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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Family meal out tonight and teens (16 & 13) ruined it [sad]

97 replies

SuperMumNot · 04/06/2016 21:41

DS1 is mid- GCSES and has been working hard. DS2 has exams in the next couple of weeks, so we haven't been away over Half Term.

Neither had plans for tonight so we said would they like to go out for dinner to local restaurant (their choice) and they said yes.

Once we got there and ordered they just proceeded to ruin the evening with stupid silly behaviour:

  • not being willing to engage in any sensible conversation about anything (DH & I were trying to agree stuff about our summer holiday)
  • mucking about like toddlers - DS2 snorted laughing into his drink and sprayed it all over me
  • stupid name-calling to each other the WHOLE time
  • just constant stupid banter with phrases from YOuTube videos etc
  • DS2 choosing to deliberately misunderstand everything we said and accusing us of 'hating him'
etc etc

It was honestly the most depressing evening I have ever spent with them. DH was angry and just went silent and I was angry and told them off.
We paid (over £90) and left.

I am honestly so angry and disappointed in them. Is this a phase they reach and come out of again (please...)?

Feel like I want to tell them how ungrateful and out of order they were, but am still too angry.
DH says we should cancel holiday plans.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 04/06/2016 22:28

But may be best not to go on holiday with them. ..pack them off on a supervised pgl type thing instead.

Yourface · 04/06/2016 22:29

They sound like they were being arseholes but not as much as c'estlavie who appears to be sneering at your choice of restaurant.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/06/2016 22:30

Honestly? I have 4 kids between 21 and 9. We eat out a lot. They have never, ever at any age behaved like this. Went out with three of them and DH last night, nothing fancy just Pizza Express. We had lots of chat, lots of jokes and laughs, everyone behaved.

Not saying this to be smug, just that I don't thing it's a big ask for two teenagers to sit at a table and have a nice relaxed enjoyable meal with their parents.

SirChenjin · 04/06/2016 22:35

Neither does the OP Tinkly - which is presumably why she posted

Papergirl1968 · 04/06/2016 22:35

I can't believe all the people on here saying chill out, they were just letting off steam etc. What about the other diners? Has the world gone mad when two kids, one 16, behave worse than toddlers and most of the people on here think it's perfectly OK because they've got exams?
Op, I'd have been furious and sent my dds (very immature 12 and 14 year olds) away from the table for behaving like that. And if or when they were allowed to return to the table, I'd moved their seats so they weren't able to egg each other on.
I'd suggest another meal next weekend, drive to the nearest McDonald's and buy them a happy meal. Then tell them that seeing as they like acting like toddlers, they're being treated like toddlers.

BalloonSlayer · 04/06/2016 22:36

Pretty crap and disappointing but I wouldn't cancel a holiday over it.

Take heart from the two of them at least interacting, albeit stupidly, TOGETHER.

ImperialBlether · 04/06/2016 22:36

It doesn't mean she can't be upset by it, Originalfoogirl.

OP, I remember reading Toddler Taming when my daughter was two. It said something so simple: "Your toddler doesn't behave in the supermarket? Don't take them!" It was such ridiculously simple advice but once I took it, leaving them at home with their dad and shopping in the evening, everything was fine.

I recommend you do the same thing with your kids now. For the next couple of years, go out for meals with friends or your husband. Let them have takeaways. If they can't behave, don't put them in that situation and spare yourself the money and hassle.

[flowers[

princessmi12 · 04/06/2016 22:37

After couple of occasions like this I don't take my teenage dcs out UNLESS THEY WANT TO GO OUT .
They relieved they don't have to attend every outing and I don't feel guilty I live them home and enjoy grown up time without them . Works well for everyone
Teenagers are in their own world

ImperialBlether · 04/06/2016 22:37

Arrgh Flowers!

NoCapes · 04/06/2016 22:38

I don't see how they were 'acting like toddlers' ? They weren't running around, throwing things, fighting or anything particularly disturbing to other people
The OP just didn't approve of their choice of conversation - so yes I do think she needs to chill out
They are teenagers talking about stupid teenage shite - so what?!

Floggingmolly · 04/06/2016 22:38

I don't think it sounds particularly normal. A 10 year old, maybe. 12 at the outside. But a 16 year old acting like a toddler to "let off steam"?

SirChenjin · 04/06/2016 22:39

Princess - the OP explains they wanted to go, it was their choice.

Cordelia1234 · 04/06/2016 22:41

"So it's a chain type place?"...cutting.......cestlavielife

OP...teenagers...expect more of this...and do readjust holiday plans, if they carry on like this.
If they spoilt your evening, they probably spoilt others too.
With younger children I've met lots of parents with teenagers wishing us luck....we can all just hope they improve with age....best of luck

Floggingmolly · 04/06/2016 22:41

Are we only expected to behave properly at non chain restaurants then, cestlavie? What a ridiculous thing to pick up on.

MajesticWhine · 04/06/2016 22:42

I have teenagers who are not very civilised to dine out with. So we don't do it very often, but if there is lots of silly banter between them that DH and I don't understand, I am just glad they are getting on and seem happy.

cestlavielife · 04/06/2016 22:43

No ..I just meant if it's chain restaurant then it's casual and you get children teens groups. .. it s relaxed..so I can't see their behaviour was that bad... teens speak in YouTube banter... so ?
But if it was posh restaurant with silver cutlery with your employer at the next table then clearly behaviour should be better.

Original poster
SuperMumNot · 04/06/2016 22:43

Thank god the sensible brigade have arrived!

Just to clarify:

  • we asked if they wanted to go out, it wasn't a forced family outing or anything
  • they chose the restaurant ( Cafe Rouge - not much choice around here!) (and er... not sure I ever suggested it was a posh meal out?)
  • yes, we often eat out together as a family and they know that we don't expect them to behave like spoilt brats or toddlers

The conversation about the holiday was absolutely involving them as we want to be sure they're in agreement with our ideas/ plans so they can't whinge later.

I also think it's completely reasonable to expect teens to be able to cope with perhaps 90 mins of being with their parents in a restaurant.
I'm quite surprised by how many people think their behaviour was 'normal & acceptable' . I'd have been hacked off if I'd been on the table next to them, so they were being rude and disruptive to other diners.

Anyway I did them I was disappointed with them and to be fair DS1 later made me a cup of tea and apologised ☺️.

OP posts:
Originalfoogirl · 04/06/2016 22:43

ImperialBlether

Of course she can be annoyed at it, but cancelling a holiday is rather OTT.

ohtheholidays · 04/06/2016 22:44

We had this twice OP and it really pissed me and DH off.We have 5DC and it was the 2 oldest that were the worst,I did have a real go at them both times and so did my DH.
It can cost us a lot over £200 to go out for a meal because there's 7 of us.

After the last time me and my DH agreed that next time were not taking the two oldest,they're far to old to act like idiots so they can miss out next time.Hopefully having been told off by us both and missing out on a nice meal out(we're all foodies)should be enough to stop them acting like idiots in the future.

lem73 · 04/06/2016 22:45

I have dcs the same age and they behaved like this a couple of times so we stopped taking them out. They eventually learned their lesson and when we took them out after six months on the bank holiday, they were much better behaved. It's the only way to deal with such behaviour.

Original poster
SuperMumNot · 04/06/2016 22:46

Anyway I did tell them I was disappointed

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 04/06/2016 22:46

I know exactly how Op feels. I am just impressed they got to the restaurant in the first place. My teens can't even agree on where they want to eat with us.

Kr1stina · 04/06/2016 22:47

Next time go out on your own with DH. Let your kids rent a movie and order in a pizza .

Cheaper and more fun for everyone .

Original poster
SuperMumNot · 04/06/2016 23:01

They already do lots of ordering in pizza and movies... The whole point was to get them out of the house.
There's no chance of getting them to come for walks / picnics etc so this seemed like the best alternative ( short walk into town and back)

It wasn't just YouTube banter, they were flicking stuff ( sugar packets etc) at each other across the table and Ds1 waited until DS2 had a mouthful of coke before making a wisecrack which resulted in DS2 choking/ laughing/ spraying his drink everywhere.
When Ds1's meal arrived DS2 told him it 'looked like poo' and started makîng farting noises...

If you still think this is normal and acceptable teen behaviour in ANY restaurant ( chain or orherwise) then I really hope I am never seated next to your family Hmm

OP posts:
thecatfromjapan · 04/06/2016 23:02

We go out once a week. Sometimes, - very rarely - they act like this, usually not. Sometimes, they're extremely quiet. Sometimes, it takes 20 minutes of concerted effort on the part of dh and myself to get them over the hill of the accumulated stressed of the week. But that's why we do it: so that we can all unwind and have a family chat.

It sounds like exam stress, combined with not being used to going out, perhaps.

I honestly, really, think you need to chill. Exam time is stressy. Cut them some slack.