DD, Y8, stuck in middle of a splitting friendship group. She's asking for advice.

[Brytte]

DD was in a group of 4/5 friends plus she had other friends here and there during Year 7. The group has split but DD likes them all and she's been pulled between the 2 new groups. She doesn't know what to do. She said she feels like they're divorcing and she's the child stuck in the middle. She doesn't want to choose, she doesn't want to listen to each duo bad mouthing the other duo. I'm not sure what, if anything, she can do, but she's asked me. Any ideas?

DD (has a new laptop so not engaging right now, hmph!) is y9 & her friends often split apart but she keeps links with both. Actually, I think she spends a lot of time trying & even succeeding to get her friends to make up!

I think that she would say that you tell both sides that you want to stay friends, and try to encourage them to at least be on friendly terms. I suppose if it felt like one set was forcing her to choose then DD would choose the other ones (the ones not forcing her to choose).

if both sets were forcing it then DD would probably look around for some completely different BFFs who didn't take sides either.

my dd is 12 and has the same problem, she gets stuck in the middle and girls can be very bitchy, it has also given her a different light on some of the people she thought were nice but arn't. i always try and support here and encourage her to be true to herself and not be swayed by waring friends. she quite level headed about it, never had these problems with boys. good luck to your daughter x

Consulted DD now, who had various thoughts:

1. They are both currying her favour, make them work for it, "let them choose you"
2. Choose the ones who are least annoying

DD's mates fall in and out of variable composition mini-factions fairly frequently, which is another reason I stay out of her social life.

Thanks. I don't like getting involved either. What seems important now will all have moved on and changed in a month or so. I do remember the 2nd year of secondary school as being the year friendship groups shifted. Her school is not very big and her year group doesn't have many girls so I have suggested she remind both parties that it is not a good idea to create enemies.