Daughter and boyfriend can't seem to do anything where mums concerned

[Onfleek]

My daughters boyfriends mum is absolutely doing me and my daughters head in and I can see my daughter is getting pissed off. She moans all the time about them being around the house all the time, telling them need to go out and do something etc but when they tell her they're going into town, out for a meal or to the cinema she moans at them and lectures them for half an hour.

Seems they can't win. What advice can I give my daughter so she can stopped being so stressed about spending any time with her boyfriend.

Make a date, meet BF at venue or prearranged spot.
Not sure why she needs to be consulting the mother about the dating plans, that's just something for the son to deal with surely.

They'll be at his house and then say something along the line of they're going out for a bit, back at this time etc etc.

It's really awful because she works long hours 6 days a week one week and 5 the next at an animal sanctuary about a 50 minute drive from our house so she doesn't have a lot of time to get out and have fun outside of work.

How old are they? Doesn't the boyfriend say anything when his mum is doing this? I'd explain to her that she is working a lot and doesn't get a lot of time to enjoy herself so it's important that they do go out and do this together. I would definitely have to tell the mum to just P*ss off

How old is your daughter? Why is she spending so much time at her bf house?

Surely the very simple answer is to spend as little time as possible in the woman's company.

Maybe she is just concerned about the money being spent on doing these? Is money tight? Is she having to pay for this or are your daughter and her boyfriend paying? Might be more to it that you don't know than her mum just saying no you can't do that.

Also how do they get to these places? Is she giving lifts or expected to pay for bus fare or petrol?

She is 18 and he is 19.

I don't think he says anything because she is very highly strung and it's not worth the argument. I have told my daughter to say something but she is too timid so I told her boyfriend that he needs to say something to his mum as its not good that she is doing nothing other than work and watching the same TV shows day in day out.

She isn't expected to give them any money so I'm not sure if that is the issue. Money is very tight for HER as she does not work but her partner earns plenty which he gives her and both my daughter and her boyfriend work full time and have nothing to pay. I do charge my daughter rent but it's only a small percentage of what she earns and he doesn't pay his mum any rent as if he did she would stop getting her benefits so they have plenty of money to spend.

They both drive too so no lifts expected or bus fare needed from her. They can both pay for their petrol and they both get their petrol to and from work payed for by work.

She doesn't spend a lot of time there really, I have a rule that he can stay 2 nights here and she spends 2 night there. But as she has to leave for work at 6:30 in the morning during the week the 2 nights are at the weekend when they want to go out the most.

Other than this she gets on really well with his mum and the rest of the family so she likes spending time there.

I think I'd avoid giving advice! It's her home not yours.

Can't they watch tv/whatever in his room and ignore his mum?

I know this isn't the point of the thread, but four nights a week with a bf is quite a lot IMO if they take up your offer of two nights at the bf's and two at yours. Does your DD see plenty of her friends too and do something without her bf? She's still got plenty of exploring to do at her age.

Yeah, and they do. But that is all they do. That's my point, they can't sit in and watch tv all the time, it's not fair and not what I want for my daughter. If that's all she wanted to do I would care but she wants to do something and his mum just moans at them.

I don't think it's a lot really, they'll be living together this time next year.

They don't need her permission to go out so it's probably best if your DD ignores any snarky comments from his mum. It's up to her bf what he says to his own mum - I wouldn't like it if my DD's bf's mum advised her to say stuff to me. If they're planning to live together next year they don't have much longer to put up with her comments.

They'll be living together next year
Well, maybe!
You should make sure you not stir this particular pot, OP, making judgements about the bf's mum is really not on.
Listen to your dd when she wants you to but otherwise don't offer opinions. Why are you so keen for her to be tied down at 18 anyway?

I was only advising her on what to say because she asked me, I also don't make judgments on his mum.

I'm not sure where exactly I've made out I'm so keen for her to be tied down? I'm just asking for advice on how to handle his mum who doesn't let them go out and moans when they do.

They will be living together unless it takes them a whole year to find a flat they are happy with as they started looking a few weeks back.

Although she agreed to it, I don't think the BF's mum is happy with this arrangement anymore. Nor is your DD, or you OP. Your DD and her BF need to work something else out because she's probably not going to change and this situation is just creating bad feeling and resentment on all sides.

I too said that I think she probably isn't happy about my daughter staying so much anymore so she agreed to stay home more often but after a few weeks his mums started to get a bit funny and she ended up telling her son that she was really offended that my daughter no longer wanted to spend time there. Daughter apologised and explained that she just felt like she was fed up of them being there and she told her that wasn't the case she is just super stessed about something that I probably shouldn't mention on here. So everything went back to normal.

As far as I know she is happy for my daughter to be there so I'm not sure what the problem is.