The Things My Teenagers Can't Do

[Scatter]

I have got two teenage sons aged 13 and 15. Today I have realised, in a flash of fear and parental self-loathing, that they cannot do the following things. Or if they can, I've never seen them prove it.

1. Make themselves a cooked meal. Of any sort. Except porridge.
2. Change their bedding.
3. Wake themselves up in the morning.
4. Wash a car.
5. Hoover a house.
6. Clean a toilet/shower/sink/bath.
7. Put themselves to bed at night.
8. Put a wash on.
9. Empty the washing machine. Hang clothes on line/put in tumble dryer.

10. Pack for a holiday. 11. Remember to brush their teeth/brush their hair/PUT ON CLEAN BL**DY CLOTHES.

OH MY GOD. I AM A TERRIBLE PARENT. Can everybody else's teenage sons do these things? If you look at Facebook it seems like everyone else's teenage sons are always beautifully dressed with lovely haircuts and shiny teeth and are constantly going out for lunch with their mums/posting photos of their whole family having fun, once they've finished doing the dishes, tidying their rooms, washing the car, helping their Dad with the DIY and arranging their own work experience at five different hospitals which will ensure they have a successful future career in brain surgery.

Anyone got any tips for how to make sure my boys can do these things by the time they leave home? Or anyone want to share generally about all the things their teenagers can't do to make me feel better???

Nice one Scatter!

Mine (youngest two are 13 and 15) can do all of those except 4 - have never asked them to clean the car, but they have come to the car wash with me I don't ask them to do 6 often either, but they can. They don't do most of them spontaneously though! And tbh the 15 year old is rubbish at waking himself up in the morning.

They've been packing for themselves since they were really quite little - reading this thread I remembered that I used to draw checklists for them when we were going camping

Scatter

Sounds like great progress.

My 8 yos can do 1,2,3,5,7 and 11.

However the reason I so keen to teach them this stuff is that my beloved DH moved in with me having never been taught (or asked) to cook, clean, iron, sew, use the washing machine, keep to a budget or plan a week's shop.

He had never even washed a dish.

Obviously on living with me, rather than his Mum, he immediately started to do all of these things.

The difference was that I just expected that an adult would behave like an adult, whereas his Mum (although lovely) thought that he wife would (should?) mother him.

We've been married for nearly 20 years and I would say that 75% of the arguments that I have ever had with my DH (who I adore) wouldn't have occurred if he'd been taught to do all the things on my list before leaving home.

I have both a son and a daughter. I see it as my job to ensure that they are equally independent when they leave home.

I want them to be good flatmates, partners, spouses and parents.

So really, OP, you have empowered them by doing that, and they now subconsciously know that you think they are capable of doing those chores and don't need everything doing for them. Go you!

way to go OP,
nice result.

(now could you just come round ere and tell me how to get them to do it without the battle??)

Well all I can say is that if they can't/won't do all of the things mentioned, they soon learn when they leave home. Ds didn't do a lot at all when at home. He was capable and would do if asked, but tbh I mainly did the chores. However, now he is away at uni, he looks after himself, does everything he needs to and is actually the tidiest and most organised in his flat. So that worked out OK.

Not so sure about dd though. But there are enough battles to be fought without stressing too much about this stuff. And again, she will have to sort herself out when she leaves home. Its not rocket science after all

Mine only do 1 and 5 without prompting. They love cooking and are oddly nice about hoovering. They also strip their beds but don't remake them as the sheets are fiddly. But I wake them up for school every morning, wash all their clothes etc (though am planning on teaching them how to use the machine this half term.) They are 13 and male.

Our's, both male, could do and did all that, and more, from a much younger age.

Can do and does do are two very different things. My nearly 20 year old daughter CAN do everything on that list, she DOES do about 4 of them regularly.

What I learned yesterday is that when I tell her to clean the bathroom "including the toilet", what she apparently hears is to clean the bathroom "but don't worry, there are magic fairies in the toilet that clean it for you so that you don't have to."
However, I know that she can do it.

Mine are 11 and 13 and can do:

1. Make themselves a cooked meal. Of any sort. Except porridge. DD (13) definitely can. DS (11) can bake without supervision
2. Change their bedding. Yes, although fitted sheets can be awkward and I get DH to do it!!
3. Wake themselves up in the morning. Yes, have alarms.
4. Wash a car. They have done, with supervision from DH.
5. Hoover a house. Again, yes they do do the hoovering occasionally if I ask.
6. Clean a toilet/shower/sink/bath. DD has to clean her hairs out her shower. Not sure they've ever cleaned the loo!!
7. Put themselves to bed at night. Yes, with a bit of 'are you in bed yet?' from me! I assume this is what you mean!!!
8. Put a wash on. They never have.
9. Empty the washing machine. Hang clothes on line/put in tumble dryer. They have done this.

10. Pack for a holiday. DD has packed for a weekend away (forgot her toothbrush, but then so have I before), but I would help for a longer holiday. DS - not on his own. 11. Remember to brush their teeth/brush their hair/PUT ON CLEAN BL**DY CLOTHES. Er, yes!

pack for a holiday

DS1, aged 14, once thought it appropriate to pack 2 pairs of pants for a fortnight in the Caribbean.

My dc (11&9) packed for themselves when we emigrated and they had to have just those things for three months!

There were a lot of Pokemon and not so many socks.

Oh I don't feel so bad now! Ds is 16 but has severe LD and ASD so its been a hard struggle to get him to accomplish any self care but his list of what he can't do yet is not much longer than yours OP! I have been leaving him to put himself to bed (after helping with bath, teeth etc) and get up and thought he had made a massive leap forward recently because he was doing this. His solution to getting dressed in the morning and leaving enough time to watch TV before school ( he wears a very simple school uniform as is the norm in many special schools) is to put his clean clothes on before bed so he wakes up (creased but) ready! You have to laugh!

My 14 year old ds does all those things because he has three older sisters so I was very careful to make sure he was included in all the chores. He does say that I'm unreasonable and his friends don't have to change beds.

Computer time is linked to vacuuming (because I hate vacuuming) and my carpets are spotless as a result.

Link tasks to things they want...

1. Easy - if you are hungry make it.
2. If you want friends round.....change bedding first.
3. Let them oversleep and have to explain at school.
4. If you want a lift....wash car occasionally.
5. Hoover a house....(computer time link).
6. If you poo in it you clean it.
7. Bedtime - set time / consequences.
8. If you leave clothes in big pile funnily enough they stay there...
9. ditto.

10. Pack for a holiday. No holiday if not packed. 11. Don't set off if they have not done them - they soon learn.

I run a cooking club after school. It's terrifying. On the first session I asked one of the girls to wipe down the surface. She looked around blankly for a minute and then picked up a spatula, which she used to feebly scrape the dirt onto the floor.

For the love of god, people, please teach them how to at least turn the oven on! (most need help)

My 17 year old son does all of these and has done for a long time.As for cooking a meal....he comes home from work ( works full time as an apprentice) and will cook for all of us!
DD does most things too.
They're life skills.....it's not too late lol....but they'll thank you in the long run!

I've got 3 boys and am determined not to be one of those MILs

It's a bit of a work in progress. So far my 11yo can

1. Make themselves a cooked meal. Kind of. He can do beans on toast, baked potatoes and toppings, scrambled egg on toast
2. Change their bedding. does trip the bed when asked
3. Wake themselves up in the morning. is very good at this - sets his own alarm each day, slightly earlier than I get up!
4. Wash a car. noone in our household washes cars
5. Hoover a house. yes
6. Clean a toilet/shower/sink/bath. no
7. Put themselves to bed at night. yes
8. Put a wash on. no
9. Empty the washing machine. Hang clothes on line/put in tumble dryer. yes, does this when asked. also sorts clothes and puts them away

10. Pack for a holiday. yes but I would still check 11. Remember to brush their teeth/brush their hair/PUT ON CLEAN BL**DY CLOTHES. hmm much nagging required...

Like I say, it's a work in progress...

Mine can't do any of those with the exception of no.11.

I can add to the list too....they can't even make a cup of tea or coffee!

Should've added that they are 17 and 15!

Interesting.

My 13 year old has never cleaned a sink or bath, never put a wash on, has to be told to go to bed and is woken in the morning by me.

But he can cook (a bit), Hoover, hang clothes, empty a dishwasher, wash a car (sort of) and has packed for himself for a few years.

I'm not worried as DH was waited on hand and foot by my MIL and despite this he is amazing round the house, much better at ironing and cleaning than me! She ironed 15 shirts a week when her sons were 22 and 19, madwoman! That will never be me and I will disown any DIL who does it

Changing the toilet roll... Why can my granddaughter not do that either? How much trouble can it be? Is it easier to put up with my sarcasm? She can't simply put the basin plug back on the tap deck, either, so the plug gets a build up of spat out toothpaste, too.

She finds it easier to put clothes for washing rather than hang them up after being worn for a couple of hours, too...

Dont beat yourself up! My goddaughter, straight A* student, couldn't get a bus at 18... My daughter (15) was forced to learn to use a washing machine when I had a business trip that spanned a weekend - the trick has been making sure she didnt forget her newly acquired skill .. and linking her allowance to other domestic tasks has worked.

Mine (13 and 11) could do most of those, but don't in practise do any of them very often DD1 loves cooking, so does make meals on occasionally, but doesn't clear up after herself. They usually pack their own bags for scout camp etc. They wouldn't have a clue how to clean the bathroom. They do pack their own school bags, and mostly manage to put their dirty clothes in the wash basket and put away their clean ones. They use their phone alarms, and can get themselves up and out in the morning. If it's my day off, I'm not out of bed before they leave. They used to like washing the car when they were little and could also have a waterfight, but haven't done it for ages. I still need to remind them to go to bed, and still sometimes read them a chapter of something before bed.

My eldest two are 19 & 20.

The 20 year old can't do ANY of those. Well, actually she can, she's just too bl*dy lazy to get off her a*e and do them..... (And we could add WORK as number 12 😡)

The 19 year old again CAN do them, but as above -

1. If NO-ONE else will do it for him.
2. If I'm away and he's having 'company'...
3. His alarm starts going off at 6am, and wakes the rest of the house while he sleeps soundly next to it. I've actually taken to calling him at around 6.15. It's amazing that he can sleep through an alarm for hours, but NEVER misses a phone call!
4. Hahahahahaha! 😂
5. Hahahahahaha! 😂
6. Hahahahahaha! 😂
7. He gets in from work, has dinner and then retires to his bedroom for the evening. If I have to pop washing or anything in, he's in bed when I go in, so he can do this one quite effectively.

8 & 9. He can do these. But pisses me off annoys me by putting two things in the washing machine for an hour and a half, without checking the washing basket and actually popping the rest of the darks in at the same time. 10. Generally he doesn't come any more, but I'm pretty sure he'd do this one. 11. This he does, to OCD levels.

I've now learned my lesson. My 10 year old can (and does) do all of them but No. 4. And that's only because I stick it through the local car wash 😉

Although to be fair, the older two used to do it all too. So we'll wait and see...

My 16 YO DD will pretend she can do none of these things, and if asked to do them while I am in the house she will ask for help/guidance at every stage. Strangely, if asked to do them when I am not there the tasks get done adequately anyway. I think it's just a trick to make me do more work!