16 year old dresses like a hooker

[MrsMiniver]

Not all the time but when she goes to parties and clubs (for the under 18s). I have no problems with her, she's doing really well at school, her friends seem ok and we can talk openly about most things. But when she goes on a big night out, everything is on display - tight, micro-short skirts and very low-cut tops. She's got a curvaceous figure and not much is left to the imagination.

She wants my opinion on what she wears and that's great but when she showed me her latest outfit I had to be honest and I told her she didn't look her usual classy self and I was concerned that she'd be attracting the wrong sort of attention. I know she wants my approval so maybe this is enough? Or should I be firmer and not allow her out unless she covers up more?

This is not a nice thread

Yup ^

If you happen to have a 16 year old whose clothes you approve of, you are deluding yourself if you think it is because of your "training"
Perhaps my dd just had excellent taste. And valued herself highly.

Perhaps my dd just had excellent taste. And valued herself highly.

Perhaps she did - good for her.

I am amazed at a woman who actually had a 16 year old being so judgmental of another mother though.

Do you know many of your daughter's friends or their mothers? Do they all have excellent taste and value themselves highly? No problem kids at all?

how unusual.

Most of us who have teens - even good, nice, lovely, teens have known enough other mums or teens not to judge and to realise that this is a hard phase and good child rearing practices don't always give the expected result.

I always thought having a teen had the flip side of giving you understanding of other families' struggles and that you can't control everything. apparently not.

Oh my. You mean I don't meet your standards? Gosh, I'm hurt. I doubt I'll recover from that one.

What are you on about timelytess? My standards about what?

This is a discussion about how we talk/deal with teenagers.

You seemed fairly certain that you had trained your 16 year old and got a good result.

I was pointing out it was a more inexact science for many other parents. I didn't attack your "standards" - it would have been hard to do so as you didn't say what they were.

Nor did i give any of my own other than saying, in essence, that with teens, as with most of life, I think it is helpful to do your best but remember "there but for the grace of god go I". I suppose if those are my "standards" as you say, then yes, you didn't meet them - now that you make me think about it. But I would have no expectation of you caring about that.

Aww to be young again and be able to go out half dressed and not feel the cold.

Kennington thanks for the wise words. It takes a while to realise you don't like being cold but it'll sink in eventually.

I'm sorry if I caused anyone offence by using the word "hooker" and maybe it was a bit thoughtless. Timelytess I'm pleased for you that you have such a saintly daughter but I suggest you leave your pulpit now and go away.

And why is this not a nice thread, because I used the word hooker? Bloody hell.

I only have DSs so I will never know what a 16 year old DD of mine would be wearing. If she was anything like me at that age then it would be as little as possible after getting ready at a friend's house.

Yes, it's a derogatory term.

Would you use the n word?

Derogatory to who Lilac?. My daughter or hookers in general?

Glad most of you have a sense of humour.

It's a derogatory term because it's not a good thing to be. Not at all the same as the n word.

We could find a more neutral word (prostituted women) but that's about reframing their status and the OP was not talking about their status. She was talking about her teenager.

Fwiw OP I guess she'll grow out of it so I wouldn't stress too much unless you sense that her valuation of herself really is a problem.

OP I feel sorry for you and the agro you are getting. You sound a lovely mum and your 16 year old is very lucky to have a mum she clearly feels able to talk to and comfortable enough to show these outfits instead of (as I and my friends did at 16!) wearing underneath other clothes to go say goodbye to parents, and whipping off to show our hooker finery ;-) as soon as we got out!

i think as long as you tell her she is beautiful, and smart and kind, she will feel it in whatever clothes she wears and may find she doesn't need the revealing outfits to feel good about herself, as has the confidence.end of the day..16 year olds will wear what they want!

Mine knows the age old 'boobs or legs, but not both at once'. Seems to work.

OP, total sympathy with how you feel & what you said, it is the first thing that comes to mind when my 15 yr old dd says what she wants to wear... & I am thoroughly flummoxed for what to say to convey my feelings without saying the wrong thing.

Mine is usually modest on top but miniscule below waist & I hate the idea of men looking at her & making assumptions that would be so wrong (she is still pretty innocent, slightly appalled at idea of going to prom with a boy).

OP ignore the Misses MacJudgy von Holier Than Thous!

Of course you are a good mum.

The fashion to go out wearing next to nothing is just a fashion. It says nothing more about the wearer's worth as a person than that she is playing with current fashions and her identity.

I would either do the "you look so sexy" thing which will mortify her or just wait it out till she realises for herself.

Unfortunately in our society growing up for girls is synonymous with becoming sexy and you just have to let her find her own way.

When I think if the outfits I wore at 16, (actually right through to my early 20s,) I could blush

But, I was young, I had a cracking pair of legs, and grew out of it as I started to realise everything didn't have to be on display in order to look nice.

It's pretty normal I think for girls to dress like this. They do usually develop a better sense of style as they grow up a bit and are less new fangled with their boobs and long legs.

You can try to 'train' her to dress more modestly...good luck with that one!

Me too Scarlett, I can remember vividly what I wore and how tiny it all was. I felt fantastic though.

By the time I reached my twenties I started wearing a bit more.

I once started a thread about the exact same thing OP and got a real lashing. It was just a comment but some folks take real offence to this subject. My comments were not deemed to be politically correct!

Anyway, I didn't like the way she dressed and it made me uncomfortable. Mine does the boobs and legs together usually but I must say, last party she went to it was jeans and a cropped top. Boobs still out but progress I think

Timely, do you have just the one DD by any chance?

If I only had DD1 then I'm sure I'd be as as smug as you about my parenting as she wouldn't dream of going out with very little on.

However, despite the same parenting DD2 loves to spend hours turning herself orange and then squeezing herself into a piece of material not much bigger than a face cloth.

That is how most young people dress nowadays on nights out.

Lassst night I saw the programme, 'thats so 1989'. I was struck by how covered up the girls in the recording of the raves were. Definitely not how they dress in clubs now.