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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

I still buy all of DS 16's clothes. Is this unusual or do a lot of others still buy clothes for DCs?

74 replies

clothesforteenDS · 18/05/2016 15:25

DS has never been particularly interested in fashion. I have been buying his clothes for him since he was a baby. He never quibbles about anything I buy for him, and I don't mind as he is happy to wear cheap brands. I just buy things that I think look nice on him - I honestly don't know what brands are thought of as trendy or not. He loathes clothes shopping and says he finds it stressful. I realise I can't keep buying his stuff forever as it would be weird. Wondered if anyone else still buys their DC's clothes? Or if they buy for themselves, at what age did they start?

OP posts:

SauvignonBlanche · 22/05/2016 14:20

DS is 19 and at Uni and I still buy his clothes.
He hates shopping and has no interest in fashion. I disagree that children need to practice this skill but think that they do need to know how do it if required.

DS, who has AS has had to shop for himself as in self-catered halls and the thing I was most impressed about during his first year was to hear he'd bought himself a new pair of trousers when his split.

I'm a bit about the 'making a rod for some poor woman's back' comments.

achangeisgonnacome · 22/05/2016 14:55

My DS 18 also has no interest in fashion nor to choose the clothes himself.

He wears a uniform of tshirt, with a shirt or jumper over it, jeans and either converse or brogue type shoes depending if he's meant to be somewhere smart.

Every so often he asks if I can buy him some more clothes, and I usually go I to TopMan (where jeans fit him best) and pick up a lot of items and he chooses what he likes. He just can't be bothered to go himself.

I had a conversation a few weeks back where I said he may want to spend some of his weekend job money on clothes. He said he didn't see the point. He is aware that once hes left school that'll be it, I will not be doing it so we'll see what happens then.

BertrandRussell · 22/05/2016 17:01

"I'm a bit hmm about the 'making a rod for some poor woman's back' comments."

Why?

SauvignonBlanche · 22/05/2016 17:09

"I'm a bit hmm about the 'making a rod for some poor woman's back' comments."

Why? It's the assumption that all the teenage boys in question are going to enter into a relationship with a woman and the assumption that they are going to go into a relationship straight from the family home.

Whilst my DS, amongst many other teenage boys, hates clothes shopping it shouldn't be assumed that that means they are either incapable of doing it for themselves, if needs be or would always get someone else to do it for them in the future.

dementedma · 22/05/2016 17:09

Ds is 14 and can occasionally be dragged to the supermarket for t-shirts . I just buy socks, pants and joggers the rest of the time.
He is only fussy about footwear and has huge feet, so has to come and try those on.

BertrandRussell · 22/05/2016 17:13

"Whilst my DS, amongst many other teenage boys, hates clothes shopping it shouldn't be assumed that that means they are either incapable of doing it for themselves, if needs be or would always get someone else to do it for them in the future."

Why wouldn't one assume that? If they are incapable of taking responsibility for looking after themselves at the age of 19/20, why are they suddenly going to start doing it at 21?

I didn't post the "rod for some poor woman's back"", I only C&Pd it. Happy to replace "woman" with "person"

Sparklingbrook · 22/05/2016 17:18

Buying clothes isn't difficult. If boys get to late teens and have never done it before I am sure they can work out what to do.

SauvignonBlanche · 22/05/2016 17:20

Why wouldn't one assume that? If they are incapable of taking responsibility for looking after themselves at the age of 19/20, why are they suddenly going to start doing it at 21?

If you'd read my posts you'd have seen that I gave an example of how whilst my DS does not like buying clothes he has demonstrated that he is capable of doing so independently.

There's a vast difference between not wanting to do something and being incapable of doing so.

BertrandRussell · 22/05/2016 17:24

I'm sure the many men on the relationship board who expect to be cooked, cleaned and shopped for are perfectly capable of doing it too........but the expectation that someone else does it for them is deeply ingrained.

SaveSomeSpendSome · 22/05/2016 17:24

I would love it if dd didnt mind what she wore!

She is 3! And is very fussy about her clothes.

She moans like crazy if i buy something and she doesnt like it. Its a nightmare. Clothes have to match and if she thinks they dont match she complains all bloody day if i have made her wear them!

Shes even very fussy about her bloody knickers!!

I just wish she would put on what ever i buy and not made a fuss. If i make her wear something she doesnt like she moans about it all day long and asks time and time again if she can take it off and wear something else.

SauvignonBlanche · 22/05/2016 17:27

Exactly Sparkling, these teenagers are highly unlikely to remain naked until some woman with a rod up her spine takes pity on them.

Suggesting that these children who are happy for their mothers to buy their clothes are all going to grow up to be abusers is insulting at best.

Sparklingbrook · 22/05/2016 17:28

Well just because you expect something doesn't mean it will happen. They have a choice of doing clothes shopping or having no new clothes. Simple.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 22/05/2016 17:32

DS2 bought himself a t-shirt from Amazon.

Another reason i tend to buy is that we are generally on a budget and I can get a better bargain than they can, they are learning though. It's also better for me when I order on-line to order what every body needs to make it worth the postage. If we lived somewhere with loads of shops it might be different and easier just to give them cash and send them on their way.

MadisonMontgomery · 22/05/2016 17:37

Fair enough if they aren't that interested in clothes, but it might be good to show them how to pick clothes that are good quality, how to dress for different occasions and put outfits together etc.

CointreauVersial · 22/05/2016 17:41

I certainly pay for DS's clothes! He's in no hurry for that to change. But I wouldn't dare choose things without him.

Unfortunately he hates shopping so it's always a struggle getting stuff for him. I have been known to text him photos of potential items but he's always short of jeans/shorts, which really need trying on before purchase.

He's also a bit fond of labels, so the clothes he aspires to aren't always within my budget. But he's happy with stuff from Zara, TopMan and H&M which are OK. And he's recently discovered the delights of eBay for second-hand hoodies etc.

intravenouscoffee · 22/05/2016 17:47

MIL bought DH's clothes at that age. Wasn't a rod for my back - I'm certainly not buying his clothes for him so he managed to work out how to for himself

DBro would have rather died than have our mum buy his clothes past the age of about 13. Horses for courses innit?

charliethebear · 22/05/2016 18:04

My bfs mum bought his clothes till he was about 20, when he finally realised it had to stop because she had terrible taste. I went to topshop with him once and it was like a light bulb moment for him when he realised he could buy nice clothes.
You'll all be pleased to know he buys all his own clothes now, without having to be taught, despite his mum popping in with underwear and socks

BertrandRussell · 22/05/2016 18:07

"Suggesting that these children who are happy for their mothers to buy their clothes are all going to grow up to be abusers is insulting at best."

Eh?

Floralnomad · 22/05/2016 18:07

My DS wasn't interested until he got a retail job at 17 and he's done all his own choosing since then , prior to that clothes were bought by me ,my mum and my sister - I bought basics and they kitted him out in animal / bench /. Ted baker and the like .

228agreenend · 22/05/2016 19:10

Now I'm feeling guilty. Must ordered some clothes of M and M direct because dis said all his tops were dark and he wanted something brighter. Note to self, take ds shopping in future for clothes. We will have to buy him a suit soon for six form, does that count?

Ds2 is more fashion aware.

Actually, they have been given so many times shirts,for birthdays and Christmas that I don't actually have to get that many. Also, ds1 has stopped growing, somthat makes it easier.

BlueberrySky · 22/05/2016 20:07

I buy DS (18) clothes. He has no interest in fashion or shopping. He has very few clothes and tends to wear the same most days.

I also used to choose his fathers clothes. Stopped that when we got divorced. He now buys his own and looks a state.

I think that you either care about clothes or you do not. You can not teach someone to like shopping and choosing clothes.

DD (14) loves clothes shopping and enjoys choosing her clothes.

Baconyum · 22/05/2016 20:14

"I'm sure the many men on the relationship board who expect to be cooked, cleaned and shopped for are perfectly capable of doing it too........but the expectation that someone else does it for them is deeply ingrained."

It's not about capable or abuse, its about making them think it's someone else's (a woman's!) job and such a boring mundane task is beneath them! It's also letting them find their own style, learn about quality, sticking to a budget etc!

My sisters ex never spent LESS than £50 on a T SHIRT even when on benefits yet moaned he'd not enough clothes!

frenchfancy · 22/05/2016 20:16

Clothes allowance from 16 here.

I think the poster who said "He just can't be bothered to go himself. " sums it up. There are lots of things that teens can't be bothered to do themselves - it doesn't mean we should do it for them. DD often can't be bothered to wash her hair or do her homework - I'm certainly not doing it for her.

If they look a state - so what that is their choice. They need to find their own identity and clothes are part of that - even if it means buying 7 of the same black t-shirt. Their identity, their choice.

I agree with those saying that it is making a rod for some poor woman's back in the future - it is a feminist issue. How many Dads are still buying their 16 yr old DDs clothes?

Helmetbymidnight · 22/05/2016 20:21

Ds doesn't like shopping and isn't interested in clothes (and not because he's interested in greater things sadly!)
Fortunately for us, there is this thing called the Internet ;) he picks, I quibble over price and pay (sometimes) with his contributions.

cressetmama · 22/05/2016 20:44

DS (almost 17) has Opinions on clothing. Not always the same as mine, but he has to wear them so I shut up. School uniform and most sports/ski gear is paid for, as is outerwear. T-shirts and hoodies are his choice. Anything frivolous is his buy, but I chip in 50% for stuff in the middle zone.

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