Teen son smoking

[Question222]

Have recently found out that 18 year old Ds is quite a heavy cigarette smoker, having started socially and all of his friends also do. Has anyone else had similar experiences with their sons. Although he doesn't smoke in the house, he has started smoking in the garden since I found out.

18 is an adult, not a lot you can do about it really. If you don't want him smoking in the house/garden, just tell him not to. In my experience, telling him to quit won't make him stop, he has to want to himself. (I smoked for 20 years until my asthma nearly killed me, then I really wanted to stop, so I did).

It's up to you whether you want to ban him from smoking in the garden but there isn't much more you can do I don't think. I'd be surprised if it's that heavy if you've only just found out.

nothing to be done, except remind him to make himself a bin for the turd-ends and ash to avoid a mess.

smoking outside away from the house (and hopefully not near neighbouring windows) is the way to do it.

he must know the risks. Oh, and as he clearly has money to burn, stop giving him any more.

Well, I realise it is not great but as DH is a smoker, I now feel that there is nothing we can say without being hypocrites. He now has permission to smoke inside as his father does anyway and would be wrong to tell him to do one thing and allow another. He smokes about 10 a day now, and works full time as a builder where most of the others smoke. Do you think I should just leave the situation as it is?

Wee update, he is now smoking 20-25 cigarettes a day. Annoyed DH (41) is still smoking and actually encourages him and younger DS's to smoke because it's "cool and laddish". Really gutted he has not been able to curb the habit but is now even smoking in the house against my wishes. DS2 (15) and DS3 (14) have both also followed his example and it seems our home has become a through fare for smoking. I feel it now smells like a constant ashtray, especially as 3 DBILs (DH's brothers aged, 39, 34 and 29) are constantly around to watch football or for a few beers with DH and my boys and all are heavy smokers.

Was annoyed to find DH is actually funding the younger boys habit and they feel no guilt in lighting up. They are also all in the habit of having a beer with their meal every night (again bought by dad) and regularly (2/3 times a week) enjoying 3/4 more beers in front of the footy.

From a non smoker it's not great but I'm outnumbered. Was at bingo with my DM last weekend and walked in on a "lads" pool night to see DH, DS's, DBILs, and friends enjoying beers, cigars, and fags. The language was appaling. All regularly using the f and c word through conversation and DH encouraging the sons laddish and derogatory jokes I could hear even though I sat in the next room Ashamed.

We found out our 15 yr old son is smoking and I was devastated. He suffered from numerous chest infections and croup when he was small. I thought of all those trips to hospital and nights sat up in steamy bathrooms and he bloody starts on the fags! We had hoped he'd give up but my partner caught him at 730 am walking to the school bus along the road we live in, bold as brass, smoking a benson and hedges. We had a big discussion and as a result bought him a Vaper on the condition he doesn't walk around the streets using it and doesn't return to the fags. I can't quite believe we're in this position and I hope I'm not making it worse but we just didn't know what else to do. He's nearly 16 (next week).

Mind me asking? How did you find out he smoked, and do any of his friends smoke either daily or socially.

Style232 - wasn't sure if your question was for me or the OP but in our case - we found papers and tobacco in his room and also smelt it on him. We confronted him and he admitted it. Yes, it seems a few of his friends smoke too.

My nearly 17 year old smokes. I can smell it on his clothes. I think at the moment it's cool as his mates do it.

Don't know how he funds it as he hasn't got a job and apart from £5 off his grandma every weekend he has no money.

We're a VERY no smoking family and he knows we all hate it. It's definitely peer pressure and I'm hoping he sees sense soon!

I've stopped giving my 14 year old any money. I've also told him to expect to always be skint if he gets addicted.
It hasn't stopped him though 😖

Wow, op. Was your husband always like this?

I would move out for the smell alone.

I think your DH might be enjoying sharing this with his son, and DS enjoying sharing it with his dad. A bonding kind of thing. I remember when my dad found out I smoked and he was happy because he'd had to hide that he smoked for years (mum didn't want me knowing) and he loved being able to have a ciggie and a chat with me. (This was 20+ years ago, though, when smoking wasn't so much of a taboo)

Smoking's not great, but there are worse things he could be doing. He'all quit when he wants to. That's the thing about smoking - can't quit unless you want to quit.

I don't have any advice but can commiserate. I would be very disappointed if my DS started smoking. My DH is a heavy smoker and would not allow DS to smoke in his presence (DH smokes in the garden only).

Came downstairs this morning to have breakfast, DH and three DSs all sitting around the table fag in hand, am I unreasonable to say anything. I actually had DS3s best friends mum on phone saying he has been giving his pals cigarettes and encouraging them to start as well.

DH also informed me that they are having a lads "cigar and beers" night on Friday and I might want to go out for the evening because the conversation/jokes etc will be very laddish and may offend me!! Should I just go out and leave them to it. Feel outnumbered and a "kill joy" anyone else's DH allow kids to smoke??