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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Checking Teenager's Bags

26 replies

NotEnoughTime · 14/05/2016 14:53

I met a friend of mine yesterday and she was telling me that her daughter (14) is going to a 15th birthday party this evening. The kids have all been told that their bags will be checked on the way in for vodka disguised in water bottles

Do you think this is a good idea or do you think it is a "violation of their rights" for want of a better phrase?

I'm always reading about teenage parties and I know how difficult it must be to police them.

Obviously there is also a big difference between 14/15 year olds and 17/18 year olds so I guess you wouldn't do it at an older teenager's party.

I would be really grateful for your opinions Smile

OP posts:
Hassled · 14/05/2016 15:02

Oh I don't know - on the one hand it's probably very sensible. On the other hand it is a bit much, isn't it? I can't decide. I sort of think that teenagers are going to experiment with alcohol at some stage and probably better they do it in a safe environment - someone's house - than the local park where they're far more vulnerable. But then again that's fine as long as it's not my house :o.

claraschu · 14/05/2016 15:12

If the party is at all rural, teenagers stick their hard liquor through a gap in the front fence or under a shrub or something, so checking bags doesn't really help the problem; maybe it makes life more exciting for them though. Oh and they also decant other clear liquids into water bottles.

Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 14/05/2016 15:16

Grin Hassled

Oooh, teenagers can be really sneaky clarachu I never would have thought of that!

OP posts:
BatFacedGrrl · 14/05/2016 15:18

Parenting isn't a violation of a child's rights ...

I attempt the same with my almost 18 year old daughter. She just humours me Hmm

With a 15 year old though, I'd be making quite sure there was no alcohol being sneaked in as far as I could.

bigTillyMint · 14/05/2016 15:25

Their house, their rules. I would have no problem with it, but I think the teens would find other ways to smuggle booze in.

Balletgirlmum · 14/05/2016 15:28

I agree, their house, their rules. As long as they are informed in advance they can choose whether or not to attend.

You get your bag searched in schools, going into theatres, football matches, all kinds of places these days. They need to get used to it.

Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 14/05/2016 15:46

BatFaced I agree parenting isn't a violation of a child's rights but does that only mean your own child? I don't know.

bigTillyMint I wouldn't have a problem with it either but don't know if I would be able to do it if I was hosting.

OP posts:
Spam88 · 14/05/2016 17:28

I don't think it's unreasonable, and they've been given advance notice so they can make sure there's nothing embarassing in their bags :p

To be honest though, if they want to drink they'll find a way and at that age you're probably better off just accepting it. At one of my friends' 15th party we were allowed one alcopop each (and someone did sneak in about a shots worth of Archers - cheeky).

Clare1971 · 14/05/2016 20:09

Sounds a good idea to me. They've been warned before hand so they've got the choice of not liking it. Of course there will be attempts to sneak alcohol in but this is bound to reduce the amount they have access to. I wouldn't be prepared to be responsible for a group of drunk 14/15 year olds and presumably the child who's party it is has accepted it (and may even be relieved).

Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 14/05/2016 22:14

That's true Clare1971

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 14/05/2016 22:19

At 14/15 it seems v sensible to me.

FuzzyOwl · 14/05/2016 22:20

It's no different to being searched going into a club, gallery or arena. It is something they know will happen so will hopefully be sensible enough not to waste their money on alcohol that will be just taken off them if they want to enter somebody else's house. As said: their house, their rules.

How would your friend feel if they got a call in the middle of the night to say their daughter was in intensive care through excessive alcohol consumption and wasn't expected to live. I know it is an unlikely worst case scenario, but I bet you they would blame the other parents for not parenting then!

eightbluebirds · 14/05/2016 22:27

It's fine. At 14/15 anyway. Parties aren't compulsory. If a teen doesn't want their bag checking they can turn around and leave. Even at 18+ I've had my bags checked going into clubs so they better get used to it!

slgsue1979 · 15/05/2016 12:04

I agree with FuzzyOwl no difference to going to Disneyland they check all bags of the way in though admittedly for different reasons! Prior notice has been given so if they didn't like it then they shouldn't go.
Personally I think it's a good idea though teens will be teens and likely find a way!

corythatwas · 15/05/2016 12:32

They use to check bags in the British Museum, don't know if they still do. The museum visitors never looked very violated; they knew it was about keeping them safe. So is this rule.

When you fly abroad they even check your shoes.

I would be more inclined to argue that sneaking alcohol into the house of a family that doesn't want it there is a violation of their rights. I don't think any family has the responsibility of providing a safe place for other teens to puke their vodka up in.

I do not allow smoking in this house. Anyone who lights up will be asked to leave. That is not a violation of their rights, just a recognition of the fact that this is my house. I also do not allow underage consumption of spirits. Again, my house. If that means my teens choose not to throw parties, that is not my problem.

Teens who whine about violation of rights tend to know very little about what adult life is really like.

MrsJayy · 15/05/2016 12:42

With rights come responsibility banging on about their rights while they might be smuggiling in vodka is a contradiction imo the parents dont want pissed kids to deal with so checking bags is a reasonable thing to do

pasanda · 15/05/2016 15:22

Having just last night hosted a 15th birthday party for 60, I now wish I had done more bag searching. I would have found the bottle of gin, and the bottle of pimms I found in one of the fields this morning, and 3 of the kids would not have got quite so paralytic!

You live and learn...Grin

ArgyMargy · 15/05/2016 15:39

At least they're trying. Many parents seem to be providing spirits at parties for 15/16 year olds.

HSMMaCM · 16/05/2016 07:30

DD went to a party where bags were checked. Everyone was fine with it. Alcohol was smuggled in down bras, the back of pants, etc Sad. She was shocked. You should certainly find the bottle that someone snuck out of a parents drink cupboard though.

Original poster
NotEnoughTime · 16/05/2016 15:08

Thanks again everyone Smile

passadra have just read your thread-you are a braver woman than me Grin Hope your DS has recovered.

OP posts:
BabyGanoush · 18/05/2016 20:46

We have to be super strict.

DH is a teacher, imagine if word got out that everyone got pissed at Mr. B's house.😱

My teens will have to put up with being teachers' kids.

By the way: Why is everyone so afraid to parent other people's children these days?

exWifebeginsat40 · 18/05/2016 20:49

it sounds better than the party my DD15 went to where the parents asked for a donation of £5 from them for a giant bottle of vodka.

predictably, the party ended early when ambulances were called for two unconscious teenage girls. one of them was my DD.

BeachysSandyFlipFlops · 18/05/2016 20:53

God, that's awful, your poor DD.

We send dd1 who's 19 to check the 15 year old son parties out and she's allowed to confiscate any vodka she finds, which she does with relish Smile

ToadsforJustice · 18/05/2016 20:54

It's not the vodka hidden in water bottles you have to worry about, it's the Bacardi in the coke! bitter experience

Hulababy · 18/05/2016 21:04

They have been told about it so don;t think it is a "violation of their rights" tbh. They have a choice - go and have their bag checked, or don't go.