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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Trip to cinema with sons GF. I think I have upset my daughter!

21 replies

Tweeterer · 19/06/2016 14:09

Hi. Just after a bit of advice. Both myself and sons GF have read 'you before me' and we planned to go to the cinema to watch it (I have a BOGOF deal). But I have really upset my daughter! I was looking forward to some time with sons GF. Should I just invite my daughter to keep the peace? It's not like we never do Anything together...oh poop dilemma.

OP posts:
AlexandraLeigh · 19/06/2016 14:26

You could explain this to your daughter or even offer to see something else another time.

I understand wanting to spend time with your sons girlfriend, but is it worth sacrificing a relationship with your daughter even if she may be overreacting?

Anyhow, it's totally your choice but personally i'd allow her to come especially as all three of you might just have an even better time :)

Best wishes xx

firesidechat · 19/06/2016 14:28

Depends how old your daughter and the girlfriend are. If they are about the same age then yes I do think your daughter should have been invited.

KateLivesInEngland · 19/06/2016 14:33

Is she actually interested in seeing the film or just being jealous that you're doing something with the GF?
If you suspect she's jealous you need to talk to her and point out that the GF is not replacing her or anything and find a common activity between the two of you that you can do together.
You don't say how old these two girls are but I take it they're late teens? If they're older, you seriously need to talk to your daughter about her behaviour.

KateLivesInEngland · 19/06/2016 14:36

Sorry, just seen that this is posted in teens! But if she's late teens she still needs a talking to IMO. Throwing a wobbler isn't something you need to be condoning at that age.

ImperialBlether · 19/06/2016 14:36

I don't blame her for being upset. No, you shouldn't invite your daughter to keep the peace, ffs, but because she's your daughter and you don't want her to feel left out.

Floggingmolly · 19/06/2016 14:39

Why were you looking forward to spending time with your son's girlfriend; to the point where you're miffed your own daughter wants to come along?
That's really weird.

OurBlanche · 19/06/2016 14:42

Weird is your daughter voicing her jealousy to the point that she spoils your trip to the cinema.

It isn't at all weird or wrong to want to spend time with your DSs GF, especially if you have both read the book and want to see the film.

Only you know whether your DD is being ridiculous but it does sounds as though she needs a bit more time to grow up Smile

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/06/2016 14:44

I think its mean to exclude her tbh.

firesidechat · 19/06/2016 14:48

You see I think it's a bit weird too Flogging.

My husband does one thing with our sil that they do alone, but it's a mainly male interest that they both share and happens once a year. Sorry, that sounds a bit dubious, but it's actually incredibly boring. If we had a son who was also interested I would expect them to go too. Our children's partners are very much a part of the family, but we don't see any need to nurture a special relationship with them outside of family occasions. Everyone is different I guess.

OurBlanche · 19/06/2016 15:09

She wasn't excluded though. OP has a BOGOF and DSs GF has read the book and probably expressed an interest in the film.

No one has done anything wrong... and we will all have different ideas on who has acted a bit oddly, again no one will be wrong. It seems a bit pointless trying to prove to OP that she is a shit mum!

Floggingmolly · 19/06/2016 15:13

She was excluded though. Sort of...

Op said she had been looking forward to spending time with the gf, but should she invite her dd anyway to "keep the peace"? I wouldn't feel exactly welcome in her dd's shoes!

usual · 19/06/2016 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OurBlanche · 19/06/2016 15:22

When you get to sort of it depends entirely on where you stand Smile

I don't think it is odd to not automatically invite a DD... others here do. That's why I said there is no wrong... just different.

OP may not have invited her DD if her DD had not expressed any interest in the film until she heard her mum was taking DSs GF. We don't know!

firesidechat · 19/06/2016 15:40

But why didn't she give her daughter the choice? What's wrong with just saying " hey daughter, your brothers girlfriend and I really want to see You Before Me, do you fancy coming too?" Isn't that the automatic thing to do here?

OurBlanche · 19/06/2016 15:42

Nothing wrong to ask... but why is it automatic to invite everyone? OP had a BOGOF.... she offered the other to someone she knew was interested. No crime...

Original poster
Tweeterer · 19/06/2016 17:37

So just to clear a few things up. DD is just 16 and sons GF is18. It was a BOGOF deal and as we had both read the book it was just a conversation we had and decided to go together. I get on well with sons GF and DD. No hidden agendas. I could invite DD but that would just look like an after thought. I didn't realise she would be quite so upset. Anyway, I have had a chat with DD and I get BOGOF deals often so I said we can go and see something together soon, as we have done lots of times before. I think GCSE pressure maybe to blame for this wobbly. Only my opinion, but maintaining a good relationship with sons GF is important. Life is good when we all get along.......most of the time!

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/06/2016 17:42

Of course it's good to get along with sons gf... But also good to get along with your Dd.

Your desire to get Bogof deals seems to be eroding your desire to keep up good relationships. Maybe your Dd would love to have gone on this girls trip with her mum and brothers girlfriend, instead of being sidelined.

Don't blame her reaction of GCSEs, that's unfair.

Wondermum81 · 19/06/2016 17:43

I don't think it's weird at all that you look forward to spending time with your sons girlfriend. I do it all the time and am very close to my sons gilrfriend. When me and my first husband got together I was only 17 and his mum was always invitin me to see films with her, go shopping etc. It's not weird.

OurBlanche · 19/06/2016 18:13

Your desire to get Bogof deals seems to be eroding your desire to keep up good relationships. Projecting anything there? That's an awful lot to read into 1 cinema ticket.

And again, there is nothing odd about OP not inviting her DD. Her DDs reaction might be caused by anything, including jealousy, GCSE nerves or just plain bolshiness. OP is the only one who can find that out!

Original poster
Tweeterer · 19/06/2016 18:42

Usually there isn't a problem. I get on with both really well hence the post, as its out of character.

Thanks for you support Wondermum and OurBlanche x

we have had a chat and she has been putting all of her time into revising, she is tired and stressed and naturally we have has less time to spend together. So she is sensitive and something that wouldn't have normally worried her has.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tweeterer · 19/06/2016 18:43

Having said that. Me and Sons GF are still going by ourselves.....

OP posts:
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