DS friends

[Kazzia]

My DS (14) seems happy enough. He knows lots of people through school and being sporty. Last summer he spent a few days going out with groups of teens, mainly girls but he isn't really into having a "girlfriend", just friends who are girls. But he doesn't really seem to have a best mate or any really close friends.

During the hols he has done quite a few organised sports things with his teams but otherwise has not really seen anyone and even though I have told him he could have someone round or I'd give him to money to go out with, he hasn't really got anywhere with organising anything.

I was chatting with some other mums I know recently and their DS seems to have "go to" friends who they will choose to hang out with and call round for and it made me wonder about my DS.

How is it for your DS?

My youngest is 14 now. I think that's pretty normal, tbh. None of mine have every 'hung' with people outside of school much, before they got to 6h form age. School is school and then they do other activities (sports, Scout stuff) at the weekends and evenings. It's just an age when nobody gets round to organising meet ups, IME.

Anyone else?

I suppose I'm a bit anxious about it as I went to a school miles from my own home and spent lots of time alone as a child but thought that I was a bit unusual. We moved here a few years ago and live only 15 mins walk from school so I was looking forward to him having local mates that he go around with but doesn't really seem to have happened.

Sounds perfectly normal and he is very young. But if you want to speed things up try to get to know a few other parents of his crowd and organise for them to come round. Or vice versa but without the teens knowing you have organised it. They hate us organising their social life at 14 but boys in particular are bad at taking the iniative to invite friends round. Find a way to do it behind their back and tell a few white lies. I still have to do this for DS 17 who has lots of pals but is very shy.

Does he have a phone - is he talking to his friends on there? I have a DD who at just 15 now is slightly more sociable...
But a while ago - maybe last summer or it might have been Easter - spent 9 days straight in the house during the holidays without venturing out once. She was chatting with people on her phone - but still 9 days ...and on the 10th day I forced her to come to the supermarket as I thought she was going to suffer Vit D deficiency or become incapable of dressing in anything more complex than loungewear (PJs!!!) ....at least yours is out and about doing sports....

9straight days in the house- that just sums up our teenagers! My DS would think that was heaven if I let him do that. I am always forcing him out. But they are a different species from us.

My ds is almost 17 and I can't remember the last time he had a friend over! In the last couple of years I can remember maybe two visits he has made to friends houses, and only a couple of events hes been to. He's never really been that bothered about socializing, tends to think that other people should visit him rather than getting off his bum and putting any effort in himself. In the holidays he happily spends many days doing very little. However he has lots of people he socializes with online and is definitely not lonely.

OP if your ds seems happy and he has things going on on his life (which it sounds like he does with multiple sports teams involved) then I'd really not worry too much.

I have a 15 year old ds, he never has any friends over or visits anyone either other than his girlfriend. I too was worried but I think it's a generation thing tbh. They talk via social media. I'm sure your ds is the same.

Also have 16 yo DS who never socialises. Rarely leaves the house....I keep wondering when it will change.....

Same with mine - this thread is v reassuring! I compare with a friend's teens who are a few years ahead and who.were always socialising. My DS just isn't like that either.

I dislike the must have best friend - much better have a few and be flexible - saves so many issues later in. (I do worry this is the BFF messages they get from American TV!!!)

DD has a circle of friends she spends time with - sometimes one somethings a group -

You're over thinking it.

As thatcoldfeeling said - very reassuring thread.

He has got a phone and is on the usual social networks although he spends a lot of time at home watching You Tube or looking online for football boots. Still at least (as far as I know) he's not spending the whole time watching porn.

I suppose I just found it a bit disconcerting when some of my mum friends said "I never see X in the hols - he goes out in the morning and comes back after dinner".

Ds is nearly 15 and is the same. Sees lots of people through sports he does during the week and walks to school with mates and seems to be fine with his mates at school but doesn't see them at weekends.

He says there's lots of parties with drinking and smoking and he doesn't want to put himself in a situation where he can't say no. He doesn't want to smoke as his sport would be affected ( I'm grateful for that!)

I was always out at his age but he seems completely different so I'm leaving him to it as he seems happy.

Yes Diazepam my DS 17 won't go to parties. He hates the thought of being pressured to drink or smoke weed. I encourage him to go and just relax without that stuff but he would rather stay in. I'm sure once he leaves school he will go out more. I live in hope of him finding a nice GF to shake him up a bit. At least he does Venture Scouts, not completely hopeless though my DM, DD and DS think he's a Kevin.