Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Family meal out tonight and teens (16 & 13) ruined it [sad]

97 replies

SuperMumNot · 04/06/2016 21:41

DS1 is mid- GCSES and has been working hard. DS2 has exams in the next couple of weeks, so we haven't been away over Half Term.

Neither had plans for tonight so we said would they like to go out for dinner to local restaurant (their choice) and they said yes.

Once we got there and ordered they just proceeded to ruin the evening with stupid silly behaviour:

not being willing to engage in any sensible conversation about anything (DH & I were trying to agree stuff about our summer holiday)
mucking about like toddlers - DS2 snorted laughing into his drink and sprayed it all over me
stupid name-calling to each other the WHOLE time
just constant stupid banter with phrases from YOuTube videos etc
DS2 choosing to deliberately misunderstand everything we said and accusing us of 'hating him'

etc etc

It was honestly the most depressing evening I have ever spent with them. DH was angry and just went silent and I was angry and told them off.
We paid (over £90) and left.

I am honestly so angry and disappointed in them. Is this a phase they reach and come out of again (please...)?

Feel like I want to tell them how ungrateful and out of order they were, but am still too angry.
DH says we should cancel holiday plans.

OP posts:

HeartsofOak · 04/06/2016 23:05

Ungrateful little buggers. Normal, but still not something to tolerate if it ruined the evening for you.

Suggest that you don't do any treats like this for a while. I also don't think it's OTT to reconsider your holiday plans. There's no point if it's just going to wind you up and be unenjoyable.

thecatfromjapan · 04/06/2016 23:06

I also think that this is how children/teens/many adults handle stress: mock bravado/mild hysteria/silliness.

It's not about you: exams scare them.

Also, I think cancelling a holiday is very over the top as a response. I, personally, would go for a chat about expected behaviour and expect it to be taken on board.

The more I think about this, the more I think you sound over-stressed and angry about something.

YippeeTeenager · 04/06/2016 23:10

It's not acceptable but they are still kids and sometimes they get daft, over-excited and inappropriate. That's just teenagers - you have to break a few eggs to make the perfect omelette. If you've told them you're not impressed that's enough, let it go now and move on. Next time you suggest going out make it clear that if they want to join you it's on the understanding that it will be a slightly more sophisticated evening and if they don't think they fancy that then they are welcome to stay home.

thecatfromjapan · 04/06/2016 23:11

Erm ... It was YOU out with YOUR family. When you chastise posters suggesting you show a little understanding towards your children with: 'Well, I hope I never sit next to YOUR family!' can you not see the irony of your response?

Floggingmolly · 04/06/2016 23:14

Op had her night ruined, thecat. Posters telling her it's absolutely normal behaviour and she's over reacting are probably not the one's I'd like to sit beside either.
At least she tried to rein them in.

Original poster

SuperMumNot · 04/06/2016 23:15

We're not seriously going to cancel the holiday...

To be honest I just hate the knock-on effect it has on family relationships.
I've seen them all holed up in their rooms this last week and I understand I need to cut them some slack, but DH less so.
He just sees his credit card being handed over to pay £100 for a stressful meal with a couple of ungrateful spoilt brats. He's been in a foul mood since we came home, so we've all just disappeared into different rooms.

OP posts:

YippeeTeenager · 04/06/2016 23:16

Also DH going silent is very unhelpful. DH trying to divert their silliness by trying to engage them in conversation or start a more appropriate game would be better. We pack a little general knowledge quiz sometimes when we go out with teens and just get it out in emergencies (silent moodiness, brewing strop) just like colouring with toddlers. It gets them engaged, usually sparks other conversation and is great for diffusing tension.

YippeeTeenager · 04/06/2016 23:18

You're not solely responsible for them behaving OP, DH being in a foul mood isn't your problem

LumpySpacedPrincess · 04/06/2016 23:21

It's family money op, not just dh's.

Original poster

SuperMumNot · 04/06/2016 23:23

Oh Lumpy, yes, but don't get me started on that one....

OP posts:

thecatfromjapan · 04/06/2016 23:27

Again, it really isn't about you (or dh). It's not a terrible sign thst you have awful children, or that you've failed as a parent, or that you will never have a great meal out. It's just exam nerves.

Your dh needs to chill.

On the positive side, you took the out for the night and you HAVE reduced their stress levels - though not yours!

It's tough it cost £90 for that but ... It will be OK.

They may look big but teens are still very young and they do handle stress in quite child-like ways.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/06/2016 23:27

See mine have been doing finals and AS's this week, plus youngest is 9 and a bundle of energy and they were fine at dinner. I don't think exam stress is an excuse. Mind you mine mix up their revision with decent breaks, go for a run or to see mates for a couple of hours: they are not head down for 10 hours holed up in your room type kids (and certainly weren't at 13).

Do you think perhaps your kids need to make a conscious effort to destress in other ways?

thecatfromjapan · 04/06/2016 23:30

Yy @ YippeeTeenagers. We have a bundle of conversational topics up our sleeves that we use for distraction. It is EXACTLY like colouring pencils.
I suppose I always assume we're still guiding them towards appropriate behaviour, rather than expecting them to charm and delight us. Though I do think that will come in time. And does now, sometimes, to be fair.

thecatfromjapan · 04/06/2016 23:38

Ok. You think all the posters telling you to relax are wrong.

We say, 'We go out a lot, this happens sometimes.'

You say we're not sensible and imply our children are feral.

Well, why are you posting? So that we'll agree you've raised vile children?

Fine. Have it your way.

BabyGanoush · 04/06/2016 23:38

Cat, I noticed that too

OP, it is a shame, and even mire if a shame your husband acted like a stroppy teen too!

Send them home, or join in with the silliness, but this was just lose-lose.

Sometimes kids are in a silly mood, it happens. Tell them iff there and then.

Your husband was silly for sulking and spoiling your evening IMO.

Kr1stina · 04/06/2016 23:38

So your kids are hyper and silly

And your husband is sulky and in a foul mood

Hmm....equally childish

Kr1stina · 04/06/2016 23:39

Ha ha X posted with baby ganoush

BackforGood · 04/06/2016 23:40

Your dc have the excuse that they are teens, mucking about a bit, whilst getting on with each other (a bonus in my book) at a time when they are probably a bit stressed.
What is your dh's excuse for his poor behaviour ?

velourvoyageur · 04/06/2016 23:40

Jesus christ what a drama, chalk it up to a less than optimal night and move on!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/06/2016 23:44

Do you eat together very often OP? We sit round the table every night (DH and I work from home) so going out for a meal is pretty much like being at home, in terms of chit chat and behaviour. Just with better food.

Are you a bit unused to hanging out together if you all have busy lives?

Doinmummy · 04/06/2016 23:45

If anyone with teens has the time this chap gives a really good insight as to why adolescents act as they do.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=kH-BO1rJXbQ

NickiFury · 04/06/2016 23:47

I don't think it sounds normal at all! You'd not put up with it from a 7 year old why is it ok for teenagers? I would be fuming and made sure they knew about it.

Cherryminx · 04/06/2016 23:51

I have a DS & a DD of similar ages. We don't often go out for meals (too expensive) and sometimes when we do this kind of thing happens.

Its a PITA but I always take heart from the fact that they enjoy each other's company and make each other laugh. From what you have described it doesn't actually sound that bad and have had a much worse experiences with other groups of drunken adult diners shouting at each other in similarly upper market chain restaurants and even exclusive non chain ones .

I would definately say to them, in a quiet not stressed out way, that I was upset about the way they behaved - they might laugh it off but at some level it will sink in. Changing your holiday plans sounds a bit extreme - do you really want to go on a rubbish holiday because your teens were a bit silly in Cafe Rouge?

I imagine they know that they have been dumb but if they haven't better to reinforce it with something more immediate like switching off wifi fo a day than waiting ages to have an unpleasant family holiday.

Mooingcow · 05/06/2016 00:04

I feel sorry for you, OP.

It sounds as though you're being affected by your DH's childish behaviour and you're joining him in his reaction.

Sometimes teenagers are unspeakably silly, so what? They were having a laugh and getting on with each other.

Your DH has got a cob on because the kids left him out of their jokes and he feels peeved that his money was unappreciated.

Your DH wants you to agree they were terrible and their holiday should be cancelled. Why is he sulking and not being the adult?

He should let them know he was disappointed in their behaviour, then move on. Demonstrate adult behaviour.

But I think his ego is bruised and he's making a mountain out of a molehill. One meal, they were silly. So what? They're working for exams, they're getting on with each other, they were having a laugh.

Your DH sounds like he could learn from them.

Halo84 · 05/06/2016 06:58

My children are 20, 19, and 16.

Don't cancel the vacation. Family vacations will soon be a memory for you. Enjoy them even in their silliness.

Flip

1 2 3 4