Arghhhh!! How do I talk to Ds without nagging?!?!

[HiccupHaddockHorrendous]

Everything that comes out of my mouth sounds like I'm nagging or at least that's the way it's interpreted. I'm so fed up of it and so is Ds, I assume!
I've tried letting the smaller stuff go. I've ranted. I've also tried humour and sarcasm but everything I try is met with an eye roll which results in me either taking myself off to bed so I don't rant at him or I stay down and rant!!!
I can't cope with another 4 years of this!!

I can't offer a solution but I can empathise. My oldest son is 23 and to him I am the worst mother on the planet because all I've done is rant and nag. Mainly this was about getting a job in college hols. I wish now I'd done things differently. I've posted another threat here hecause the situ has got out of hand with him. Just try to stay calm and try to see things from their pov.

Stop moaning and nagging and just start not doing X until he does Y.

Stop moaning about clothes on the floor, let him do his own washing.

Stop moaning about plates under the bed, don't cook for him until all the crockery is returned to the kitchen and cleaned ready for use again.

Etc etc.

No idea but you have my sympathy - if I ask 'nicely' it is considered shouting.

A simple request such as 'please put your laundry in the washing basked' is considered nagging.

Last night I naively believed my 15 year old when he said he had unpacked his stuff after a weekend away - just visited his pit room and found a full holdall of dirty washing.

What are you asking her to do? What are you saying to her?

I have to agree with Doreen. I bore myself with nagging some days. I've adopted the same approach where I just let the dirty clothes fester and they eventually cave in and bring it down when they run out. Totally have to bite my tongue tho

Thanks for the replies
One of my bugbears is him leaving stuff all over the sitting room eg clothes, blankets, various shoes, plates, cups, PlayStation stuff.
I'm a childminder and you walk straight into this room from the front door. It has to be tidy and ready for the children 4 days a week so leaving it until he does it of his own accord is not an option.
I leave his bedroom to him. I never comment on it and to be fair to him, he doesn't take plates/cups up there because they're all over the sitting room !
Last week, I left him a list of jobs to do while I took my childminded children out. When I came home, he'd completed it and had even vacuumed (wasn't on the list!).
However, I left another list on Tuesday which was totally ignored.
In protest this morning and without warning (probably unreasonably), I switched the router off at 11am. Approx 15 minutes later he surfaced from his room and has now made a start on the list. However, he has barely uttered a word to me and 'the face' has returned.
Thanks for the sympathy. This has been getting me down for the last few weeks and the thought of this being our life from now on is making me miserable.