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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Family meal out tonight and teens (16 & 13) ruined it [sad]

97 replies

SuperMumNot · 04/06/2016 21:41

DS1 is mid- GCSES and has been working hard. DS2 has exams in the next couple of weeks, so we haven't been away over Half Term.

Neither had plans for tonight so we said would they like to go out for dinner to local restaurant (their choice) and they said yes.

Once we got there and ordered they just proceeded to ruin the evening with stupid silly behaviour:

not being willing to engage in any sensible conversation about anything (DH & I were trying to agree stuff about our summer holiday)
mucking about like toddlers - DS2 snorted laughing into his drink and sprayed it all over me
stupid name-calling to each other the WHOLE time
just constant stupid banter with phrases from YOuTube videos etc
DS2 choosing to deliberately misunderstand everything we said and accusing us of 'hating him'

etc etc

It was honestly the most depressing evening I have ever spent with them. DH was angry and just went silent and I was angry and told them off.
We paid (over £90) and left.

I am honestly so angry and disappointed in them. Is this a phase they reach and come out of again (please...)?

Feel like I want to tell them how ungrateful and out of order they were, but am still too angry.
DH says we should cancel holiday plans.

OP posts:

Travelledtheworld · 05/06/2016 06:58

I understand.
Tell them how disappointed you were and how embarrassing they were.

We had a takeaway last night and played Trvial Pursuit
Saved ££££'s and when DS had a tantrum because he " got all the difficult questions" , there was no one else to see it.

Original poster

SuperMumNot · 05/06/2016 07:09

Thanks for the replies last night. It was because it seemed so out of character for them that I was upset.
We eat together virtually every night and usually have a good range of banter and sensible discussion about all sorts of things so that's why I was so shocked by their behaviour last night.
Anyway they are off out with their respective mates today so they can burn off any remaining silliness there!

OP posts:

sandgrown · 05/06/2016 07:23

I would have been disappointed too Supermum. When teenagers showing you up it is not as easy to just remove or distract them like you would with a toddler. Our teenager has been on his own quite a lot this week as he is off school and we were working. I still feel guilty leaving him! Friends have invited us for a nice day out doing something he has never done . Just trying to persuade him to come with us but meeting usual teenage resistance!

Mycraneisfixed · 05/06/2016 07:24

It probably seemed worse at the time because their behaviour was unexpected. You've made it clear to them how you felt so they'll learn that it's not acceptable to behave like that when you're eating out as a family. I thought my teenagers were pretty awful at home but they would never have shown me up in public and you're right to be fuming.

JackandDiane · 05/06/2016 07:26

I agree op. It's appalling behaviour. It's not Nornal. If these were girls I think there would be more disapproval.

I'm sorry. Can't help without knowing you or your boys

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 05/06/2016 07:34

So you've had one meal when you're teenage children have behaved badly?

I think you're lucky! If it's the once, you can look back with "do you remember that meal when you were so badly behaved....." It can't go in the family archive of memories.

And polish that halo Tinkly how marvellous to have the von trapp family

JackandDiane · 05/06/2016 07:36

Not true. I've never had one since the boys past toddler era.
Obviously I'm perfect etc
I don't think expecting teenagers to behave like young adults is too much

diddl · 05/06/2016 07:57

I don't think that it's normal either!

Your husband sounds ridiculous though.

Tell them that you are disappointed/pissed off at the waste of time/money, but then it's done with.

Does sound as if they may have had cabin fever!

P1nkP0ppy · 05/06/2016 08:05

If this is regarded as 'normal' behaviour then I'd take a pretty dim view of it.
I would have stepped in and stopped it pdq, presumably there were other diners present who presumably wouldn't have been impressed?

Regarding it as high jinks or whatever is pretty ridiculous imo, they're old enough to know better.

Var123 · 05/06/2016 08:07

I wouldn't appreciate it either, OP. Clearly you have not brought them up to behave like that. You did what I would have done- tell them that you are disappointed, and the fact that they understand the problem also indicates that they know better.
Just forget about it now. They've learned a lesson about time and place to behave like that and it won't happen again except when they are alone with others their age.

"Let off steam" - yes, but either do it elsewhere or do it a better way.

larrygrylls · 05/06/2016 08:08

I hate the phrase 'just teenagers'. It implies they are not capable of better. Teenagers used to (not that long ago) start work at 16. They also compete in major sports at high levels.

If you expect little, you will get exactly what you expect. If you want to bring up responsible adults, it is up to parents to create high expectations and lead by example. Being taken out to dinner is a treat and they should respond with decent behaviour.

I wouldn't change holiday plans but I would dock pocket money or take away some screen time.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/06/2016 08:10

We had this once. Within a couple of minutes of it starting we told the waiter we weren't enjoying our dinner companions and asked to move to a separate table.

The teenagers were apparently polite and well behaved the whole time they were seated.

They only acted like younger children because they were with us, the adults they feel safest with to act childish/let off steam/not be responsible.

Do that if they do it next time. We didn't make a big deal of it at all. No telling off necessary.

KERALA1 · 05/06/2016 08:16

Away on hol last week. Lots of meals out. Dds (9 and 7) beautifully behaved. Ok more discussion of Harry Potter than I would choose but still. Yanbu I would be sad too op.

blueskyinmarch · 05/06/2016 08:20

OP i suspect this was just one of those evening when things didn’t go right. All families have off evenings like this. Your DS’s were obviously wound up by the stress of exams etc and this came out as silliness and your DH has got in a strop. Just put it behind you. They are not horrible kids and it sounds like your DS1 understood he has overstepped the mark.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 05/06/2016 11:14

Ha ha Through yes I admit my posts are a little Smugity McSmug.

Of course I neglected to mention that after his exemplary behaviour at our family meal, eldest DS went out on the town with his mates, raved all night, kipped on the railway platform for an hour, caught the milk train home and knocked us up at 7 on Saurday morning because he'd forgotten his key.

Strong words were had by Captain Von Trapp I can tell you.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 05/06/2016 11:37

traviata · 05/06/2016 23:43

Tell your DH he can't buy family relationships, and if he thinks his £90 didn't get him enough respectful appreciation from his children, then perhaps he should find a different (and free) way of spending time with them or relaxing together. Or a more cost-effective way of spending his money.

I say 'his' because that's how OP put it.

Bayamesa · 06/06/2016 17:36

I'd be pretty pissed off with that behaviour. Think I might have called for the bill up to that point, paid and left. £90 would have been a big deal for me too. Have recently overspent on giving DD treats twice, and on both occasions she made it miserable, even though she was excited about both things beforehand... am finally learning my lesson. Go on hols but try to keep it cheap-ish so it seems less dramatic if it goes pearshaped. When money pressure is added to the mix, the disappointment gets magnified.

Katedotness1963 · 07/06/2016 12:02

My boys are a similar age and I do not think that is normal teenage behaviour! I'd be extremely pissed off if mine acted that way, and there would probably have been a grounding over it. I wouldn't be changing the summer plans over it though. We go for behaviour, consequence, over it, it's not dragged out or dragged up for ages afterwards.

GeorgeTheThird · 07/06/2016 18:56

Yes it's bad behaviour, no it's not normal, well at least one of them apologised, no it's not the end of the world.

LizzieVereker · 07/06/2016 19:40

OP, you sound really nice, and whilst I agree that your boys behaved unacceptably, I am hopeful that it was just a blip on their part! So what I am about to say is not directed at you, really.

I can't stand all the "Well all teenagers are horrid, it's normal" comments that crop up on threads like this. No it's not normal, and it's certainly not acceptable. I teach teenagers all day, and I live with two of them, and IME the vast majority of them are pleasant and know how to behave in public. Spraying and snorting drinks in a restaurant is very far from normal teenage behaviour.

I think we do teens a great disservice when we assume they are all feral. I think the media represents them appallingly too.

scarlets · 07/06/2016 20:44

I don't think it's normal or acceptable behaviour, especially not from the one who's very nearly an adult. I can see why the OP is disappointed. Exam stress is no excuse - it's only a couple of hours in a restaurant!

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