Seriously monosyllabic 15yr old ds

[pasanda]

Trying to get a conversation out of my just 15 yr old ds is bloody impossible these days!

I know, I know, teenagers are renowned for this, but I'm not joking, all I get is 'I don't know', 'I don't care' or nothing. Even if I say something chatty to him (in the hope he might converse) all I get is a sarcastic 'cool' or 'great'. No interaction at all!

He had a big party at last weekend for his 15th and seeing as we hosted, cleared out lots of rooms, laid on food, mopped up sick etc etc, I would have liked just a tiny bit of feedback. But no. When I asked what was said at school about the party (bearing in mind 60 of his friends attended) I got 'yeah it was good'.

I just want to shake him and tell him to WAKE UP and have some passion for something, anything.....

Please, please, tell me that he isn't destined to be like this as an adult. I keep looking back and fondly remembering my 9 year old cub scout, who would do anything to stay in the kitchen and have a late night just so he could chat to us for ages

He'll come out of this phase. All the grunters do eventually! My friend's son was like this for about 5 years. We would call round and she would have to prompt him to even say "Hello" - then one day when he was about 18 we went round for dinner and he initiated a complete conversation with me - I was gobsmacked. He's 25 now and still full of chat!

Hang on in there. I am hoping this phase is coming to an end. My DS is 18 and I guess he started being grumpy around 15. I think it is their way of detaching from parents. It's a difficult time, years of exams and pressure at school, trying to decide what they are going to do with their life. The fact that you were cool enough to have a party at home for 60 is a compliment in a way and it's great that he has plenty of friends. I am hoping my happy, chatty son reappears soon, but I'm not holding my breath as friends have told me it can last into their 20s. The only advice I would give is to try not to criticise them unless their behaviour is really unacceptable and pick your arguments carefully. Be grateful if they stay out of drink, drugs etc. It will get better, I hope!

I have one of these too. DS16 has been monosyllabic since he was 13, and isn't showing any sign of changing yet.
He was such a chatty little boy, I miss that.

It worries me that he's unhappy, he just looks miserable most of the time; he says he's "fine"!
He's a lovely boy, polite and kind, just doesn't speak unless he has to. The only exception is the way he interacts with our pets, he's like a different person with them, so it's still 'in there', I'm hoping and will re-emerge sometime.

sounds like you try too hard to please him, to be in HIS favour

you lay on the party, allow them to drink, mop up their sick for them (I would bloody well not!) and ask if all his friends approved of the party you laid on....

This way he isn't going to respect you, is he?

You need to get him more involved in mopping up (sick or just floors), cleaning up, and cooking etc. rather than courting his approval.

Sorry if that is harsh!

I think some modern day parents are more concerned about their teenager's popularity than whether they are respectful/polite.

Pull him up on his rudeness, tell him he is rude by not responding to someone making conversation.

Thanks for your comments. It's silly really because I know that so many teenagers go through this phase, why they do it and not to take it personally. I've read so many books on 'teenagers' I've lost count

3cats - yes to worrying that he is unhappy. He has, in the past, suffered from depression, self harmed and a year ago took an overdose, so I sometimes find it hard to know whether it is about these issues, or he is just being a normal teen.

Baby - he did mop up his own sick the next day Him having the party was not about trying to please him I don't think. I suppose I do want him to have friends, have fun and be popular, maybe because last year he was anything but this. But you're right, it's not all about that and he does need to be polite to me in the meantime.

He is what I call a closed book and sometimes he's bloody hard to read!

I've come and here and was just about to post a very similar thing! I feel like I have lost my lovely little boy too and instead have a monosyllabic 14 year old. I know everyone says that they go through this phase, I was just hoping that my boy would be the exception! I ask if he is alright too and he just grunts back, "yeah fine" as if that was a stupid thing to ask. Trouble is if he wont talk to me, how do I know if he really is ok? Luckily he seems to get on well with his dad, and all the teachers at school have good things to say, so I guess he is ok. I just miss my little buddy.

He'll come back, Tumpy

They definitely come back - but god, the frustration in the meantime is hideous. What has helped me though is bonding over TV shows - a love of telly is pretty much the only thing I have in common with teenage boys, I've worked out. So we watched The Night Manager together, we watched Homeland together - and some which I wouldn't necessarily have chosen. But it gives us a least a bit of a common interest, so once we're discussing that it's easier to move on to other things.

And also make your questions quite specific - so not "How was school?" but "What did you do in History?". I spent an insane amount of time trying to come up with questions that couldn't be answered with yes/no/fine/whatever :o. And also - yes, when they are monosyllabic to the point of rudeness, call them on it. It's not acceptable behaviour; they have to learn how to converse with people.

My boy is coming back slowly. We have our best conversations in the car when I am driving and I can't look directly at him. On a drive to Wales, we spoke for an hour and a half before the headphones went on! He's still very monosyllabic with the rest of the family lay but he is coming back!

You are definitely NOT alone.

I'm just amazed at how many ways DS (15) can actually say "Uh-huh"

Because that's virtually all I get out of him. Just "Uh-huh" with a slightly different inflection to suit

It's normal, don't worry

Try sitting next to him or lying next to him on his bed and talking about general stuff, he might open up.

The word of the year round here is 'good'. Closely followed by 'yeah' or 'stop'.