The Things My Teenagers Can't Do

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I have got two teenage sons aged 13 and 15. Today I have realised, in a flash of fear and parental self-loathing, that they cannot do the following things. Or if they can, I've never seen them prove it.

1. Make themselves a cooked meal. Of any sort. Except porridge.
2. Change their bedding.
3. Wake themselves up in the morning.
4. Wash a car.
5. Hoover a house.
6. Clean a toilet/shower/sink/bath.
7. Put themselves to bed at night.
8. Put a wash on.
9. Empty the washing machine. Hang clothes on line/put in tumble dryer.

10. Pack for a holiday. 11. Remember to brush their teeth/brush their hair/PUT ON CLEAN BL**DY CLOTHES.

OH MY GOD. I AM A TERRIBLE PARENT. Can everybody else's teenage sons do these things? If you look at Facebook it seems like everyone else's teenage sons are always beautifully dressed with lovely haircuts and shiny teeth and are constantly going out for lunch with their mums/posting photos of their whole family having fun, once they've finished doing the dishes, tidying their rooms, washing the car, helping their Dad with the DIY and arranging their own work experience at five different hospitals which will ensure they have a successful future career in brain surgery.

Anyone got any tips for how to make sure my boys can do these things by the time they leave home? Or anyone want to share generally about all the things their teenagers can't do to make me feel better???

Don't worry..I have a 13 year old son and the story is similar..Its not that you are a bad parent and I am sure if they were stuck in a situation where they HAD to do these things themselves, they WILL... Its just that at this age, some of them are lost in their own world..and in 'their' world, these things are not important.
The day they realise , they need to be able to do these things inorder to survive, I am 100 percent sure they will do them quite efficiently.
And social media pictures are the worst thing for your own happiness and confidence..ignore them!!!

I had a text on holiday once asking how the dishwasher worked. I did point out it was quite possible to wash up by hand. DCs were quite old
They were a bit spoilt as we had a cleaner /ironer from when DD2 was 5.But they did have to tidy their rooms before she came and all laundry had to go in the basket on the landing or it didnt get done.And couldnt have been doing with everyone doing their own laundry. Our machine has a huge drum and it wouldnt have been cost effective.And it had to be done for my cleaner to iron .They'd hang it on the line if prompted though . I went apeshit if they didn't hang up /put away clean ironed clothes.I stripped their beds weekly but they had to put on the clean stuff. Strongly suspect they have both slept under ' undressed' duvets on occasion .
Neither irons much ,even now (me neither)
They could cook from 14
I did talk through how/ the right order in which to clean a room and how a washing machine works before they went to Uni
I do remember a friends daughter ringing home asking how you cleaned a loo ..
They are grown up and don't love in pigstys
I think it's getting the balance right between waiting on them hand and foot/teaching them the basics/accepting there is a lifetime in which to learn this 'stuff' and ,sadly ,be responsible for it.It isnt difficult after all
're personal hygeine When interest in girls kicks in you will know
And getting up was up to them as I left for work way before they had to be at school DD1 is still very bad at this and hascut her getting ready to the minimum

Is it because mum does most of these things for them so they know they'll be done? It might help to grit your teeth and just not:

1. Change their bedding.
2. Wake them up in the morning.
3. Wash a car.
4. Hoover a house.
5. Clean a toilet/shower/sink/bath.
6. Put a wash on.
7. Empty the washing machine. Hang clothes on line/put in tumble dryer.

10. Pack for a holiday.

Can do most but 2,3,6 and 11 i may as well bang my head against a large very hard wall...

My children have been able to do everything on this list since the age of 9. The trick is that we give them pocket money in return for helping with basic household chores. We also reward them (not necessarily with money) when they do additional stuff (e.g. making a meal) and we give them lots of appreciation and gratitude when they do something to help out.

It's all about creating a cooperative environment and encouraging your children to take responsibility for their part in the house. I know mums who complain that their children leave their wet towels on the floor - well if ours did that they'd be using a damp, smelly towel next time they take a shower!

There are some chores that some of them found harder to do than others - children are all different - but the trick is not to pick out these weaker spots and see the overall contribution.

What I can say is that they all get there in the end with this kind of loving, encouraging parenting.

Ds (11) can do almost all of your list. I have to thanks Scouts (who set the children the challenge of acquiring different life skills) for giving us the push to teach him these things. Dd (8) can do most of the list but that's just how she is!

My 15 year old can do all of them apart from pack for a holiday - he's just lazy and can't be arsed unless he's forced - which he is, often.

We bought him the worlds most irritating alarm clock and put it at the other end of the room so he has to get up and shut it off, that gets him up most mornings
Packing is a bit of a nightmare. His priorities are: phone, charger, hair gel, deodorant (for which I suppose we should be grateful) and his 2 favourite t shirts. For 10 days.
It's one up on his sister I suppose who only wanted to take her my little ponies and her blankie, but she's 3 and can be excused!

Mine are 12, 14 and 16. They can do everything on the list and more - they have to help out a bit as I'm disabled.

What they can't do is turn the bloody lights off

I'd recommend you enroll boys and girls aged 10-18 into Scouts/Explorer Scouts. Amazing what they learn and how much confidence they grow. Then hold back the tears as you see them off with their (self-packed) backpack at Heathrow while they travel alone to Kenya, Vietnam, Canada etc.

Amazing what they learn

Pretty much bog all in the case of my DSs.

My teens can do pretty much all on the OP's list, but not, it seems switch anything off nor change the toilet roll when it runs out but then nor can dh

You are quite right. NONE of mine switch things off or turn lights out.

Ironing is not necessary either, but I've decided that it isn't that important as an issue.

Mine loved hoovering from the age of 2! Won't do it now though! Both (13 & 9) have always packed for holidays although when DS was 5 he packed 30 tops for a week! Basically every top he'd ever owned or been handed down!

Mine can but don't always choose too (apart from washing a car as we have never had one)
I may have to encourage some of them but I have to encourage myself to do then too

I have a 17 year old son. He doesn't display the ability/inclination to do most of the things on your list and probably a few more !
He can make noodles and scrambled eggs, so I know he won't starve...

He did clean the sink the other day - he was standing in the bathroom waiting for something and "just felt like it"

He used to live part of the time with his father and what I like to call "his current wife"
When he was about 8 he was expected to do all his own cooking, cleaning, washing etc. I felt that this was unreasonable so I probably still overcompensate and do too much for him

Oh God, the lights. WHY don't they turn lights off. Or extractor fans?

I was thinking of this thread and it actually changed what I usually do!

No. 10 - pack for a holiday

Dc1 (16) is away for a few days. Normally I get things ready for him, although normally in discussion with him. This time I didn't. He had a kit list, so I let him gather all his stuff together, and then went through the list with him for those last few things. He actually ironed his uniform (shock horror) and packed his bag. I admit, he didn't completely go solo, but i had less initial involvement than normally.

Most other things he can probably do, but doesn't routinely. Actually, not sure if he has ever washed a car, and cooking is very basic. Probably an omelette is the most adventurous (plan to get him to cook more after the exams). Also, not sure he has ever cleaned toilet etc (another post exam job!) and voluntarily done the washing. Also, like yours, my two often need prompting to go to bed, rather than thinking, 'I feel tired, I think I will go to bed now', although they will go automatically after certain programmes.

I was surprised a year or so ago when's mum mentioned that their dc's always put clothes away after ironing. I'd always done that without thinking, now I leave it on their beds (where it usually stays, or gets moved to the floor for a few days until I shout at them!).

Your teen situation sounds perfectly normal. I'm also aware that my sons aren't fully capable in everyday living and plan to slowly introduce more chores. My year 11 dc thinks he's going too have a nice long holiday after his GCSEs, but he doesn't realise that I plan for him to cook, clean etc and generally learn a lot of household skills!

Mine can do all of that, though packing for a holiday would take them weeks. And making a meal is one thing but clearing up the kitchen afterwards is another entirely.