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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I am I being to harsh

22 replies

Alfiemoon1 · 25/08/2016 22:42

I have an ds 11 and dd just 15. Dd likes to Skype her friends which I have no problem with but it gets loud and keeps ds awake despite me going up numerous times telling her to be quiet. So I said no sypke after 10 pm she can have her phone and text snap chat etc. All her friends seem to be on there all night and of course I am the worst parent allowed yes it's the holiday but I am up at 7am for work. She's moaned and been moody so I've dug my heels in. But tonight I feel guilty taking the laptop of her at 10 as her friends were only just going on there. Aibu ? can't cope with the giggling all night and ds moaning he can't sleep but don't want to isolate her from her friends.

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Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 25/08/2016 22:46

Dh agrees with dd but he's on holiday atm and doesn't get up til dinner and when he was up til 2 am the other night yes keeping me awake had to go to bed at 9.30 leaning me to deal with the kids so his opinion doesn't really count at the moment

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Fairylea · 25/08/2016 22:48

Could she do it downstairs? Kitchen?

I think at 15 and during the holidays it's not unreasonable for her to want to chat to her friends quite late. I was going out until 10/11pm at that age during the holidays! I do understand it's difficult with a younger sibling needing to sleep though!

CourtAgain · 25/08/2016 22:53

I don't think YABU. 10pm is late enough and there are other people to consider.

My 13 year old DD has to come off Skype and calls at 9.15 as her brothers go to bed at 9.30. It's just how it has to be.

gandalf456 · 25/08/2016 22:56

No. I wouldn't have it either

usual · 25/08/2016 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 25/08/2016 23:03

She wants to do it in her room so she has privacy which i understand. She still has her phone for quiet communication text whatsapp snap chat etc after 10 pm so it's not like I am putting her to bed at that time. If they didn't get so giddy then it wouldn't be an issue but I've had enough of putting ds to bed and being up and down all night sorting him out as he can't sleep and telling her to be quiet. It may be the holidays and they can sleep in all day but I still have work. Roll on them going back to school lol X

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Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 25/08/2016 23:08

I have suggested she comes downstairs but she won't. It's just her and her female friends who I know bit as they can sit in there rooms all night on Skype she wants to none of them have younger siblings though. We were in America last week and would get in at 9 pm USA time and she was snap chatting them so they are obviously up all night on their phones which i won't allow as she needs her sleep and is vile if she doesn't get enough so I am mean on that front as well

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mineofuselessinformation · 25/08/2016 23:13

Does your router have settings so you could shut down her access on the device she's skyping on, but still allow her access to the one she uses for other communication? Most do.
That sounds like a sensible compromise to me, and is fairly easy to do says she who has to occasionally lock a teenager out of her computer so she goes to bed.

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 25/08/2016 23:21

My comprise was she came downstairs we have a kitchen table and a separate dining room that nobody would be using in the evening but that wasn't right and she got stroppy so I said 10 pm cut off which made her moody so like I said I told her that tough that was the rule. It's one of those situations when they act up u dig your heels in if she had agreed to compromise by coming downstairs and not been moody all day I might have been move lenient. So now I am faced with either sticking to my guns or backing down in which case she will think all she has to do through a paddy and she will get her own way. I did offer to wake her up at 7 am when I get up so she could have all day on Skype and she rolled her eyes at me lol

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Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 25/08/2016 23:24

She has wifi for face book snap chat text etc it's just FaceTime and Skype where we can hear her talking and giggling that I am stopping as its keeping her brother awake as he is in the next room

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frenchfancy · 26/08/2016 08:01

When you live in a house where other people have to get up in the morning for work it is not unreasonable to expect quit after 10pm. She needs to learn to respect others feelings.

If this were my DDs I would be waking them at 7am if they kept me up after 10pm. If they kept their 9 yr old sister awake I would be sending her in (perhaps with her recorder) to wake them.

mineofuselessinformation · 26/08/2016 09:20

Yes, frenchfancy, or vacuum outside their bedroom door, accidentally on purpose banging it into the door as often as possible.

MiddleClassProblem · 26/08/2016 09:29

I'm not sure if this works but have you posed the problem to her and see what she thinks you/she can do to solve the problem?

Tbh I think 10pm is a good noise cut off and reasonable time as if she were renting with neighbours in x years they could be annoyed with noise after this time. Ok she is only chatting but some teens in particular don't realise the volume they reach. Surely she does it in her room for privacy but if you can hear every word is it that private?

MiddleClassProblem · 26/08/2016 09:30

Maybe sit outside her room and then casually drop in conversation snippets of what you heard the next day lol

Dollyparton3 · 26/08/2016 14:05

I'd just tell her straight. My house, my rules. When you pay the mortgage you have a right to negotiate.

gamerchick · 26/08/2016 14:15

Personally I think you're doing the right thing. She goes downstairs or she gives it up at a set time.

You could always go and sit in her bed while she's doing it and screen bomb in the background, bunny rabbit ears etc. Show her how irritating someone being inconsiderate is.

bigbluebus · 26/08/2016 16:20

I think you've offered her a fair compromise - she has a choice - take it or leave it.
My DS is 19 and although he is on Facebook half the night to his mates he has to get through the bathroom and turn the landing lights off when we go to bed around 11/11.30pm so he doesn't disturb us as we have to get up at 6.30 am. The night his internet connection kept dropping out and he put all the lights on and was up and down the stairs re-starting the wifi box he got a right bllcking - I don't care how old he is, if he lives in our house he shows consideration for the other occupants, and your DD needs to learn to do the same OP.

specialsubject · 27/08/2016 09:42

Selfish as hell. When she has her own house she can yell all night. Now she has to belt up. Her future flatmates will hate her if she goes on being this inconsiderate.

Dont care what the ickle pals are allowed to do. She can see them in the daytime.

harderandharder2breathe · 27/08/2016 12:14

You've given her a choice, she's choosing the one that means no Skype after 10pm.

MadeForThis · 27/08/2016 12:28

You have been more than reasonable. She has a simple choice, after 10pm the laptop is downstairs. If she wants to use it she can. If she chooses not to then that's up to her.

19lottie82 · 05/09/2016 10:49

Wow...... Of course this isn't "mean"!

She's in her mothers house, I'm presuming as she's 15 she doesn't pay any rent, and she's disturbing others that have to get up early to go to work and pay the bills (inc the broadband!)

I'd give her another warning and if she doesn't listen, turn the wifi off at 10 each night for a week. After that if she doesn't learn her lesson, repeat.

Personally I think it should be off at 10 each night anyway!

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 05/09/2016 11:09

She apologised and stick to the 10 pm rule. They are back at school today so back to earlier bedtimes thank god lol x

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