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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Apparently my 14 yr old DD is "a baby" as she doesnt want to drink

33 replies

Dafadddu · 22/07/2016 14:16

And go on a bender this evening.

Her pals (so called) are going drinking to a field tonight. My DD diesnt like alcohol. Tried a gulp or so with me and hated it.

But she saw the instigator of this group -we can call her Wendy as i understand it means something on MN -say on Messenger group chat that "#### is a baby not drinking".

Call me old fashioned but im really fucked off. Since when is it a teenage crime to say no to a session if drinking at 14? She has now been removed from this chat group which i guess is really slating her. She isnt bothered but it bothers me.

Wendy got drunk 4 weeks ago. Wendy likes to drink with the boys. Wendy appears to argue with a lot. Her mum buys her the alcohol.

Ive told DD that she is not missing out on much and soon Wendy will be back at school being two faced and nice to DD's face. She does have another circle of friends who are close and are part of a sports team but they dont socialise.

Please tell me you have a 14yr old who isnt bothered with alcohol!

OP posts:
situatedknowledge · 22/07/2016 14:18

I have a 16 year old and a 14 year old not at all interested. It really isn't that unusual in my experience. Well done to your DD for having her own opinion!

calamityjam · 22/07/2016 14:23

I have an almost 16 and almost 14 year old ds and dd. They do not drink, they are in for 10-11on weekends and holidays, after having been to friends playing xbox and watching films. I would not be buying the younger one alcohol, however ds starts year 11 in September and will also turn 16, I may be persuaded on occasion to buy him a couple of cans of lager if and when he asks.

Bananalanacake · 22/07/2016 14:27

Does Wendy have one of those mums who don't say no.

Original poster
Dafadddu · 22/07/2016 14:27

We live in a small hamlet which requires us to drive the kids to next villagw. She'll godown perhaos twice a week to see the girls and most of the time the lads ( to plat football) and we make arrangements to pick her up at 9.30. She never wants to stay longer.

In glad she has a mind of her own and not easily led by Wendy. She is passionate about football and prefers to stay in and watch Sky sports news all evening or kick a ball in the field!

Thank you.

OP posts:
maddiesparks · 22/07/2016 14:28

My eldest is 14 and is not interested at all - I haven't got the blinkers on I really trust that he doesn't. He is very sporty so I think that helps. He goes out with his friends a lot but is always home by 9.30 latest. Having had a bit of a misspent youth myself I don't see any need for him to be out after that time. He doesn't go to a lot of the house parties that a lot of his friends go to as he is quite open and says everyone will be drinking and that's not for him. This may not last so I am making the most of it! Well done to your daughter for not bowing to peer pressure and for standing up for herself. That should be applauded - tell her how proud that makes you.

Original poster
Dafadddu · 22/07/2016 14:29

Wendy's mum grates on me TBH. Polite enough dont get me wrong and always says hello. But her mum looks very laid back and i guess she was like this with Wendys older sister.

DD says "i have a hobby. Wendy's hobby is pouting and checking her eyebrows!" That made me LOL!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dafadddu · 22/07/2016 14:31

Thank you maddies. I think the key is that she has a hobby. A focus which is football. I certainly think kids need a focus.

OP posts:
LAmusic · 22/07/2016 14:33

My 16 year old isn't that bothered about drinking! At least if she's not going on a bender she's still going to have a liver come age 25!

WankersHacksandThieves · 22/07/2016 14:34

It's not abnormal no, there seems to be this fallacy that all teenagers are out hanging about the park drinking and carrying on. the vast majority of them are sat in their rooms or on the sofa watching tv, playing video games or on social media and then going to specific hobbies such as sports/concerts etc.

I am sure when Wendy along with other teens have got themselves drunk and she or another girl are pregnant, Wendy's mum and the other parents will be chuffed. Who will be the baby then?

I have 16 and nearly 15 year olds btw. Not interested in hanging about the streets drinking in the slightest.

Spanielcrackers · 22/07/2016 14:36

I have an 18 and a 21 year old who don't drink. They don't particularly like the taste or the loss of control, and they'd rather spend their money on clothes.

Original poster
Dafadddu · 22/07/2016 14:37

He he wankers....dd did say few weeks ago that Wendy could one day be on "16 and pregnant." But i had to google it as i had no idea whar she was on about!!

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 22/07/2016 14:38

Good for your DD OP!! The Wendy in my school year had twins on the day the rest of us got our O level results.

madmother1 · 22/07/2016 14:40

I have a 19 DS who is now teetotal! He got sick to death of chucking up and writing off whole days in bed with a hang over. There's nothing wrong with not drinking at her age.

WankersHacksandThieves · 22/07/2016 14:40

To me it shows a lack of self esteem and confidence rather than the other way about. Getting to do what you want all the time without boundaries has the opposite effect to what you think it would. Having boundaries combined with praise and love and encouragement teaches your children that you care about them and their future. Letting them do what they want teaches them that you don't give a fuck. That's my view anyway.

MiddleClassProblem · 22/07/2016 14:41

Sounds like DD has her head screwed on. Be proud x

WankersHacksandThieves · 22/07/2016 14:43

Sometimes I think they just escalate the bad behavour in the hope that someone gives enough of a care to ask them to stop. So Wendy's mum might think she is such a cool parent but in effect she is an arsehole. :o

MadameJosephine · 22/07/2016 14:47

Sounds like a very sensible girl, not just about this but for her ability to resist peer pressure. Good for her!

My DS is almost 20 and at university and has never been a drinker, he's tasted alcohol a couple of times and didn't like it and doesn't really understand the attraction of getting drunk. One bonus is that financially he's a lot better off than a lot of other students as he doesn't waste his student loan on booze

Original poster
Dafadddu · 22/07/2016 15:07

Well i feel better teading these comments. I guess Wendy is in the minority! DD is a good girl fair play to her. I shall really praise her when she comes home from football this evening. Ive already told her not to eorry what Wendy thinks!

OP posts:
Hello247 · 22/07/2016 15:58

My daughter is 13 and not interested in drinking I have offered her a drink at home on special occasions but she will take a taste and then say she doesn't like it and goes back to coke or lemonade good on your daughter not to let this other girl pressure her

Timeforabiscuit · 22/07/2016 16:02

Wendy is massively in the minority, and thankfully the number and amount drunk is decreasing the most amoungst younger people.

Alcohol and drugs appear to be out of fashion at the moment Grin

JinkxMonsoon · 22/07/2016 16:03

I would be DELIGHTED that my 14 year old doesn't want to sit in the park getting pissed. Some people might say it's a rite of passage, but I don't think any good can come of it - especially at 14, which is so young.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 22/07/2016 16:07

I think it's great that your daughter has enough about her not to just go along with the crowd.

Her friend sound really spiteful and mean. I remember being 14, and tbh I did like a drink, but there were a few of us who didn't. No one ever fell out about it though.

JustDanceAddict · 22/07/2016 16:24

My 14 year old is t interested in boozing & as far as I know hasn't drunk with friends. I do know some of her friends/peers do drink (& smoke weed), but not her. I'm lucky, as I'm sure her 12 yr old brother won't be as abstemious in a couple of years.

Original poster
Dafadddu · 04/08/2016 16:20

Welljust to update, Wendy has totally excluded DD from the groupchat. They had 2 chats going with about 13 kids in it and Wendy has removed my DD from them. She found out that the gang had gone to the cinema the other day and that upset her that she wasn't invited. She messaged Wendy to enquire about being removed and Wendy replied "i didnt do it" and it clearly says on the chat "Wendy removed you from chat".

She has turned the tables and told DD that "you are the one using people". Bloodyhell DD doesnt go anywhere to use people!

Im just venting, dont expect anyone to reply!!

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 04/08/2016 16:26

My DD doesn't drink.
She has a lovely group of friends who do not judge or try to persuade her to drink.
She did have to work through the issues of extricating herself from certain groups, but, in the end, having kind, sensible, likeminded friends is much better than dealing with nasty, pathetic bullies.

The only thing you can do is encourage and support her in finding out of school activities where she can make new friends.