before due to horrendous fights, but she doesn't apologise for any of her spoilt nasty behaviour.
I should never of hit her, but she beat me up pretty well after so I got what I deserved. I've apologised today but she's not interested and wants to live with her dad. She says I'm dead to her
I'm broken, I've never smacked her ever and have let myself down. What can I do, last night will never be erased and no one else in my family is getting involved. I couldn't face work today, cancelled my birthday tomorrow and have begged for forgiveness and she's being more and more mean... Do I deserve this
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I hit my 17 year old daughter 😓
Badmum78 · 31/08/2016 18:23
I think it would help a lot if you could try to put yourself into her shoes for a moment and think about what would be the most constructive solution.
You have a massive problem here which is not of your making (
). Since your head injury your personality has changed (cf your post on another thread) and your dd seems to be lashing out against this. It is easy to see from your posts here and elsewhere that you get emotional very quickly and feel very hurt by even mild criticism. Your default position almost seems to be "how can they be so cruel to me when I am so fragile". This is no doubt a result of the head injury and must be absolutely horrible for you.
Unfortunately, a 17yo is probably the last person on the planet who can handle this. What she needs, unfortunately, is stability, consistency, firmness, calm; knowing that she can be weak because the adults in charge are strong. Your fragility must be very frightening for her. I remember my own mum going through some mild MH problems about this age, and though I was outwardly supportive and neither of us ever resorted to physical violence, inside I was absolutely bloody terrified. I can still feel that fear today. It wasn't her, it was the illness- but I would have been so grateful for any help she could have got.
Your dd cannot support you through this difficult time because she does not have the maturity. The head injury is not her fault and she cannot sort it. You need adults to lean on. Whether friends or medical experts.
So I think, once apologies are over and out of the way, that you both need to think as calmly and objectively about this situation as you can. Would it be better for both of you if she lived elsewhere for the time being, while you recovered? It would be no different from if you had to stay in hospital: she could still visit and you could still show her love. But somebody else would be in charge.
And is there any kind of treatment or support you could still access? There may be support groups for people with head injuries- your GP might know.
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