A-level Mocks

[Peebles1]

I know there are far more important things to worry about, and my 17 yr old DD has other issues that are bad news, but is anyone else tearing their hair out coz their teen has exams the day they go back and they haven't even picked up a book yet?? And that's on top of the 1000 word essay (course work) the 3000 word essay (course work), the unfinished UCAS form, the half an art book to finish and the entire Shakespeare play to read - just to catch up on all the stuff she hasn't bothered doing last term. Arrrrrrggggghhhh. Sorry, just needed to rant. Can't do it to her or she'll explode: STOP NAGGING. I'LL DO IT IN MY OWN TIME. Constantly stays over at pot-head boyfriend's flat. Asked her to come home today. Texted this morning: 'I have to work till 3 :( I haven't been to sleep'. Great. Another wasted day then. I know, I know - uni isn't the be all and end all. She's a good kid. She's prob not suited to uni and would do well in a job. But she says she wants to go, and she's certainly clever enough - just bloody lazy. And I'm beginning to think it's the best bet to get her away from the pot head boyfriend. DH says he was just the same at her age. Failed miserably but has done really well for himself. It's so hard to stand by and watch though!

Yes. I'm with you on that. Dd has AS level mocks in January and hasn't done a stroke of revision. She's more interested in socialising but there is no point in me nagging her as it makes no difference. I had a hell of a time with her during GCSE's and it just got me so wound up seeing her doing nothing. Having said that she did surprisingly well in them but AS/A levels are totally different and I don't think you can coast along with them.
Dd does not want to go to uni which is a shame because she is clever but incredibly lazy so I haven't got that to look forward to. I agree its so hard standing by watching them waste their time. Dh, as usual, is just not getting involved.
I agree getting her away from the boyfriend would be good but don't know how you will be able to do that.

Well I just messed everything up, having done so well in keeping my cool, being reasonable and maintaining a good relationship. Asked her to come home tonight and spend the day here tomorrow. She texted about five hours later that she was really sorry but she really couldn't come home tonight and she'll explain tomorrow. It'll be another ridiculous drama with the BF that she prioritises at the expense of everything else. So I lost my cool, rang her up and had a massive rant about her failing everything etc. etc. and slammed the phone down at the end. Great. Mother of the year. Now we're not talking at all. I've probably just driven her further away. Don't despair about your DD just yet. I had the same with GCSEs and was just glad she got to sixth form. But it was her that decided she wanted to go to uni. Yours may well do the same when friends are going in that direction. And it's definitely not too late for her to turn things around at this stage.

I know the feeling. Everyone else seems more important than me and the family. Friends come first and we are not considered at all. Like we don't have feelings and don't matter.
Dont be too hard on yourself. We all lose our cool at times. I certainly have. Its hard trying to put on an act and be reasonable all the time when inside you are seething.
We only act this way coz we love them and want the best for them and hopefully it will sink into their brains soon.
I hope things are better tomorrow

Op, the unfinished ucas form? Please tell me it's not time to do that already for year 12?

No don't panic, she's year 13! Thank you hedgehog. I've had a lovely long chat with DS2, who's calmed me right down! I'm still cross and think I'm justified, but tomorrow's another day.

Good Peebles. When did our kids become so sensible (some of them anyway ) I don't know what I would have done without my ds to talk to this year. He's been a rock for me and he is only 18 and I feel a bit guilty sometimes about this but dh does not want to know and is no support.
Hope things are better today.

Thanks! It's mocks for year 12 when they go back so I wasn't sure and I'd had too much wine to think it through

I find myself getting so wound up about it all and I promised myself I wouldn't and that I would step back and let her mess things up if that's what she wanted. Her group of friends, although nice, are not the best influence tbh. They seem to be a set of drifters and dd is probably the worst. At least some of them have part time jobs. One wants to be a singer and is very focused on that, another has dropped out and is being funded by her dad (wtf?) And the others don't seem to have any ambition so she is in good company I suppose. I don't know what to do to motivate her but I can't keep in like this. Any advice I try to give is met with the usual rants to leave her alone but how do you stop trying when you only want the best. She's wasting her time and intelligence because she is a lazy lazy sod . What can I do?

I feel exactly the same. I was so glad she got to sixth form, but also had had such an awful time dragging her through GCSEs that I swore I'd stand back and not get involved this time. Last year wasn't tooooo bad, but she's gone way back this year. Mainly I think from upset over splitting up with long term BF in the summer, then falling in with bad influence BF. She drags me back into being involved by asking for help, or getting upset about being behind, or telling me what she wants to achieve, but then accuses me of nagging when I get all wound up about her massive laziness and lack of work. I go round in circles in my head constantly - just leave her to make her own mistakes, find her own way, it doesn't matter if she fails loads of people do, it's more important to maintain a good relationship, don't drive her away, versus: I'm her parent I should put all my efforts into helping her succeed, I'm failing as a parent, bla bla bla. For the record I haven't heard hide nor hair from her since we fell out on the phone yesterday. She's probably moved out :( I'm so sorry I have no advice coz I'm finding my way too. You know what I hate the most? Smug people saying 'Just tell her!' Yeah right.

Sorry you are going through this Peebles. I feel a bit bad whinging here like this as you have more stuff going on. I hope she comes to her senses soon.
I have exactly the same set of thoughts going around in my head - the leave her to it and maintain good relationship v wade in and push her through. However dd never asks for help as she says she has it all under control. I know differently.
I wish I was a bit more hard faced and didn't take it all to heart so much. I'm too sensitive by far and its shit.

No please don't feel bad about 'whinging' (which you're not!). It helps to hear from people who are going through similar stuff. She came home briefly, to get changed for work, so we had a bit of a show down but I talked calmly and she's promised to come home and work all day tomorrow. But the jury's out. Despite all the bad choices she's making and the lifestyle she's choosing we do have a close relationship and she normally tells me everything. So it's not all bad and I'm lucky in that. DH not being much help by getting thoroughly wound up though. I sometimes think it would be better not to involve him at all, he gets too angry. Hope your DD does some revision this week. Keep your chin up, and if you find the magic answer let me know!

Its nice you have a close relationship. I don't really have that with dd and dh is totally detached from her. I am the only one in the house stressing about anything as those two are quite happy ignoring each other.
Hope she proves me wrong and does some work but I doubt it.

Its just a waste of time nagging about revision. Dd16 is the same. Bare minimum of revision/homework and up half the night pissing about on her phone. But its OK. Its the holidays she says. I can't force her to work but its so frustrating. Maybe I will force her to leave home when she's 18 . When she is living in a bedsit on crap wages she might realise I was right.

DD2 just the same, mocks when she gets back and not a scrap of revision so far.
Mind you, am I the only one just a touch irritated with the school's timing? Her mocks are 4th and 5th Jan, the first two days she's back. She's had a long term with lots of homework and, really? First two days back? Would it have hurt them to do them the following week and let them have just a small break over Christmas?

So I'm torn between thinking she needs to mentally recoup and thinking she needs to do well in these. I haven't started nagging yet, but probably will in the next day or so - and then she has a New Year's Eve party still to come! I wish A levels were done at 12 or 22. It would be a lot easier.

I only have to mention revision and dd starts getting annoyed and shouting at me. I must admit she intimidates me when she is like this. I don't know why I do it. I tell myself to just leave her alone but I can't bear to see her wasting her time like this so I try and broach the subject. So once again I have walked away, had a few tears and realise that she has won again and will carry on doing what she wants - nothing. I wish I had more backbone

Hmmm it's a toughy hedgehog. Its still only the mocks. D'you think it would be worth standing back and doing nothing, wait till she does badly then swoop?! Well not swoop in a bad way, I can imagine the reaction I'd get if I said 'I told you so'! But she might be more open to persuasion. Or she might get such a shock she'll buck up her ideas. My DS1 went from a U in his A-level mock to a C as his final mark. Don't feel bad - what can you do really, more than you're already doing? My DH's DM used to send him to his room to revise - he just stared out the window. You can lead a horse to water and all that. But I know it's hard, I started the thread, haha! DD came home as asked and we made up. She has only just got out of bed (!) but has started some work. But this is the first she's done all holidays, so I am not looking for a medal at all.

I haven't seen dd today as she had gone out by the time I got back from work. I am still a bit annoyed with her and think I deserve an apology for the way she shouted at me. I won't get one though! If I'd spoken to my mum like that she would have knocked my head off. I wouldn't have dared.
Anyway, I really have to let it go. There is no way she will be persuaded to do anything she does not want to. I tried it all last year - from bribery to begging - waste of time. So what if she messes up? The way I am feeling right now, I don't care