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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

is this normal for a nearly 13 year old?

42 replies

miku · 01/08/2016 12:17

Floundering and grieving at the loss of my active girl- she just wants to stay in her room, in her pjs, and only goes out if her friends have a meet up- I cannot get her to do anything- she just says no.
I am working/half at home, and out n about. shes mature for her age, but Im finding this worrying- its been 3 days now that she has basically been in her room.....summer holidays are hard, because I don't have enough money to take us anywhere, just odd days here n there- but she just is so un responsive to any ideas.

OP posts:

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BertrandRussell · 04/08/2016 11:22

My 15 year old ds has some incredibly busy days, but on others he wakes up, goes the the loo, makes tea, then moves into our bed with laptop, iPad, two guitars,an amp, a pile of books and the cat. And stays there-emerging occasionally for food.

SlinkyVagabond · 04/08/2016 11:26

I think it's just a phase, mine is 18, she was in pjs all day yesterday, emerges for meals, meeting friends, very long showers and any potential shopping trips.

seventhgonickname · 04/08/2016 11:59

Mine is just emerging ,13.She has her laptop in her room and as far as I can tell she listens to music,watches anime films,Dan and Phil and Facebook messages her friends.Also edges for food or complain there is nothing to snack on.
We do have the odd few days of sanity /here but I try not to get my hopes up!

HoneyDragon · 04/08/2016 12:18

Ds13 has some days in his room, but last holidays he got quite grumpy and lethargic so we have a deal this time.

He spends some time with his sister and I. Swimming/or take her to the park.

If he's had an entire day of festering he comes out with me in the evening and we Pokemon hunt and walk the dog.

Even he says he feels better for doing it.

Obviously days he disappears with his mates aren't an issue.

strawberrybootlace · 04/08/2016 12:24

Sounds normal to me. I think that the world is slightly overwhelming for them at that age and lots of teens just need time alone to process it. Also time away from the dps and sibs because we are clearly the most annoying people in the world

BabyGanoush · 04/08/2016 12:32

I force my boys ( 11/14) to come out every day, at the minimum for a 1 hr dog walk, or a bike ride with dad, or a pub meal in a pubthat's a 45 minute walk away.

I tirn the wifi off at regular intervals, give them 10-15 minutes to get bored, then they are happy to go out.

If I ask them ehilst they are on their devices, they'd just say "no".

They seem to accept their crazy mum turning off the switch and yelling:" time to switch off the PS3! Pods and pads off! Now!"

I would not let my dog stay in all day, without a walk, so neither will my kids! Wish me luck for the future in keeping my resolve

youngestisapsycho · 04/08/2016 12:37

My DD 14 is the same... but at least I know where she is!
I worry about her and my mum says to me, why worry? You know where she is, and when she is older and going out to parties and stuff, and you don't know where she is, that is when to worry!
She's right... they've got years ahead of them to be out doing stuff. There's not much for them to do either is there, especially if no money?

HoneyDragon · 04/08/2016 13:38

Thanks to O2 priority Pizza and Park Monday is good for extracting him out the homestead for minimal teen costs

misshelena · 04/08/2016 14:08

If "staying in" all day is something she always preferred and you are just seeing more of it because of summer holidays, then I think it's normal. But if it's new behavior, then maybe there is something else going on and you are right to pay more attention. It could be depression? Maybe some drama going on with her friends? Try to get her to talk to you is my advice.

Kennington · 04/08/2016 14:12

Switch off wifi and take smart phones off them and get rid of TVs in rooms.
I was sent out the house at 13 and would go on day trips - even just a wander about. I loved it.

sashh · 05/08/2016 07:41

I think it's just a phase

I'm almost 50 and because I'm a teacher I'm not working at the moment. I get up, have coffee, spend my day between MN and TV and reading - all in pj's.

I'll have a bath later and change in to clean pj's and repeat.

I only got dressed yesterday because I had to get some shopping.

DixieNormas · 05/08/2016 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sequentialchoring · 05/08/2016 09:39

I'm interested in the posts that say this is a phase around 13/14 years and then they become less insular. I hope this is the case.

Trouble is, I worry that once they are ready to branch out, they won't have the social skills or experience to do it if they have been huddled in their rooms leading up to this time!

It's something we struggle with constantly, particularly as dd is an 'only'. Take away her technology and we take away her contact with her friends (partic as we are expats so friends are always in far flung places during the holidays).

Anyway, since removing her lap top and Ipod on Wed, I can report that (after a pretty rocky start) we have been on a family trip out to visit distant relatives which she really enjoyed, gone on two shopping expeditions (one for her school equip and one for our office), started a jig-saw (I know this is not exactly thrilling but it serves as a good displacement activity while one is discussing life/the universe etc), walked the dog together, cooked together and she has got stuck in to her remedial study (she has retakes at end of hols) and she has read half a book.

She is also looks much brighter and seems happier in herself and is replying politely to questions first time asked! Normally grunts in response to questions being asked three or four times.

I have to confess to letting her have her Ipod for 30 mins last night though to let her friends know what was happening. But then we banished it again andwill see how this goes ... .

tireddotcom72 · 05/08/2016 09:46

Yay my dd is normal - nearly 13 and has hibernated in her room all holidays so far! I was worried she was depressed or something

ElleEmJay · 07/08/2016 01:39

My 13yo is the same - prefers being in her room to anything else. My problem is their dad wants to take her and other dd 16yo, away for long weekend and my 13yo is now coming into my room every night crying because she doesn't want to go. I know her dad will be angry and upset if she doesn't go.
Do I concede and fight the battle with her dad or make her go? Any advice welcome please!

MUjunkie · 07/08/2016 02:23

My son is nearly 15 and he spends days stinking up his bedroom, only coming out for food and asking why wi-go has gone off! It's a bloody nightmare...where did my gorgeous, loving, sweet baby boy go? Now all I'm left with is a stinky, miserable little shit with a bad attitude!!!

MUjunkie · 07/08/2016 02:26

*wi-fi

I'm sorry to make you feel worse...BUT...if she's only 12 it will only get worse before it gets better! Good luck OP!!!

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