step-son wanting to smoke

[mintmatchmakerz]

Hi,

This is my first post and I was hoping to get some advice.

My step-son is 15. He lives with his mum and step-dad around three hours away from us. We have always had him and his sister every other weekend, with DP driving to pick up on a friday and drop off, usually on Sunday. I had our second baby in early March. Not long before, my SS got a Saturday job and due to the drive, hasn't been able to come up for the weekend since. As next week is half term my DP is doing an extra trip to collect him tomorrow. He has just sent DP a message saying "can I smoke at your house or do I have to hide it?". Obviously we were never going to say yes, but he is essentially saying he'll be going ahead regardless of what we say. I have a feeling this is him looking for attention, or possibly some sort of reaction from DP. My DP is upset than rather than him wanting to meet his new brother, his visit has become about this. I think that may actually be the point. I'm just not sure how best to handle this. Having him live so far away means we don't have much influence over his upbringing.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

I'd be inclined to basically not make an issue of it and ignore it. Send a message back - "no, we don't want anyone smoking around the baby". It'll take the wind out of his sails a bit that you aren't jumping up and down about him being underage and putting sanctions on him. He's doing it for effect.

He's 15, he's going to do it anyway.

Ring his mum before answering him anyway to see if she even knows he smokes.

If she does and it's all above board answer "I've talked to your mum about it. Bottom of the garden only , there's a baby in this house"

Let's see how many fags he actually gets through when he has to go outside every time.

No need to hide anything from us, however no smoking inside the house. If you wish to smoke in the garden then fine as long as (1) not one else out there and (2) you clean up after yourself.

Oh and I'll show you how to work the washing machine - your clothes will reek of smoke otherwise.

Bottom of the garden or 100m downwind, well away from other houses. Raining? Tough. Outdoor clothes left outside because they will stink.

Oh, and buy your own. Where from?

I read there is a link to cot death and smoking left on clothes - my friend always makes her mother in law change her top before she goes anywhere near her 4 month old baby. Just doesn't want the risk...you could tell him that that before he enters the house again, he has to change his top?