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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

disowned and thrown out

24 replies

EiraBronwyn · 09/02/2016 23:16

posted on LGBT but no responses yet, sorry to bombard with this thread but im really panicking.
I've recently came out as bisexual and my parents are not supportive about it at all. They said some very hurtful things and told me if I cant change then I can't be in the family. I spent 2 nights at my train station before a friend found out and I'm currently staying with him. His mum says that she will need to contact the school though but I'm really anxious about this. I feel so confused and heartbroken and angry about what has happened that I don't know what to do. I thought my family would be proud of me but instead they made me leave home.

OP posts:

Original poster

EiraBronwyn · 09/02/2016 23:17

crap sorry didn't mean to post twice

OP posts:

MooPointCowsOpinion · 09/02/2016 23:19

The school should absolutely know so they can support you. Please accept all the help you can get. Your parents have made a mistake and they will live to regret it.

Akire · 09/02/2016 23:22

Sorry you in this situation. Your friends mum will want to contact the school to get you support. I can see why you feel nervous nut you are in difficult situation and deserve support.

You will get help with housing options and support which is a good thing. Even if you wanted leave school And get a job it's unlikely to pay enough cover the rent and bills. You shouldn't have to struggle- you will not be the first teenage to find themselves in this position.

Your family may change their mind but regardless do please accept help - you deserve it.

Original poster

EiraBronwyn · 09/02/2016 23:25

I'm aware it's a bit strange for me to be asking on mumsnet not being a mother myself but i remember overhearing a teacher saying they felt supported and loved by the people who talked to her. I guess i just want to feel loved and important enough to belong somewhere.

OP posts:

Akire · 09/02/2016 23:29

I'm not a mum either, lots of people arnt but its wealthy of information and support and random stuff as well as parenting.

Let us know how you get on tomorrow, be brave.

SealSong · 09/02/2016 23:30

It's fine for you to post on here, keep talking. How old are you? Just asking as it helps me understand what advice to offer.

RJnomore1 · 09/02/2016 23:33

It's completely fine to post. How old are you?

Original poster

EiraBronwyn · 09/02/2016 23:37

ive just turned 17, at 6th form (yr 12). i wish i kept this all inside now, i miss my mum. im sorry i sound like such a baby and she said such nasty things but its my mum! i thought she wouldn't care :( thank you for your kind words

OP posts:

ReallyTired · 09/02/2016 23:47

I am sorry this has happened to you.

Your friends mum wants to contact the school to get you help. What your parents have done us very wrong. They have both a legal and an ethical responsibility towards you as you are still a child.

Have you contacted social services?

ifcatscouldtalk · 09/02/2016 23:49

Sorry to hear you are in this situation. How old are you? It was very brave to be so honest with your parents and although ive not been in their position, their reaction seems extreme. Please speak to your school counsellor or student support. You are who you are and i hope your parents have a big re think on this. Your friend's mum is right to lias with the school. There are people who will want to help.

elephantoverthehill · 09/02/2016 23:55

Does your Mum know you are ok? I had some pretty rough times with my DS when he was your age, I was just happy when he did text and say he was safe.

Anthea99 · 09/02/2016 23:57

You are such a brave young man. I would be proud to have you as my son. Please seek all the help and support you can get. Hopefully your Mum will see the error of her way and realise what an amazing young man she has a son. Lots of love to you.xx

Rascalls3 · 10/02/2016 00:38

I am assuming the op is female. Your parents have let you down very badly and you have done absolutely nothing to deserve this. You must be feeling that you are in an incredibly sad and scary place at the moment. Under no circumstances sleep on the streets/ station again. Your friend's mum is being very sensible. Your school will be able to set in motion the help and support you need. I am hoping that someone in social services may be able help you reestablish your relationship with your parents. You certainly won't be the first young person to find yourself in this situation ( sadly) Access as much help as you can and be kind to yourself

Monty27 · 10/02/2016 00:44

Little lovely. Be safe, be among friends. Hopefully your parents will sleep on it and support you. Go through school, friends, friends' parents, there will be a lot of support out there including organisations. Don't give up on who you are. Big hugs. I hope you are warm and safe. xx

TheExMotherInLaw · 10/02/2016 00:58

So sorry you are going through this. I'm glad your friend's mum is helping you. I can't see that it is any business of the school, apart from you living somewhere else, and any impact that this upheaval might have on your studies. I hope your parents soon realise how totally ridiculous, cruel and stupid they are being, and that you are able to reconcile. Your mum probably cares for you deeply, but has gone batshit crazy over this, because she's so surprised. The correct response in her place should have been, ok, thanks for telling me, now go clean your room. (my dd came out as bi when she was 17 - first openly bi student in school). I hope you can forgive your parents, and give them a second chance to behave properly.

RJnomore1 · 10/02/2016 07:26

The school might be able to direct you to some support.

Your mum has acted really badly. Im so sorry.

leonardthelemming · 10/02/2016 13:23

Your parents have a legal responsibility (parental responsibility) to you until you are 18. It doesn't mean you have to live with them, but they must provide for you.
On the other hand, your education is your own responsibility from age 16, so if anyone should contact the school it ought to be you, not your friend's mother - although she seems to want to do it for the best of motives.
The school only really needs to know your change of address, but as others have said, they may well be able to offer support.
It's good you have somewhere safe to stay at the moment. Hopefully your mum is just a bit shell shocked just now and she will welcome you back before too long.

Original poster

EiraBronwyn · 10/02/2016 19:24

Thank you everyone for your kind messages (I am female but that message warmed my heart a lot!) I can stay with my friend until 'further notice' the school want to get a family councillor involved. I have very accepting family who don't live too far so hopefully I can stay with them. I've tried to contact my parents, particularly my mum but there's been no further luck there. I think she's blocked my number.
This week has been the hardest week of my life, I've slept on a train station bench scared for my life, I've been hungry, tired, dirty and above all I've been lost. I'm so thankful to my friend's family for letting me stay and I'm so thankful to all of you who have wished me well. I don't know what sort of day tomorrow will be but I hope it will be a better one.

OP posts:

MooPointCowsOpinion · 10/02/2016 19:32

Well done Eira, remember there are plenty of people in the world who are not bigoted and know that what gender you fancy has nothing at all to do with if you're a good person or not. You sounds like a lovely person.

BonitaFangita · 10/02/2016 20:14

Eira, I'm so sorry you are in this situation. You are being so brave and you absolutely don't deserve to be treated this way by your parents.
Take all the support you can get and don't be afraid to ask for help.
I hope your mum comes round to understanding your sexuality, in the grand scheme of things it shouldn't make any difference to your relationship.
Sometimes parents have very set ideas about how they want their children to be and get very upset when they don't turn out that way. That's no excuse, I'm just trying to understand their mind-set.
Good luck Eira, I hope things get easier for you

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 10/02/2016 20:26

Eira, you have done nothing to deserve this and you sound like an incredible young woman. I was thrown out and disowned at a similar age and spent a couple of nights sleeping under a beach hut before my then boyfriend's family took me in. It was tough, scary and I probably felt more alone then than I have ever felt in my life, I was living with a family who welcomed me in but all I could focus on were my, self perceived, evils that made my family reject me.

As the years have gone on I have come to realise that I wasn't evil and I had committed no 'crimes' but I cannot change the way my mum's mind works but I can know that her opinion of me does not mean that is how others find me. Take all the support you can and know that you are an OK person too. Good luck

Wolfiefan · 10/02/2016 20:29

I'm so sorry. You are important. You don't sound like a baby at all. I'm so sorry you've had this reaction.
My kids are my babies. Even when they are 50 they will be my babies! And if the are gay, straight, bi or whatever I couldn't care less.
Be loved, loving, happy and healthy. Nothing else matters OP.
Xx

99WithAFlakePlease · 10/02/2016 23:32

My sister came out at 18 after taking an overdose as she was struggling to cope with it all. Our parents didnt accept it and still don't fully but they have contact, she and her partner go to stay for weekends etc but they wouldn't go to her wedding recently as they felt that was too much for them. I was 15 when she came out and I didn't know what to do as it was the best thing for her to do but my parents were angry/upset and I felt torn. I decided to stick up for and with my sister as she had no one else really. It will get better - there are so many organisations who will help you with LGBT issues but you need practical help and support. What an amazing family to help you now but I think you need to allow school to help you too. Maybe write to your parents and tell your mother you miss her. Do you have siblings you can confide in?

Claybury · 12/02/2016 19:29

You can call childline as they will have advice for you as well as listening and supporting you. They are experienced in this situation.

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